The KBV Novella-- Complete and Unabridged

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

boB do NOT give Ciego the hedge trimmers !! The hummers wont have feeders anymore and yissMs barkolounger will be chips on the ground ffs!

After Nancy sees that damn pic.. i will never get rid of her! ROBERT!!! you are in soooo much trouble MISTER!!!

Immabout to put up an ad for a good home for a slightly used husband.. well very used

boB is in trouble.............
again..........

And now for KBV Sports and Weather station 69.69 on your dial

Baseball
Tampa beats Cleavland 7-4
Seattle loses a heartbreaking pitchers duel 2-1 after taking a 1-0 lead in the 12th only to give up 2 in the bottom of the inning to Baltimore
KC beats the Yankees 11-5
in the AL

Cards win 9-1 to take 2 of 3 from the Cubs behind Garcia a CYA candidate early in the year improving to 5-0 (Nancy saves the broom for another series)
Mets over Rockies 9-5
AZ get to SF's Cain for 2 in the 7th and wins 3-2
and Atlanta beats Washington in the 10th 6-5
in the NL

Hockey to follow.

Weather After several nice days in the majority of the Country the unsettled pattern will return and if you didn't get your grass cut............. well you didn't get your grass cut Hot in FL but for most of The Country it's back to Spring.

Thanks for tuning into KBV radio station 69.69 on your dial we're looking into more programming and have had several on vacation this week, before long we'll be back to the sounds of the old, the sounds of the new, and well just plain sounds.

Your sponsor KBV announces they are on a 48 hour turn around RIGHT NOW which may extend over the weekend, comcast users please bear with us while we work out email problems and thank you for your continued support.

*boB comes down the trail on the pink General Huffy Lee to nab some Honeysuckle for the employees to extract and nearly runs over the body of VPJUNKIE510 ......... thinks about the crackpipe comment by Christopher but is leaning towards the injection theory due to the name* "VP dude! wake up!" ..... *as the VP starts to comes around he mentions his last recollection was of a hummer........





viewing due to all the honeysuckle. "boB the Buzz!!! (not the PV)" ............. "yeah VP you may wanna lower your MG if your going to continue to vape that much joose per day"................. *VP shrugs and says* "boB I sweat 36MG that's not what I'm talking about......... the Hummers ......... they were buzzing everywhere, sounded like a swarm of bees!" ...... "yeah VP I just got some video a few minutes ago............... around the Hidey Hole we can always get a good Hummer.....


viewing. I'll upload it when I get to the station"

*boB is concerned about VP and calls the medical center for advice, they think it's another call about Ciego so the receptionist when she recognizes boB's voice says* .... "boB this is the last time I'm answering your question I am busy and I've told you plenty of times it's true and Ciego IS circus sized!" ............... *Nurse Anita Shots is confused and boB asks if nurse Lotta Meds is around?* "boB Lotta Meds is usually pretty out of it on the weekends she's been on a high dose .........of work during the week" ...........

"Alright Anita but please listen! I got this guy who I think may have taken too much Honeysuckle he passed out and he's pretty groggy" ........... "boB monitor him for 1/2 hour and give him some Caramel Capp and see if that doesn't help wake him up and call me back"

*boB puts VP in the mail basket on the Pink General Hufffy Lee and proceeds down the path to the Hidey Hole* ............ *boB takes a quick glace at Chloes' backside for (the weather report) it's wet so the forecast is done, rain no doubt* .............. "WTF (not the joose) are all these sun lamps doing around the Hidey Hole and the cameras!" .......... *relieved he sees it's just the upcoming pics being taken of Tropicana girl and the new KBV sunscreen line*

*spots Bullet on her ATV and blows his horn and flags her down* "Hey Bullet you mind taking VP on the ATV to the coffee shop for some Cappuccino and keeping an eye on him while I make my rounds around Lake Fishigan and run a few errands?" ... "no problem boB I'll meet you there in a bit" ..... "just watch him cause we may need a Maddoktor too" .... "no problem boB do what you gotta do" .....................

"SOB! I was nearly hit by a FlyingV.... spot bottle what's going on?" ......... "refill time!" he hears ....... *continuing on he passes the DJ booth ready to give atchung a smile and the thumbs up on the jams but sees something troubling her* ....... "what's going on atchung?" ......... "boB I'm worried about bonniegirl" .......... "yes I know me too, I talked to her and she's not feeling well but she'll be okay I promise" ............... *passing the Jelly Man Bike Shop sees the lights still out and wonders how a guy can get a week of workman's comp for spraining his wrist while drinking FFS hope the Pink General Huffy Lee hangs in there until he returns*

*Approaches the beach prior to hearing medic's warning ......... "OMG I hope everyone at Lake Fishigan is okay!" .......... "dodges golf balls on the way to the coffee shop, passes the campfire while dull and simmering the smell of Smores still clouts the air* ........... *Finally arrives at the coffee shop and is in dire need of a good vape............ "ohhhh no there goes Tokyo......... Godzilla

box mod is back at the station!" *Busts out loaded Fiddle paddle dualie and walks in the coffee shop* "Guys I'm so sorry to have to bail on programming this evening but I gotta be up at 4 to take the kiddos trout fishing and I still gotta go get gear!" "Please watch VP and here's a number, it's for Nurse Anita Shots, if she's gone ask nurse Lotta Meds if VP isn't okay, thanks guys gotta go." ............................................................

*boB takes a quick glace at Chloes' backside for (the weather report) it's wet so the forecast is done, rain no doubt* ............

I've been pretty quiet on here tonight, but that's funny! Better than being called the cat's ..., ha! Or is it? Actually, the weather in my head is partly cloudy, as I put in a long shift dj-ing last night, so I must go to bed before the rain starts. Great comments and videos today, everyone! I'm takin' the night off. Later.....

Just realized I'm the only person on here anyway!

ahem.......................mod ho says TOOTSIE and the new bait A rocky road, gravel road, bumpy trail, cobblestone path.....IDK WTF(not the joose) it will be called but I call it MINE!.............now OMG(yes, the joose) is a must have and caramel capp is a flagship flavor and Mommas Angel Wings is a masterpiece of mixology mistress and of course one must paddle across Lake Fishigan in ones own fiddle paddle nirvana...................welcome to the Hidey Hole, pull up a stump and listen to KBV radio a spell. Nancy is gone but Bob has hired one of our own to take over the weather...............she is a bit tough to understand but she is a straight.......*OK, not so straight* shooter and speaks her mind and it is a mysterious place to be....................NO.............she is not THE ONE..........or has even seen the movie but her brain is a matrix of webs and is well...............pickled.........cough..............yes, that is a good way to describe the new weather woman............................PICKLED (DEFINITELY PRAYING NOT A JOOSE).....ahem..........I believe she has a bit of "experience" with weather conditions and well.................she is neither qualified or certified..*although she is certifiable*.............but, she works cheap and she is always around and so Bob figured Missy would not have the same problems as with that Nancy R Foxey what with the whiskers on the mole and the flowered house dresses and her love of one Ms Walker........................just sayin what I have heard from a friend of a friend and a cousin of another friends boyfriend so it is prolly reliable.

