I have to flip some switches I think. I have everything blocked so maybe I'll open it up. Blogger drives me nuts! oops
Bipolar disorder. My story, smoking.
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I have to flip some switches I think. I have everything blocked so maybe I'll open it up. Blogger drives me nuts! oops
I like being alone. Whether it's healthy or not I don't know. It would be nice to have someone to see where I'm at I guess, then leave.
I'm going back to support groups and people that get it. I have a few friends but if things are really bad they will ask when can you see your doctor? What else can they do? In a support group someone, not afraid of your illness, will say I'm struggling with that too.
I think to sign up for the blog you'll see on the right side near the top a thing that pops out. The first option is for signing up.
Glad to see this thread being updated. I hope everyone's day is going well and I appreciate the link to your blog, oxygen.
Unfortunately for me, I've had a relapse into depression. My meds have been changed and I'm having a hard time with the side effects, as well as the increased cost of intensive care. My graduation date that was set for this December has been moved back to next May. Some of my family members are supportive of this idea, others, not so much. I'm pretty upset about it myself since I only had a month and a half to go, but I know that realistically, I can't successfully complete five classes when I'm dealing with depression. Hell, with my current medication cocktail, I've apparently lost the basic ability to spell. For a college senior, that's been pretty embarrassing. I wish hand-written essays had spell check.
Unfortunately for me, I've had a relapse into depression. My meds have been changed and I'm having a hard time with the side effects, as well as the increased cost of intensive care. My graduation date that was set for this December has been moved back to next May. Some of my family members are supportive of this idea, others, not so much. I'm pretty upset about it myself since I only had a month and a half to go, but I know that realistically, I can't successfully complete five classes when I'm dealing with depression. Hell, with my current medication cocktail, I've apparently lost the basic ability to spell. For a college senior, that's been pretty embarrassing. I wish hand-written essays had spell check.
Hi Mookie, and yes I am bi-polar type II. At this time I prefer being alone I think, it is like yeah I wouldn't mind having a relationship, but then if I do I feel crowed.
Well, that blows. I can still spell but Lithium makes my hands tremor. People used to ask me if I got drunk the night before. Well, haven't been drunk in 30 years.
Sorry your studies got put aside but we know better than others what's required. Kind of hard to study and get to class averaging 16 hours of sleep a day. Only waking up a few hours to hate ourselves then back to bed.
Yeah, I'm not sure which of the meds are messing with my head, but it's probably a combination of them. I woke up one day and my arm hurt really bad and was bruised. I complained about it for two days before someone reminded me that I'd had a flu shot. I feel like I'm losing it.
You mentioned sleeping a lot. With previous episodes of depression I would sleep almost all day, but for some reason, this one is different. I can't sleep. I fall asleep for maybe an hour, then wake up and stay awake the rest of the night. It adds to the hours of feeling miserable. I think I preferred the sleeping-all-day version.
My doc mentioned trying me out on lithium after the depression is taken care of. Her reasoning is that I've been on lamictal (a mood stabilizer), for months and it didn't prevent the depression. I think the last time she mentioned starting me on lithium, she said it would be easier if I stayed in a hospital for a while so they could find the right dosage. Did you have to do anything like that?
Good morning, everyone....in just a few pages, I "feel" like I know each one of you...because I guess, I know myself...
Oxygen, I signed up for your blog...you also inspired me to start writing (again)...and I am working on setting up my own blog...I will keep you posted...in my "just leave me alone and let me sleep" phase, I don't have the energy to put on my false "oh, everything is FINE!" face...so, reading and commenting here on this thread is less painful...unfortunately, the entire vaping community knows what you are experiencing....and I was idiot enough to use my REAL name when I signed up...for someone with such a high IQ, I sure am stupid at times....
Nancy, I KNOW exactly what you ean about feeling "crowded"...several of my ex husbands had to go because they were just TOO NEEDY, and wouldn't give me any "via" time...they felt like "emotional sponges"...and sucked every bit of life energy right out of me....
