2)
Who was the worst golfplayer of all time?
- Adolf Hitler, he never got out of the bunker.
Who was the worst golfplayer of all time?
- Adolf Hitler, he never got out of the bunker.
Valley View Vapes - Win a FREE Polypropylene Tank - Weekly Contest
- Thread starter RayN
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4
Roy: Hey, heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
Tom: You mean the Axe effect, dont you?
Roy: No, its a new one. It smells of $100 dollar bills.
Roy: Hey, heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
Tom: You mean the Axe effect, dont you?
Roy: No, its a new one. It smells of $100 dollar bills.
2. What if Dr. Seuss Wrote Computer Manuals?
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted ‘cause the index doesn’t hash, Then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted ‘cause the index doesn’t hash, Then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM, Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
Chit Chat
I'm looking at the Twists Ray has on sale and have a couple of questions. The black one looks like it has a rubbery coating like my Joye, is that correct? #2: The red ones look shiny, has anyone had a problem with them scratching? I'm a little rough, throwing them in my purse, etc.
I'm looking at the Twists Ray has on sale and have a couple of questions. The black one looks like it has a rubbery coating like my Joye, is that correct? #2: The red ones look shiny, has anyone had a problem with them scratching? I'm a little rough, throwing them in my purse, etc.
4)
What's the difference between a Husband and a former boyfriend?
One kisses the Mrs. and the other misses the kisses.
What's the difference between a Husband and a former boyfriend?
One kisses the Mrs. and the other misses the kisses.
Chit - hi ocelot! I have a set of twists from Ray, the black ones. I can attest to them having the rubbery finish. And no, they wear pretty well. I do believe the others are painted and do get scratched a bit... but I'll defer to Ray or others there, as I don't own an enameled one.
Tappytalkin' on my gNex
Tappytalkin' on my gNex
5
Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*"
Then she suddenly disappeared forever
Ocelot, I bought the black one from RayN. It is a matt black but I haven't had any problem with scuffing. Of course, I can't throw it into a purse, but it does fine in a pocket full of keys and change
Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*"
Then she suddenly disappeared forever
Ocelot, I bought the black one from RayN. It is a matt black but I haven't had any problem with scuffing. Of course, I can't throw it into a purse, but it does fine in a pocket full of keys and change
It's not a rubberized grip, but afaik neither are the Joye Tech brand. It has a very silky feel to it.
The other colors have the same finish, my wife only has the black ones so I can't really attest to scratch resistance on them.
The other colors have the same finish, my wife only has the black ones so I can't really attest to scratch resistance on them.
#3
McDonald's Job Application...
1. NAME: G.B.
2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
4. EDUCATION: Yes.
5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
11. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
12. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
13. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?: Of what?
14. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
15. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
16. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
17. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
18. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
19. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
McDonald's Job Application...
1. NAME: G.B.
2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
4. EDUCATION: Yes.
5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
11. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
12. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
13. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?: Of what?
14. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
15. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
16. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
17. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
18. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
19. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
A string walks into a bar. Says, "gimme a beer". Bartender snarls and say "we don't serve strings here".
String leaves. String goes into a fit. Ties himself up, slams himself againts a brick wall...really gets messed up.
Same string walks into the bar. Says, "gimme a beer". Bartender snarls and say "we don't serve strings here". String says "I'm not a string". Bartender glares, say "no?". String says no...I'm a frayed knot".
String leaves. String goes into a fit. Ties himself up, slams himself againts a brick wall...really gets messed up.
Same string walks into the bar. Says, "gimme a beer". Bartender snarls and say "we don't serve strings here". String says "I'm not a string". Bartender glares, say "no?". String says no...I'm a frayed knot".
5)
These are things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
These are things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
2
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because theyre looking for ideas. ~Paula Poundstone
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because theyre looking for ideas. ~Paula Poundstone
3
The difficult thing with quotes on the internet is verifying them
Abraham Lincoln
The difficult thing with quotes on the internet is verifying them
Abraham Lincoln
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