Bonniegirl had been walking down one of the pebble paths(Not the new joose) and was mumbling to herself and sees the infamous General Lee Huffy pinkness coming toward her............Yep, that would be Bee Oh Bee cause the .... tail is flippin in the wind and the basket is overflowing with aromatics beyond comprehension and well.........those lips can be seen a mile away. Bob skidded to a stop and said a fine howdy do and all and commenced discussing the recent situation(NOT the poor excuse of a JERSEY boy IMHO)with the weather girl Nancy R Foxey and the lack thereof due to her inexperience (IN WEATHER NOT in other things that .......ahem......change with the winds) and the fact that Nancy was in dire straits (what with Missy and her tiger claws out and all) and so there was no proper weather reporting and he was so overwhelmed makin the joose runs and labels and answering questions and returning PMs he was trying to fill in. He did mention that while the cats ... was a fine way to predict the weather (and a good excuse to look at the "warm fronts and the cold backs with the goose pimpled skin and all) he did need a proper weather person who could use meteorology and predict for the fisherfolk when to drop their line and when to haul their nets. This job was imperative. Bonniegirl listened ......feigning interest with a nod and a "OH yeah" and a "WOW" inserted when ever Bee Oh Bee took a breath of air..........but Bonniegirl had worms to dig and ground to scratch and miles to go before she slept. The red breasted robin was awaiting and the left knee arthur-itis was tellin her it was about to rain and rain hard. She said so to Bee Oh Bee and off she went.

<2 hours later>

Rains are falling at a 2 inch per hour, lightning and thunder flooded the skies and the ears and pelted the hidey hole with small hail balls(Not the volleyball) and OMG(Not the joose) all ran for cover. Bee Oh Bee looked at the skies and recalled his recent discussion *OK,HE was discussing* AT Bonniegirl the weather situation {NO, not him with the foul mouth, Big Ego (NOT the PV,) and the ribbed abdominal muscles and an IQ of 45} He got an idea, a lightbulb moment, an AH HA moment (Yeah, I stole that from Oprah)...........Bonniegirl could forecast the weather and free him up some time to drop a line and fish a bit with his son. He hopped on the General Lee Huffy without a basket/net full of species and pedaled his Chloe off.....ahem..........his back end.........yeah, and he headed toward Bonniegirls stump and found her and the deal was struck once he dangled the Ms Walker, a gallon of fiddle paddle and a gallon of Tootsie and a promise of "You will never go without e-liquid again" (sorta like Scarletts line in gone with the wind but lacking her passion). Bonniegirl agreed and rushed into her cabin to find the Farmers Almanac and gather her wits about her (which was no easy chore and was accomplished only after the third two fingers of her beloved Ms Walker). The radio weather forecast was to commence within the hour and work was to be done. She rushed around finding her clues all over the hidey hole, lifting stumps and checking moss growth and wetting her finger with her long tongue and sticking it up in the air to gauge the winds and throwing oil over the lake and well...............a lot of "SCIENCE" went into this job. She groaned with the arthur-itis and began the long trek.*OK, it was 50 yards but that is far if you carry as much in your bosom as she does and well, she does have the arthur-itis!* to the radio station KBV 69.69 on your dial.

Stay tuned to KBV radio............the sounds of the old, the new and the .........cough..........well.............just sounds.


Pass the popcorn please and a cajun dictionary, this should be unrecognizable!

*after being made fun of about the sig boB heads to the Jelly Man Bike shop to have him install the license plate on the Pink General Huffy Lee, it reads "KBV-69" and with the new miedicatio........ modifications out there will never expire* "boB I know you're not best with technology but FFS all you need is Phillip's screwdriver" ... "Yeah I know Jelly Man but Phillip hasn't been around" ........ "boB that's just what they call it, you can get one for 69 cents at any hardware store".....................


KBV will reopen this afternoon, along with bonniegirl taking over the weather and try to get the station back up and broadcasting again. Most importantly there will be a complete Novella recap provided so as no one has to read through 8000 posts (unless you wanna hear about all the good joose). We'll start from the beginning and try to briefly recap things such as, "why is he called Jelly Man"............................ "Did Ciego go blind from .... (we'll skip that)" .............. "wet dreams, my nipple touched the sheets" ......... .....




Willows (the highly anticipated








flavor) ............... We'll make our rounds on the Pebble Path and get all the newer people up to bait.

Bonniegirl has rearranged the room to suit her as she was all “squished up in dat dare hole ya'll calls a radioin room an all” and the sound man appeased her and allowed her ramblings and furniture destruction and empty bottles clanging together............the sound man asked in a calm monotonous tone

“10 minutes to air, anything you need?” and Bonniegirl gave him a sideways evil like glance that said without a word “shut yer pie holin.” The soundman was taken off guard and once again questioned Bee Oh Bees ability to do proper employment screening as this “sort” was not what one would call a weatherwoman. She was an oddity...........like nothing he had ever seen and she was …...well, ….....ahem........ODD. Bonniegirl pulled the chair on wheels over to the microphone and sat in waiting for the countdown the soundman had told her to listen for and the soundman pointed to his ears and tried in a charades sort of way to tell her to put on the earphones. Finally he screamed through the glass and the message was received and the earphones were in place and set her curlers on a downslope and a tangled web of plastic, pins and hairspray dust fell upon the floor. Bonniegirl gave another of those “glances” and the countdown begun.............IN 5............4...................3...................2.................1

and he pointed at her and she began her first radio episode of the Hidey Holers weather with Bonniegirl.



<cheesy jingle music plays to the tune of let it rain and sounds are heard over the jingle of thumping,

banging and mumbling>


Dontcha knowed dat dat dare pointin bees rude an all?..........ahem..............well dis cheer bees da weader reportin. I ain't a knowin why dey bees a needin somebunny tah be a tellin ya'll what dat weaderin bees doin cause dis cheer bees all commonin sense an all bet dat joose makin Bee Oh Bee sayed he wantsta has it sew I bees duh one an all. Now.........first in dah mornin I bee a seein dat dare red bosomed robin birds a settin on dah ground an dat be a tellin me dat rain be a comin and it prolly gonna bees a rainin fer a good bit cause dem dare worms bees a comin out dah ground and den dey eats em. So, spect some rain an bring ya some galoshes an a umbrelly wid yah if ya ees goin a ways. It gonna rain cheer in dah hidey holin about two or mebee free days an all cause dis cheer arthur-itisin an all bees some kinda painfulin in mah leff knee. Now dem winds...........cordin tah mah scientific finger wettin testin of the mossy Northin side, the finger beed getting dah winds from dah south and dat bees a good sign dat dare be warmin wedderin comin up from dem flordy folks. Dat be what dem dare radarin dopplerin peoples bees a callin a warm frontin bet Bee Oh Bee lahks tah be lookin at dat dare chloes ... an all an dat ain't needin cause dat wet fingerin test bees raht eber time. Dat goes fer dat Godzillain man too …........he bees lahkin dat cats ... way tah be a tellin dat weader an all. I sees eberthang at dis cheer hidey holin. Now fer dat Farmerin almanackin....dat be dah best dang book tah has win ya bees wantin tah knowed what tah wears an if ya be needin a sweater fer yer shoulderin tah be a warmin. Dat dare says dat on May duh 17 dat we be havin pleasantness in duh norfeast and in dah great lakin and duh midwest........ahem.......duh rest of dis cheer unitey stakes be fair on the 16 frew to the 17 and den be getting unsettlin. Now dis cheer bees what dat dare almanackin says fer plantin.........*whispers to soundman to read did here part cause she needs a constitutional break and the soundman reads aloud the following while Bonniegirl reaches in her bosom and finds a good PV (a CHUCK of course filled with some fine fiddlin paddlin on a fine fat an short 801 and draws as she opens the Ms Walker to belt a few fingers worth*


soundman:*shaking his head in disgust and reading with a contempt unbeknownst to KBV radio*

First Day Excellent For Planting Aboveground Crops. Second Day Favorable For Carrots, Beets, Onions, Turnips, And Other Root Crops. Both Days Good For Planting Cabbage, Lettuce And Other Leafy Vegetables, And For Planting Seedbeds. Second Day Good For Transplanting.