Stormlark...try not to let the delay work on you...back in 99-2000, I was manic and carrying 20 units a semester, with a goal of June 00 graduation...I broke down with the stress in the last semester, and got pushed to spring, 01....no one knows that, except you and me (cuz no one else is reading this, right?)...and to be honest, NO ONE cares whether I graduated in 00 or 01....the only thing that matters is that I DID graduate....and no one CARES that I was Salutatorian instead of Valedictorian....as a matter of fact, they don't even care that I had a 4.0 average....the only person who cared was ME...so, keep doing what you are doing...the goal hasn't changed, only the mile marker...you are doing good....
Mookie--for the FIRST time in my life, I find that I really couldn't survive without my "new" husband...only the good lord (and the cousin I call my "sister") know of ALL my marital failures...which I STILL believe were casualties of my "disease" (and NOT just because I am "a crazy .....)...my last manic episode was in 2005...and lasted two full years...(I "think" it was brought on by an Effexor/seroquel/adderall cocktail). I'm currently going thru a "sleep 18-20 hours a day" episode, and, if it lasts much longer, I will go to a doc, and see what we can do...I don't want to trigger a manic episode because I don't want to lose a husband I am fond of in the process....
I've taken myself off of all psych meds with the exception of cymbalta...originally prescribed for my fibromyalgia, (which is VERY successful), I found that I didn't need the old Trazadone script....(I know, I am the ONLY person still taking such an old medication)....I WOULD take my Ritalin, if I had a new script....why is it I fear going to the doc, other than feeling like his guinea pig?
Hoping that you all have a great day....maybe because this is ECF, and not a BP support group, I should say that vaping has been one of the greatest things to happen in a long time...next week marks 10 months cigarette free...yeah!!
Oxygen, I signed up for your blog...you also inspired me to start writing (again)...and I am working on setting up my own blog...I will keep you posted...in my "just leave me alone and let me sleep" phase, I don't have the energy to put on my false "oh, everything is FINE!" face...so, reading and commenting here on this thread is less painful...unfortunately, the entire vaping community knows what you are experiencing....and I was idiot enough to use my REAL name when I signed up...for someone with such a high IQ, I sure am stupid at times....
Nancy, I KNOW exactly what you ean about feeling "crowded"...several of my ex husbands had to go because they were just TOO NEEDY, and wouldn't give me any "via" time...they felt like "emotional sponges"...and sucked every bit of life energy right out of me....
Stormlark...try not to let the delay work on you...back in 99-2000, I was manic and carrying 20 units a semester, with a goal of June 00 graduation...I broke down with the stress in the last semester, and got pushed to spring, 01....no one knows that, except you and me (cuz no one else is reading this, right?)...and to be honest, NO ONE cares whether I graduated in 00 or 01....the only thing that matters is that I DID graduate....and no one CARES that I was Salutatorian instead of Valedictorian....as a matter of fact, they don't even care that I had a 4.0 average....the only person who cared was ME...so, keep doing what you are doing...the goal hasn't changed, only the mile marker...you are doing good....
Mookie--for the FIRST time in my life, I find that I really couldn't survive without my "new" husband...only the good lord (and the cousin I call my "sister") know of ALL my marital failures...which I STILL believe were casualties of my "disease" (and NOT just because I am "a crazy .....)...my last manic episode was in 2005...and lasted two full years...(I "think" it was brought on by an Effexor/seroquel/adderall cocktail). I'm currently going thru a "sleep 18-20 hours a day" episode, and, if it lasts much longer, I will go to a doc, and see what we can do...I don't want to trigger a manic episode because I don't want to lose a husband I am fond of in the process....
I've taken myself off of all psych meds with the exception of cymbalta...originally prescribed for my fibromyalgia, (which is VERY successful), I found that I didn't need the old Trazadone script....(I know, I am the ONLY person still taking such an old medication)....I WOULD take my Ritalin, if I had a new script....why is it I fear going to the doc, other than feeling like his guinea pig?
Hoping that you all have a great day....maybe because this is ECF, and not a BP support group, I should say that vaping has been one of the greatest things to happen in a long time...next week marks 10 months cigarette free...yeah!!
Yeah, I'm not sure which of the meds are messing with my head, but it's probably a combination of them. I woke up one day and my arm hurt really bad and was bruised. I complained about it for two days before someone reminded me that I'd had a flu shot. I feel like I'm losing it.