Bonniegirl:

*burps loudly* scuse me, dat be dah plantin an farmin reportin from are fahn soundman Peter R. Puny

Now fer duh fishin reportin............I done went down tah dat dare weighin in stationin and dare be a few nahc bass brought in bet most be a buzzin bout dat dare rocky roadin and escapin and dat dare hypnotickin..... an all.... but day bees a worryin dat dey bees a catchin somethin after eberone else an all an all is orderin dey selves up extry cause dey bees ascared dat dey be out of stockin on dare best catches. Sew get yer nets filled before discheer knee bees a swellin up good an dat dare hatchery bees a closin down an all. I heard dat ifn ya goes tah dah back road tah dat dare paypalin fishin site ya cin always be a askin real sweet lahk an git ya a net full even if ya has already taken yer limit cause Bee Oh Bee bees jest lahk a teddy bearin an he rides a pink bike an all dohn dat tellin ya sumfin? He says he bees closed fer dah bizness bet ya cin gits what ya needs at the back pier jest gives him a holler.


soundman makes an off with your head signal like charades and is telling Bonniegirl to cut but she gives him the “Nastyin eye look” an he shakes his head back an forth and knows the DJ will be behind schedule cause this is a long report


Bonniegirl:

What ya cuttin yer haid off fer? Now we needs to talk bout the extendenin forecastin.........I done looked at dat dare wooly wormin an he bees a havin a thin lookin line uh red colorin on hees back an dat dare means we bees a havin a bad bad winterin …..sews, if'n I was eber one of yous I would be a orderin ya some extry joose tah put up fer dat bad winterin comin.
OK dat be the weader reportin, the fishin reportin and dat be duh extendin forecast with an extry special plantin reportin by our soundman Peter B. Puny. Thank yea all fer lissenin tah dis cheer radioin programmin an thanks tah dat dare Bee Oh Bee frum dat kickin bassin vaporin fer payin fer dis cheer Ms Walkerin and bein dis sponsorin. Have ya a good day an remember tah take ya yer galoshes. Dis be yer Bonniegirl signin out fer tahday.


<Cheesy jingle music plays to the tune of “here comes the sun” and a ruckus is heard along with mumbling, bottles clinking and chairs moving and skidding on their legs across the floor along with a few choice words including “cut yer own haid off”..........”neber pointin at me er I bite yer finger offin” and a few others not ready for prime time words.>


Pass the popcorn please.............this radio station has moved to the lowest of lows.........and warm fronts are upon us!

Hooray for the new DJ.......................Steeldragon!..................only here at KBV radio, the sounds of the old, the new and ...........well.......just sounds!


OH my I love being odd and I love ODD people!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

<Cheezy jingle music plays to the tune of Hot Stuff...*Yeah, I am old as dirt and was a disco queen*>

Good DAY Hidey Holers of Fishigan U. S of A. and welcome to KBV radio 69.69 on your dial bringing you the sounds of the old *as dirt like me* the new *like the clear duals* and the .....ahem....well "ODD" *like pretty much all of us!*........ahem.........This show is brought to you by our sponsor Kick Bass Vapor where you will get lured in by their fantastic flavor, vapor and price. The Mod Ho would like to remind everyone that the opinions presented are not necessarily those of KBV radio or our benevolent sponsor and are solely the opinion and commentary of the Mod Ho, whom everyone knows is usually neither politically correct or even just plain correct! Now Mod Ho would like everyone to know first off, as usual, that Mod Ho knows a little about a lot, a lot about a few things and not a lot about a lot of things but today we will discuss something Mod Ho knows quite a lot about.....the right to vape. I ask each of you.........aside from shopping for the perfect color atomizer or cartomizer, cleaning diligently, and sucking obsessively......what have you done for your PV lately? Many may know there are real issues about what will happen when the FDA gets their alphabet soup muddy hands all over our e-cigs but do you REALLY know how serious the situation is? (Not the idiot from jersey shore) There are people from many agencies and organizations that deny our right to bear a PV. ASH.....(Action against smoking for Health) the ALA (the American Lung Association) and numerous other alphabet soup organizations have a skewed view of what e-cigs are and how they work. Despite a recent appeal in Federal Court upholding the prior ruling that e-cigs are Alternatives to smoking and are tobacco based products and the FDA may NOT hold or destroy e-cig imports at customs.....it is still happening. Many vendors take risk with thousands of dollars by paying prior to receiving your beloved e-cig hardware. There are many ways in which you, the regular consumer, can make a positive difference in the legality, regulation and sale of our beloved “hobby.” There are hundreds of posts on ECF and many organizations. Currently there are three organizations aligned to allow consumers to have their voices heard. One of those is CAASA. ECF has a subforum for them and joining is minimal in cost. There is a wealth of gathered information there to allow you to have the answers to tough questions asked by your Doctor, a bystander, a police officer or anyone. Take charge of our future and write your Senator, congressman, Governor or directly to the FDA. Make your voice heard. We, as a whole, can make a loud noise if we all speak together as one voice. Be a part of the answer. What have you done for your PV lately? Mod Ho Knows this about that.................every single person has a voice and when in unison, our voice as one will speak loudly. We are making gains in our right to vape but we need you too. Don't just buy exquisite joose, beautiful attys, the best of cartos and nice e-cig holders................make a real gift to your PV and fight for your right to Vape!

This has been a special edition of Mod Ho Knows brought to you by KBV radio and Kick Bass Vapor ….the best joose at the best price, with the best in customer service............on EARTH>! Kick Bass and takin names....................Let Kick bass Lure you in!

<Cheesy jingle music to the tune of “She's gone” plays>


Pass the popcorn and a barf bag.............that was soooooooooooooooo UNODD and BORING!
Hope the Novella starts back up! That was way more fun and it was ahem..............ODD!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

The Chronicles of KBV / continued..........

So it was Jelly Man, Bonnie, Missy and I and a few others around the campfire sharing good vapes. One night a big storm came and blew down an old dead tree, rotten, hollow inside and booniegirl was born along with the Hollowed stump. That storm blew in a guy that was lost, he was blind and couldn't see, it was Ciego. Ciego came to us on the cold stormy night with nothing more than the thong on his crotch. We took him in, we sold him good joose, we tried to clothe him but he'd have none of that. Within a week the sun was shining and he was sporting a KBV tattoo on his backside.

We figured to do this right we needed a preacherman and low and behold one came to us one day. We've had wolves, cats, jerks, you name it.

I figured what good was a beautiful lake without a dock so I got to building. It seemed like every night for two straight weeks the Ciego thought the darn dock railing was the wood stack and he'd burn it, then the next day he'd be wandering around down on the dock and fall in the water. We figured we better get a medic at the Hidey Hole and one showed.

Every single piece of the puzzle came together. No amount of planning could have played it out any better. KBV didn't have anything to do with me, KBV was brought together by something much more powerful than I. Sure we made the joose, sure we did research and set out to bring only the best quality and fun to the market but something much larger than I brought it all together. There's a reason the Hidey Hole is what it is. "Angelic Graffiti" someone once called it.

To Be Continued.....................................

*helping son with dishes, LMK next time bonnie!*

Bonniegirl, now we have a jailer on the inside for the next time you get locked up.

***** waving to all my friends*****
OMG Bonniegirl's weather forcast.. got me busting a gut! All dese cheer posts.. yall are good! and also wit choo!

Jellyman sure has a nose for thongs...................he pops up fast at the mere mention....................I make a motion we get Mini to whip him up a thong for himself so he can hold it, caress it, and have a thong of his own.


Just sayin


*sits back on stump awaiting a second to move the motion *

It is true that the Jelly Man has an appreciation for the much forgotten Thong... Comes from years of exposure to them at assorted bike events. They can be heavenly or... Ahh... Well, then there is Ciego & boB running around the Hidey hole sporting their banana hammocks!

Some things are better left covered... Me included.

Peter R. Puny, the soundman at KBV radio station 69.69 is sitting at the pub downing his 15th shot of Jack Daniels with beer chasers and shaking his head side to side. He has been at the pub since his shift ended with the weather/fishing report yesterday. His eyes are dark and his face is drawn and his head will not stop shaking side to side. Many patrons and the barkeep have asked if he was ok and he mumbled something about arthur and planting schedules and curlers. No one was sure what the problem was. He was usually a jovial two drink kinda guy and always tipped well and caste his eyes down ward when speaking with the ladies. He was a gentleman but he is broken (Not for the 801 or the 901 or the Chuck). Peter was a living mess and could not string a sentence together. One of his friends suggested that perhaps he was molested or robbed or mugged or .........well, traumatized, as he seemed to have PTSD and it was obvious he needed help. They thought perhaps the libations were the cause but the barkeep sorted that situation out after testifying that "he been like this since he got here." Peter was mumbling again and the pub became silenced and he was heard saying.......No weather............no weather...........no weather." Everyone was curious and curiouser as they could not put a finger on the problem until the door opened and another patron arrived. The barkeep announced, "Hey all, our bonniegirl is here!" Peter screeched a loud dog hit by a car kinda screech and ran out of the pub knocking over stools, chairs and a toupee off of one of the patrons. Bonniegirl sits at her usual stool, nearby the bathroom and the juke box and asks for a few fingers of her usual. She then mumbles:

*Dat dare be duh dangest odd one eye eber did seen. He akin lahk he dun seed a ghostin er a haunt."

Pass the popcorn please...............IDK who or what will do the sound cause Puny is really sufferin

<cheesy jingle music plays to the tune of “It's raining men” while a loud ruckus of chairs moving, mumbling and bottles clinking is heard in the background and at times overpowers the music, Several times during the intro there are wails of “NO WEATHER heard with a pleading voice>

Peter R. Puny wipes his snivelling nose on his sleeve and chokes the countdown.......in 5....sob.....4...hic......3....glub.......2.....1.....and a faint whisper of “God help us all” is heard as he waves at the new weather woman Bonniegirl as he was too afraid to point after the reprimand ON AIR for just doing his job. The head continues the disbelief ridden side to side movement*

Hey dare all of Hidey Holein dis cheer Fishigan U S. of A. Dis cheer bees duh wedder and duh fishin reportin fer dis cheer day numer nineteen of May. Well dat dare farmerin almanackin dun telled eat right agin yesteeday. Now dis cheer ain't no kinda part uh duh wedder bet I cin telled ya all dat dat dare full moonin bees doin sum hauntin tah a goot many folks an all. Dat be science fer shure wins ya sees a man turn tah a mess of cryin an booin an hooin ober sayin duh wordin wedder. Dem dare ambalincin folks'll tell eat tah be truer dan duh sky bees up an hells be down dat win dat dare moon bees full folks cin go plum crazier dan a bed buggin. Now less all git tah duh wedder reportin fer dis cheer day. Dem dare red breasty robins was in dah trees tuday an so dat mean dat prolly the rainin bees a lot less roun dis cheer hidey hole. Dat leff knee bees settlin down a bit an dat bees a good signin dat we bees a gittin a lot less uh dat humiditin. Dat bees good fer dem dare hot flashin wimens and fer dem round bellyin wid day pants showin day cracks mens. Werkin outsidin an all bees a mess better an all wid dat humiditin down. Lookin at dat dare fingerin wid dah tongue wind testin now. Well, sure as I bees settin cheer dat dare fingerin werent feelin no kinda windin er eben a breezin so dat meanin dat we be habin us a lake flat lahk glass and makin sure dat ya be usin a motor fer yer fishin tahday cause day ain't no kinda windin tah hep ya wid dah rowin an all. *loud gas release is heard* Dat dare ash treein has hes leaves straight an all an day ain't turnt up so dat be more proofin dat tahday bees duh day tah do dat washin an hangin on duh lahn an all cause dat be shureness fer a dryin day. Dat Birch stick wedder teller says too dat we bees dry tahday. Now dis cheer floodin prolems bees goin down bet dat be a dang sadness fer eberone what dun lost dare nets and boats an eben day housin an all. Jelly man bees habin a nahc jar at hees bikin shop fer donatin tah dem poor folks what dun lost eat all an all sews if'n ya gits down dare trah tah put some uh yer extry changin outta yer pockets an hep em out..........

*Bonniegirl is whispering to the sound man*

pssssttttt...........cin ya be a readin dis cheer part cause eat bees mah breakin tahm?

Bonniegirl hands a paper to a shaking and blubbering Mr. Puny and reaches into the abyss of her bosom for her PV and a nice bottle of Mommas Angel Wings, drips 4 big drops into her well broken in 801 mini atomizer and takes a long draw and exhales as she loosens the cap of the Ms Walker and takes a good long swig. A smile of contentment covers her ODD face as she repeats this process for several minutes which felt like an hour to Peter R. Puny as he reads from the paper handed to him

Peter: ahem..........sniff...............uh,uh,uh.........gasp..........well............cough, this is your fishin report for Lake Fishigan..........sniff.............sob

Lake level is at 611.3 today. Water temp is still in the mid to upper 50's. We need some warm weather to really get things going. We haven't heard much in the way of mushrooms this past week other than the yellows are up now. Turkey hunting finishes up this Sunday. …..sob,sniffle,glub

CRAPPIE- They are pretty mixed right now as the cold front from this past weekend played havoc with a lot of fishermen. Some folks are doing very well while others are struggling big time. The ones that are doing best are finding brush in 3-4 feet of water and staying persistent. You can find the occasional keeper out in 12-15 feet of water as well. Chartreuse and black or red seems to be working for jigs. Minnows and Crappie Nibbles or the Gulp Alive Waxies added are definitely the way to go. *sound of constant sniffling to keep mucous from running is heard throughout*
CATFISH- There were some decent blues come in this past weekend and a few flatheads but we didn't see the bigger ones that we had seen last week. Perch and goldfish seem to be the bait of choice. ….......sob, sniffle..........*loud nose blowing heard*
BASS- White bass are still biting up in the rivers and also some are coming off of points going into the main lake. Rooster tails, Little Cleos�.the normal stuff. Largemouth Bass are also up in the shallows and you can catch some dandies while you are catching crappie.