You mentioned sleeping a lot. With previous episodes of depression I would sleep almost all day, but for some reason, this one is different. I can't sleep. I fall asleep for maybe an hour, then wake up and stay awake the rest of the night. It adds to the hours of feeling miserable. I think I preferred the sleeping-all-day version.
My doc mentioned trying me out on lithium after the depression is taken care of. Her reasoning is that I've been on lamictal (a mood stabilizer), for months and it didn't prevent the depression. I think the last time she mentioned starting me on lithium, she said it would be easier if I stayed in a hospital for a while so they could find the right dosage. Did you have to do anything like that?
That's bizarre. Hear something new everyday. Besides, Lithium treats or augments other meds to treat depression. Why wait to start it? I take Lithium, Clonazepam, Seroquel, Lamictal, and Adderall right now. It keeps me busy.
I wouldn't recommend Seroquel to you unless nothing could make you sleep. 25 mg and you wake up in time for Christmas.
Are they talking psych ward or hospital? I've never heard that said anywhere. Never hurts to ask them why.
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Stormlark- when my dad was taking lithium he wasnt in hospital he just went for blood tests regularily.
totally agree about seroquel. It is a godsend when you cant sleep though!
totally agree about seroquel. It is a godsend when you cant sleep though!
Mookie, I prefer to be with someone that understands that I need to be alone. LOL
Long story short, he's there for me but doesn't make any demands on my time or that I be "the girlfriend". We talk daily, love each other dearly, and accept each other exactly as we are.... two completely screwed up individuals that definitely don't want to be with anyone else, but are incapable of having that normal relationship most people strive for either. I understand when he's in antisocial moods for a week or so, and he gets it if I'm in depressive withdrawal mode and need to be left the hell alone for a few days. I know he'll come out of his mood, he knows my mood has nothing to do with him, and for each other, we're capable of overcoming those moods a lot of the time or at least being with each other through them. My family and most of my friends don't "get it" and want to know when I'll settle down, be normal, and commit..... but to me, this is it. This is love.... being able to be myself without apology... to just be accepted and loved as I am, and to be able to actually talk to someone openly about what I'm feeling and why. He doesn't understand ALL of it, and I don't understand ALL of him, but we accept that and know that there needs to be no apologies or hiding who we are. Life is good.
Long story short, he's there for me but doesn't make any demands on my time or that I be "the girlfriend". We talk daily, love each other dearly, and accept each other exactly as we are.... two completely screwed up individuals that definitely don't want to be with anyone else, but are incapable of having that normal relationship most people strive for either. I understand when he's in antisocial moods for a week or so, and he gets it if I'm in depressive withdrawal mode and need to be left the hell alone for a few days. I know he'll come out of his mood, he knows my mood has nothing to do with him, and for each other, we're capable of overcoming those moods a lot of the time or at least being with each other through them. My family and most of my friends don't "get it" and want to know when I'll settle down, be normal, and commit..... but to me, this is it. This is love.... being able to be myself without apology... to just be accepted and loved as I am, and to be able to actually talk to someone openly about what I'm feeling and why. He doesn't understand ALL of it, and I don't understand ALL of him, but we accept that and know that there needs to be no apologies or hiding who we are. Life is good.
The name Seroquel just makes it sound like a sleep med.
Aren't most psych wards part of a hospital these days? So having a hospital stay for psychiatric reasons, you'd be in the psych ward, just as if you were having a baby you'd be in the baby-popping-out ward. Though I guess it depends on your location and state. Some states don't have the space or facilities for designated psychiatric treatment. So, mental patients might just be mixed in with chemo people and tumor patients and whatnot.
This all is in the general e-smoking section, so I take it anyone can read this stuff, whereas there is a designated section on ECF for mental people (Wellness Wrecked and Bonkers), and I think there it's more restricted to actual ECF users (and there's even sections that you need a separate password to access). I can understand the 'making-it-out-in-the-open' and 'breaking-stigmas' and everything, believe you me. But this being the Internets and all, public searches, personal identities, and blah blah blah. I dunno. Guess anything anywhere can be made public and used against you.
BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh waaa waaa waaa waa waaaaaaaaaaaa. That's what I have to say about it all. BBBbbbbbblllllllllllaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg. Sorry.