*Bonniegirl is heard during the report inquiring as to what was wrong and questioned his lack of composure and then begins to chastise him on air*

Dat bees duh worstest fishin reportin eye eber did heard.*A loud burp is heard She then gave him a sideways glance sayin for him to shut his pie hole without saying a word.*

Ahem...............hic...........Now one more thang tah remindin ya'll. Sence dat dare moon bees full an all, dontcha bees a plantin till after duh twentyiff cause dat be bad fer dem plants an day wheel dyin frum dat dare full moonin. *loud burp is heard*
Well folks we has tah git dis cheer wedder reportin an fishin reportin all dun cause dat dare DeeJayin bees cheer an she be lookin lahk she wantin tah git startin so we wants tah thank dat dare kickin bassin an all fer dis cheer program timin an we will sees ya cept we cain't see ya fer real an all bet we will talk to ya tomorry fer yer wedder and fishin report on dis cheer radioin station 69 point 69 on yer dial. Has ya a blessed day an all.

Peter R. Puny wipes his brow, runs to the mens room and is heard retching and prayin to the porcelain God, the Father, the Son and the Holy ghost and Bonniegirl collects all of her belongings and places them in their respective bosom side and exits the station with a whistle which sounded like a cross between Dixie and the funeral dirge


Pass the popcorn please..............wonder what program is next, can't wait to hear!

sob...........boo............sniffle...........glub..........schnicker................boo and another hoo for good measurin. Mod Ho was promised by the sweet Latin Lover hubby to be able to order the infamous Provari and just like my life..............the stove done went and blew up in an awful electrical sorta way which coulda kilt me or at the very least maimed me fer life..........but............I had been called to the porcelain God by a bladder which has dropped soutward and needed to be relieved and thus was out of range of said electrical firings. NOW.................ahem................since I am not a grand lover of electrically inclined stove top cooking and prefer gas and was promised upon purchase of the house that we would "correct" the cooking situation...........*Which IMHO was a verbal contract to change the cooking surface anyway*............Gas stove cook tops are almost double the elecrical demon counterparts and thus because I "NEED" the gas and a special gassy professional to do the gassy wiring and tubing and whatever those "gassy" men do..ahem...........the funds for my wish list have exhausted themselves up the chimney (Not our chimney at KBV but the chimney at the house which sucks the very lifeblood out of me)............sigh..............I shall dwell in the undercloud of Murphys Law forever and ever and I shall feast at the fountain of "I told you so's" from the latin lover prince of all things financial within the thresholds of this dwelling and vape not a provari and drool at all of the waitings and stalkings and orderings of others and be grateful that I have lips with which to suck my other PVs as dutifully as if I were vaping a Provari as I am blessed in many other ways...........ahem..........I was born with green eyes but have never experienced the green eyed monster until this thing has sprung upon me and am learning to grow still as wrinkles engulf my neck and fall like a turkey upon my bosom which is pointed southward for reasons of being tired from the sucklings of children and the nursing of patients ..........not with the breast but the lifting and the carting and the heaving....sigh...............and yes AUBS...........I, too, love the musical words of your posts and the lyrical sensical non sense of this thread and feel , as you, that the likes are definately stifling as they have stifled me many times as I feel as though my walls of grafitti are unapreciated or offensive and have regressed from such musings...........alas..........I digress as here again is a wall of nothingness other than my own moanings when children are hungry and folks are so ill and I cry for a silly thing which can "park itself." Oh my do I dislike the unchristian folly of envy.......................but it is mine to hold for now. AND...........I will cook with gas but not with a happy heart as I would rather vape like all the other Big Kids on the block and go without the chore of providing gourmet meals for the ungrateful who feel this kitchen, in this house is a restaraunt and that pasta does not come in boxes but from moms cutting board after the dough is made of semolina flour and sauce is not from a jar but from a basket of well vine ripened tomatoes peeled, de seeded and cooked slowly with just the right amount of love sprinkled upon them to make a heavy and sweet macaroni gravy to blow ones mind. NO MORE! The gas shall stay in the place from whence it shall come and I will make my favorite thing for dinner..........reservations!................This cook just quit.

*Bonniegirl had been sitting on her stump when the new share-eef, steeldragon, a man with steel toes on his boots and fire breathing to show he is tough when all know he is kind and really a soft one marred by years of dealing with the criminal types, approached her. He asked as to her where abouts when the "like" signs were moved. She replied in her usual mumbly way:*

Duh lahks? Whatcha talkin bout cheer? I ain't dun seed no lahks. I was at dat dare pub habin me a finger er two uh duh Ms Walkerin an ye cin ast dat dare barkeepin one an he tell ya sew. I seed dat dare wheelin uh fortunin gamin on dat dare telly visionin an dat dare schoolteacherin woman dun went an buyed herselve 2 bowels an fer duh lahf uh me I cain't see why dey be a needin morein one bowel. Dis cheer bowel I gots gib me enuff relievin each day tah keepin up wid an ifn ya had morein one wone dat be a keepin ya in dat dare outin house longer an all? Why ye be a astin me where I beed at win dis cheer "Lahkin" button be goned? You be a beady eyed ones ifn ya thanks dat eye bees duh one what takes eat cause I ain't eber taked a fang in mah lahf what ain't mahn........well cept dat dare Charlie wens I was a youngin an dat girlfriendin uh his were a raht ho kinda gerl an all an he lahkeded me bettern her anywho.

*The new share-eef was trying to do a thorough investigation but as he was new he was having a bit of trouble getting the point of this conversation by the time it was through and walked away shaking his head side to side. Seems this side to side shaking of the head was a thing that Bonniegirl brought out in a lot of folks. Many just couldn't "get" her and just walked away in a glazed over eyed kinda way.*


Pass the popcorn please............I can't wait to see the whodunit part of this investigation..........I really dislike the likes but did not take the likes cause I dislike them and do not want them but am dying to see who did take the likes and therefore likes the likes

*Bonniegirl continues sitting on the stump with a shifty eye peeled in the direction down the pebble path (Not the joose) towards the share eefs office. She has pursed lips and a wedged chin uplift to appear unbothered by the horrific accusations of thievery of the likes. It was confusing and a very bothersome situation(Not the jersey shore one) she is put in. Why this problem could jeopardize her valued job as weatherwoman at KBV radio and all the celebrity that goes with it. Everyone, even those from outside the hidey hole........the "OTHERS"(Not the movie) were recognizing her the minute they heard her talk. It had made her usual anonymous, bosom filling, stump sitting life turn into a circus of paparazzi and laughter. She was making people happy with her weather reporting, she could tell, everyone pointed and laughed when they realized it was her.......The ONE(Not THE one) that brought them news that they needed. She had a renewed spirit in her zig zagged steps and her load seemed lighter although she now had 20 ounces of joose in tow..........not her toe..........her bosom. How dare that new share=eef think she was some low down scoundrel that would take things. She was a giver in her mind although she had not really given anything cept a good gassy smell now and then when the Ms Walker was fixing it's way out of her system after a specially heavy night of fingers. Speaking of fingers........she had a heavy burden to be more worried about. Her wind tellin finger had gotten a hang nail and she pulled at it with her tooth and now it was festering into something far more that black tar was not able to repair. She knew if black tar failed it was a right serious problem and she moved over to her cabin slowly, dreading the coming treatment which HAD to be done as her finger was her livelihood. Much like a concert pianist or a famous painter, this finger was her talent and her tool of her trade. Sure, she could use the middle finger but that may get her in trouble round the hidey hole and folks could take it wrong and the feeling in the ring finger was poor and it was also hard to point that one up without the others trying to follow and the wind tests would be ruined. She approached the can of kerosene and much like peter R. Puny, she counted down to the treatment.....in5...4.....3....2...1...and she poured the kerosene onto the wind finger and the howling commenced much like a wounded animal or a trapped fox on a leg hold trap.............

Miste a chrity..........oh lawd in dah hebens.............sob and boo and hoo and shluck and wowziewoo...................HEP ME JESUS LAWD.....................oooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


Pass the popcorn please...........I think we need a medic or there will be no wind testin finger and no weather reportin!

**medic goes into Bonniegirl's cabin with a bad feeling..Maybe I should get somebody to come help me. I know Bullet is never around when you need her. Okay Bonniegirl lets wash your finger with soap and water. No it's going to stop the burnning...no I am not going to give you a shot. After you wash it I am going to put some cream and a bandaide on it......Bonniegirl stop running..it is not going to hurt......Somebody better stop Bonniegirl before she runs into the wild thorny rose bushes and we have a real mess.......**

Bonniegirl ran like she was running from a wild tiger blooded ex actor. That Medic had done real bad things with a "pitchin fork kinda needlin" and that would never happen to her again. She flew past the bait/tackle and coffee shop and Mini yelled for her to slow down a bit and all eyes were on her which only fed her fears that all were out to get her. She made a left at the dock and BAM the thorny wild rose bush tripped her and she flew head first into the huckleberry bushes and slid down the bank and into the murky waters at the edge with the green algae, bottle caps, plastic snack wrappers with lettering all washed off and a few fishing lines all webbed together and all of the debris was entangled in her curlers and on her house dress. The flowers looked wilted on the dress and the howling commenced...................... again. Were it not for the .......................willows muffling the noise, the fish would have been completely on guard and never even taken a nibble and nets would be empty for weeks.


Pass the popcorn please.......................WTF (Not the joose) is this going?

**Mini your going to need to make Bonniegirl a new house dress. Jelly man, I need some help with Bon****

Out for an evening ride Bullet idles down as she approaches the hidey hole. From a distance she hears…”what the heck…is that moaning?” Cautiously she rides towards the lake, as she nears the lake she sees a new path of broken huckleberry branches, wide rose leaves all a scatter and the .....….willows in pieces. Curlers stuck onto branches, pieces of torn brightly colored mo-mo (I call them mo-mo’s, you can call them house dresses). The hidey hole ritual, side to side head shaking dance commences…. "This can only be Bonniegirl, somewhere, somehow…this is gonna be our Bonnie”

Bullet gets off her bike to carefully walk the path of broken dreams and branches…. When suddenly Bullet spots something on the bank…remembering the movie “Creature from the Black Lagoon” Bullet can’t contain herself and falls down laughing after the initial shock of seeing Bonnie. There stands Bonnie at the shore, soaking wet, her curlers covered with long green algae looking like dread locks, fishing wire all tangled in her hair and what’s left of her curlers, her arms stretched forward, her house dress dripping wet and covered in slime and mud…howling and waving her arms. In the voice of Laura Petrie….”Oh Bonnie….what have you got yourself into now?...Quiet down lady before some new Sheriff hears you and comes a looking this way…you’ll be in trouble again and we can’t let that happen. I don’t know if I can pull off another jail break with ya Bonnie, the last one was almost a disaster….give me your hand…come on Bonnie, I got ya……”

*boB coasts down the hill on the Pink General Huffy Lee Raccoon tail in the air from the gained velocity of the new sprocket and wax job............. He passes Chloe and hears "Pat Myaz"



from across the way* "Heya Pat, how goes it?" .......... "Well boB I've been thinking about a benefit auction during the 1st annual Lake Fishigan thong contest............. Harry Azcrac has offered a prize but it doesn't sound too appealing" ........ "yeah I hear ya it's the thought that counts I guess but between what him Heidi Salami come up with some people are much less apt to buy tickets" ...... "Pat I gotta make my evening rounds, you mention it to your sister yet? " ............................... "which one boB?" ...........

"Joy Ryde Myaz" ........ "boB I hadn't thought of that I'll run it by her and TTYL"......




*continuing down Pebble Path boB spots bonniegirl running and screaming and medic chasing her* "WTF (not the joose) is going on here?" ................ "beee oh Be, that chair woman dun bes chasin me aroun wif sum water en all............. Iz bees thinkin she behn tahlkin to the preachin man and thems tink Iz cursed or sumtin and gonna pour some of tat tear holey water on me....... Iz be needin a savin but not byes tem, byes you from tem" .....

' bonnie I really think they just want to help... you see medic knows what she's doing and figures you better clean that finger or it may get infected" ........ "bees oh Be, Iz nebber had an infension Ms Walker could tak cares of...... Iz no it bes extensive en all but I aint opposed to pourin a few fingers on my finger if it migh maybe help" "Well bonniegirl maybe you should at least put some of this triple antibiotic ointment I got on it" ......... *bonniegirl lets out a silly drunken laugh*


"bee oh be...... nows yous not that dum is ya? how comes ya think thems call it triple......... why not double, or even that quad somtin? ........... it's like that 5 minute stomach thing I seen on commercial at the hopspital ...... Iz been aroun a long time and iffin you can make yer belly hard in a few minutes only makin cents to me iffin you do it a little fester or harder you can do it in less time....... be oh Be next Iz gonna be seein ya on the TV buying a bowel... iffin they get tham rabbit ears fixed and all..... why does they call them rabbit ears anyway? seems to me wike iffin they use rabbit ears we'z be a seeing bunnies hopping around wifout ears causin they used tham all up..................................



EDIT Waves to Levitas

Ok seriously I dont understand a word she is sayin , LOL> come on Bonnie , heres a nice new dress for you, I been making them by the dozen lately cause I know you gonna need one soon. This one has those pretty hi busky on it , you like them dontcha?
Now then we get you cleaned up , that weeds in the hair and fishin line is just no fashion statement ya know?

**Bonnie do you really want to waste Ms Walker by pouring it on your finger. Why don't you just wash you finger and dink the Ms Walker. I know that will make you feel better.*

***Hearing a loud commotion, Jelly Man walks to the garage doors of the Bike Shop in time to see Bonnie Girl run past and down the dark, empty dock... sliding over the edge and into the thorny, wild - untamed even rose bush. Flipping head over heels into the berry bush and into the waters of Lake Fishigan U.S. of A. Hollering and screaming continues as Medic chases down the runaway Bonnie. Medic hauls out a fishing net and pulls in her catch.***

Bonnie - ya needs to hold still and take yur medicine!

Ol lordy... oh help me... bob... Preacher Man... Someone... help me.....

***Seeing the tears running down Bonnie's rosy cheeks, I run to her aid and try my best to calm the confused and well inbibbed Bonnie Girl. Bottle of Ms Walker in hand, I approach the scene.***

Bonnie - I gotz ya Ms Walker here to fix that bum finger of yurz.... Don't be making it worse with the booing & hooing... ya knowz all here at the Hidey, Honey Fishing Hole have hearts of gold and will do nothing ta harm ya! Hold still and take this here bottle and let Medic doctor you up, then we will get ya into Minis for a new House dress.