I totally get the need to be alone. With 4 kids I have to make myself available, but at the same time if I really need some alone time, I can get it thanks to my wife. She takes on a lot because I struggle sometimes just getting out of bed. But, she needs alone time too, just not as much. So, thankfully my wife gets it and I make sure she get out away from us too. As far as getting the mental illness, she tries. She gets bad PMS, so she sorta understands moods and thoughts being uncontrollable due to chemicals being out of whack. She just has to remind herself that I go through it every day all day. I'm on Lamictal, Abilify, and Clonazepam. The first 2 have been life savers for me. I still have depression and rare manic episodes, but overall life is much much better than 5 yrs ago when I was in mixed states almost all the time, suicidal and out of control. My wife stuck with me though.
The last time she mentioned lithium, I was in a very bad state, so it could be that she was just trying to convince me to agree to hospitalization. I'm not sure whether they'd send me to the psych ward or the hospital, but I know of a facility which handles drug addictions that sometimes takes in patients with depression, so they'd probably send me there.
I think she wants to wait because she's worried about making too many changes until the fall semester is over, since I'm still taking a few classes. If I don't respond well to her current treatment plan, I might bring it up or at least ask for a list of other options to choose from. I recently learned that's she less experienced than I'd previously thought. It turns out she's more of a physicians assistant than a psychiatrist, but she's been good to me so far.
I'm not exactly bipolar. I deal with constant anxiety and panic attacks, with depressive episodes hitting me about once every three or four years. I've been resistant to many of the typical treatments, so my medication cocktail may be a bit strange for anxiety and depression. I take 300mg Seroquel, 300mg Lamictal, with .25mg Xanax sometimes thrown into the mix to help during panic attacks.
With the depression hitting me again, she's put me back on Wellbutrin (an atypical anti-depressant), which was previously discontinued because it was triggering panic attacks, and a sleep aid (Sonata?). Three days in, my depression seems much less severe, but again, the Wellbutrin is worsening the anxiety. Trying to treat the depression without exacerbating the anxiety is a difficult challenge.
Wow that much seroquel would give me a vacation from life for about a week (sounds tempting actually lol), I hear you about the anxiety, I would rather be depressed than constant panic attacks. Hope you can get it figured out.
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Seroquel is an atypical antipsychotic with 5.7 billion in sales. Docs use it for just about every mental ailment. AAP's hold more risk than most meds. It shows AD effects starting at 900 mg. When you take it you better be near your bed. It glued me to my office chair till 4 am a few nights ago. LOL I think some docs say, here you go, it will help you sleep. But not that it's an antipsychotic.
I didn't know about the other section. The mods are welcome to move it. I have footprints everywhere on mental illness and I could care less. Can't lose a job offer on disability.
I stayed in a hospital that was half psych and half rehab. Only difference was our doors were locked. There was an alarm one night and all the nurses etc headed out, a junkie escaped. That was the only drama over four days. One minute I was talking to a tenured professor at a major university who was really depressed. The next was having breakfast with three women with schizophrenia. We talked about gardening and pets. A lovely 25 yo girl who pointed to an ad in the paper. She said I did that but I'm not sure if I'll get the chance again. I assume she had a meltdown at work like me. Hardly the picture in ones mind about a psych ward. Great AC too. I've known people in a small town where the fourth floor of the hospital was psych.
It's good to have an ally. Weird deal..my doc prescribed Abilify to me a few years ago. I took it at night with just Lithium I think. In under 60 seconds I was throwing up like crazy. I took it again the next night not knowing, same thing. Called my doc and he said take them an hour apart. Abilify started me on the rapid cycling nightmare, had to get off.
Glad you got through it Ed.
I also do not care that anyone can read it, Im not ashamed of my mental illness!
The one thing I really loved to do on seroquel was "how long can I stay up after taking it" game, my best was 2.5 hours, the last hour of which I do not remember .... I also played "how much sugar will seroquel make me eat tonight and how bad will i feel in the morning", not quite as fun
The one thing I really loved to do on seroquel was "how long can I stay up after taking it" game, my best was 2.5 hours, the last hour of which I do not remember .... I also played "how much sugar will seroquel make me eat tonight and how bad will i feel in the morning", not quite as fun
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