Bonnie takes the bottle of Ms Walker and downs a good third of it as Medic deals with the Ailing finger... Aiding our Bonnie to her wobbling feet, we guide her to the path and down to the fretting Mini for a clean house dress.

Seeing the immediate emergency is over, I return to the Bike Shop to finish the New Medic Machine Chopper I have been finishing to get our own Queen of Medical Knowledge to the scene fast.... 2200CC of V-twin power on a racked chassis with a chromed out side car in white and orange - blue cross and shield emblazoned. Lights wired...Siren ready! I think we are about ready for Medic to take it out for a ride....

*Bonniegirl is sitting on the stump (I know, she lives there FFS) and watching all of the comings and goings and hearing all the mutterings about end of days and thinking about it. So what if it is, she thinks. Every day is a gift, that is why they call it a present. These folks are all rushing to fill their nets and pull them and suddenly an old song from her youth comes to mind especially in light of the sounds coming from Jelly man cycle shop..........she suddenly has a lightness to her eyes and a lifting of her spirit............it is her Led...........her Zeppelin ......and she has a way to celebrate this nonsensical way of rushing around for the end of days and mumbles her usual singing style*

Dares a lady whos chore all dat grissens ees golt an she buyin duh stairwyed tah heben, win she gits dare she knowed if dem chores ees all closed hum de hum hum dee hum de hum hum (don't LOL, ya'll has filled in when ya didn't member dem wordins)

*There is a lilt in her step and the zig had taken over the zag and somehow had balanced out the walking situation and so she wandered to the cabin to fetch the 8 track player from the cabinet, plugged it in and placed the stix album inside and placed the volume as high as it would go...........somehow led had changed her, moved her, reminded her, brought her alive and she listened with a contented smile on her face sayig aloud.......*

Dis cheer bees duh bestest wun dat Led eber did, take dat Jelly man ya slow pokin tucky boy

YouTube - ‪Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven‬‏



Pass the popcorn please.......................this Novella Led Zeppelin war could get ...........well...............ahem............ROCKIN!

sigh..................ahhhh, to be young again and truly believe that you would marry the Led boys..........all of them! Youth has a way of intoxicating your logic with dreams and wondrous musings and thoughts of love and silly making outs in the backs of cars.........the dishes were always done and the biggest chore for dinner was getting there on time...............oh, to be young and naive again.


Well at least I has me some dang good joose to be old with.

@Bullet............one of my all time fave songs and never heard K D Langs' rendition and man that woman has pipes and enough heart and soul to make that song go to the next goose pimple level.........I could, also, listen to that song all day, every day and get something new from it every time. Your story about your parents was a gut wrencher ...even to a death hardened old oncology nurse that knows the smell and feel of death as sure as I know my name...........Thanks for that.

ahem.............when is Jelly Man gonna get to Jersey? I could use a bike ride.............always been afraid of those 2 wheeled "murdercycles" but since it IS the end of days WTF!

*Bonniegirl walks back from the medic shack and is booin and hooin and a bit sad that the end of days did not come. Had the rapture happened like the kooky preacherman(Not our HY) said she would never had to go for a recheck and a bandage change on the blessed weather tellin finger for the wind. To think that some of the pain of the festered finger could have gone with the wind instead of try to heal for the wind was a novel idea and almost a let down. All that led Zeppelin singin and all that fixin of the curlers and changing of the housedress to a nice new Mini sewn one was for naught. No rapture, no second coming, no angels, not even a bird fell from the sky. Much like her whole life, the only thing that ever fell from the heavens for Bonniegirl was the ocassional bird droppings and once a baby bird fell from the nest onto her bosom and that was a horrid sight. baby birds are far from cuddly and snuggly, they are bony, bald and sit with their mouths open all the time. But, baby birds were not to be thought or fretted upon at this time. There was work to do. Bonniegirl had to teach the left handed pointy finger to do the wind testing and it must be done right away. If she didn't get it that cats ... would be back with her backside tellin the weather and while many fishermen liked and even "LIKED" that, it was far from the exact science of the wind tellin finger and the Farmers Almanac. Even worse would be if the cats ... was unavailable that big bosomed and small minded Nancy R. Foxey would return for sure and that might be the end of the serene feeling at the hidey hole. Missy HAD sharpened her nails to points and many noticed a new territorial look in her eye. Missy had been bitten by tiger blood fever and she was out for blood. NO, Nancy was not a good option. The left finger would learn and Bonniegirl would teach it to. Finally arriving at the stump and taking a good long draw of the jamaican ginger mint for medicinal purposes and 4 fingers of the Ms Walker for the same reason, Bonniegirl commences "discussing" with her own left pointer finger how to do the job.She puts the left pointer finger in front of her eyes and while concentrating very hard, she speaks to it.*

Now lissen cheer ya goot fer nuttin dead fingerin..........dis cheer hole lahf uh mahn eye ain't a asted ya tah doin nuttin fer me. Dis cheer raht hand an all uh hees fingerins dun been dun all duh werks cause ya ain;t duh smartestest tool in duh shed an all. Wins I be a suckin and wettin on mah fingerin......dat be you.........you wheel be a feelin dem dare windins an givin me a coolin feelin frum dem dare winds...........den dat dare job bees dun an ya cin goes back tah yer goot fer nuttin self an jest hangin dare wid duh rest uh yer worfin nuttin frendins.....dem udder four goot fer nuttin fingerins what ain;t eben hepped me tah be awipin mah ... an all. Dis cheer raht hand dun hepped me wid duh Ms Walkerin an dis cheer drippin an dis cheer wipin uh dah assin an duh eatin ansometimes eben gibin me sum goose pimplin funnin an all..............dis cheer raht hand and all uh dem fingerins has dun all uh dat dare goot werkins fer me bout time ya dun somethin to earn yer keepin. Now git ready fer dis cheer tryin eat out......hear?

*Bonniegirl places the left pointer finger into the abyss of her mouth among the silver fillings and some recesses of teeth gone yonder from years of grinding them in her sleep ..........she moistened the entire finger well and lifts it above her head and stops in a meditative way to feel the finger and tell the winds..................*

Nuttin,,,,,,,,,,Ya ees a goot fer nuttin fingerin an cain't tells a wind from a fire an all...............dis cheer bees duh end uh mah bein duh bestest wedderin woman what come tah dis cheer Hidey holin an now dis cheer fingerin ees a loser...........dis cheer shure ain't a winnin fer shure.

*Bonniegirl contemplated weather without a wind report, placing a wind flag up, weting her arm but her mouth was too small......this whole situation was futile and she felt defeated. Just as she began to Boo and Hoo she caught a glimpse of Peter R. Puny peeking around the tree and smiling a big toothed grin at the sight of her wound and it infuriated her and she leaped after him like a hound dog after a rabbit*


Pass the popcorn please.................this dog may just catch the rabbit and who knows what will happen...........wonder when the festered weather tellin finger will be well?

All I can say is Praise da Lawd, she's still here! Bonniegirl has got to give us the finger, and beat that Puny Peter to a pulp, too! That didn't come out right.

Ahem..............I resent the purse pup= Paris ...........OK, I represent it.............but, my Lola needs me and her blood sugar can drop and she needs a water drinky every 30 minutes and she is tiny and her dress may get wrinkly and her bow not straight and well...the purse is gold and very nicely made leather and people at restaurants love her and Walmart takes 4 hours to get through and it does slow one down with the "can I hold her" and "how big will she be when full grown" and "Where did you get her?" and "How much did she cost? and well, you get the idea...........cough...............and, she makes my pain less hurting and my hurting less stabbing and my heart less sad............so, I NEED her with me. I do..................believe me or ask Missy or Mini or Jelly man or Godzilla....agh...ask anyone that knows my situation (NOT the embarrassment of Jersey)


Oh Janet that would be "heavenly" to smell the lily of the valley...........God only lets us have them for a week in early spring and I run every day to the garden and watch till their little bells almost open and carefully pick the tiny flowers and put them in an aperitif glass near my puter seat, near my bed and in the testosterone free rest room..............I think Bonniegirl would love the dress as long as there is plenty of bosom filling room and a nice opening for taking out and putting in the bosom.........IDK about the weather cause her wind tellin finger is festered real bad we shall see where that goes...............ahem...............perhaps a call to Nancy R. Foxey to fill in?

OMG Cohen rocks it out............that verse is my fave and I can not find the original long version

Pass the popcorn and the peanuts too..........I need a salty mouth to give credence to the evening libations........yeah.........."My mouth is soooooo dry, I need a drink!"

*Bonniegirl awoke with the festered wind tellin finger throbbing like a heartbeat or a drum roll or the young son of Peter R Punys sound system in his 300.00 car....BOOM,BOOM,BOOM,BOOM. It was nearly putting her out of her mind...........ok, more out of her mind than usual. She knew there was one way and one way only to relieve the pain short of cutting the wind tellin finger off and it was early but the pain was horrifying. Ms Walker! YES! She decided that for medicinal purposes, she should give the wind teller the Ms Walker.............choosing carefully, she chose the red dressed one as it was, after all, just a finger. had it been a two finger job that would call for a nicer higher priced dress but this was a one finger job. Bonniegirl found an old empty bean can, rinsed it with her morning dishwashing water and poured a finger of the Red Ms Walker. After removing all those bandages Medic applied, she carefully and slowly and with a great grimace on her face, lowered the wind tellin finger into the can. The initial cold burn shock was unbearable but the numbing began and as she sat with the finger drinking in the medicine a soft wind lifted the aromatic smell of her old friend Ms Walker and the green eyed monster of envy overtook her and she talked to her finger in a mumbly sorta way.........as usual.*

Hey dare.........ain't ya duh greedyin one takin all dis cheer Ms Walkerin fer yeself? Gimme dat dare can an a sip fer meself cause eye bees duh one dat ees a sufferin an all

*Bonniegirl removed the finger and took a long sip and replaced the finger in the can. The finger and Bonniegirl shared.....one fer you and one fer me........until the can was empty and somehow, miraculously, mysteriously, wonderfully..........the pain had subsided, the misery was through, the BOOM BOOM was now a little tap tap and all seemed well with the world. Bob passed by on the General Lee Huffy and like all the others he shook his head from side to side and waved while attempting to navigate the pebble path with a basket overflowing with aromatic tasty jooses aplenty. Jelly man walked up the path and Bonniegirl hurried to put the Ms Walker away to preserve her privacy and also to preserve her stock as jelly man, also, had a love of all things Scottish and may clean her stock out.

Howdy do dare Jelly man, hows thangs an all at dat dare bikin shoppin? Does ya thenk ya cin makes me a bikin wid 4 tireins cause i ain't none too steadyly wid dis cheer arthur-itis an all an eye bees a needin a transportin tah dat radioin station cause dis cheer wind tellin fingerin ees a goot shapin now.

Pass the popcorn................the weatherwoman is on the mend

***Jelly Man encounters the mumbling Bonnie Girl at her stump as he walks down the Hidey, Honey Fishing Hole in Fishigan U, S, of A... Turning of the path to approach the stump, the wind blows the distinct aroma of Ms Walker his was as he draws near Ms Bonnie.***

Hey Bonnie... How is that weather finger of yours today? You want me to make you what? a four wheeled bike huh? I like a challenge so I will see what I can do! ummm Bonnie - not to be nosy or anything, but don't ya think it is a bit early for the Ms Walker? I mean still a lot of day light left and all...

***Seeing the angry light coming into Bonnie's eyes, Jelly Man decides a change of subject is in order... Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his latest Chuckling... Just purchased from a Classy ad and already repainted.***

Hey Bonnie - you being a mod ho and all, take a look... I bought this from a nice gentleman and since I had the extra paint and stuff around decided to make it a Hidey Hole Original Chuckling.

***Pulling the cloth from his newest baby to reveal:

View attachment 39714

What ya think about that? I think boB is goona want one to match that chopper of his!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Dat dare bees a fahn ways uh coverin up a nasty confederatin flaggin an all an dat dare General Lee Huffy bees jest raht fer dese cheer parts an all...............now alls ya bees a needin ees a ..... willowin chuckin an ya wheel be raht fahn................ain't ya got some motorbikin tah be fixin er sum udder folkses bizness tah be gettin yer nosin in? I gots some werkins tah do.........now git a goin.

*Bonniegirl checks left, right , front and back (NOT the cats or that Chloes) to make sure no one is looking and lifts the Ms Walker to assist in the medicinal quality of it's numbing pain relievin, sufferin endin, ever lovin goodness of warmth it provides and she smiles a contented, peaceful easy feelin kinda smile*

Mod Ho wants to make something clear here for those who may not know the "situation" about knock offs. Once upon a time there was a laundry soap named Borax. It was a good laundry soap but it had to be good cause outside of gravel and the river, it was the only laundry soap. We now have 40 million.*OK, I exaggerated* laundry soaps. Some better than others. In the beginning of the e-cig revolution, there was NJoy............just because they were first does not make them better. Each month there is new technology coming along .....I remember when a carto was a new idea!..........YES, we had atomizers only and most did not drip, spent millions of threads discussing cart mods with tea bags, new fish filter gunk and YES! even human hair. SLB is a company named shenzhen technology and they have their own factory. While I am NO FAN of hoosiervapor and his business style, ethics or anything about him and in no way endorse him personally, I will take a moment to stand up for my favorite e-cig manufacturer. IMHO...pound for pound, dollar for dollar, I will choose slb everytime. Their attys last me over a year, The machined parts are mostly never wonky threaded and most important, their prices are for real people. I will not pay 10.00 or more for any atomizer......not even if it is lined in platinum. The Ego kit from slb has been in use by me for over a year and I will not ever recommend to any new vapor to drop 100.00 for a joye kit......ever. Anyone interested in an slb should talk to Bob and ask him to carry them. As far as that meter.........I have never seen anything like it but will PM my electric genius friend and ask for you.

*steps down off soapbox*

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time
and decided that, in spite of two different specialties,
they would open a practice together to share office space
and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the
proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr.
Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid
and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and
Hemorrhoids." This was also not acceptable, so they again
changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and ....
Retentives"....thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and
Behinds"....still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost
Souls and .... Holes".......unacceptable again ! So they
tried "Analysis and .... Cysts".....not a chance. "Nuts and
Butts".....no way. "Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.
"Loons and Moons".....forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends" Everyone loved it.

Morning Hidey Hole, Soooo , how did Bonnie get a testesterone free bathroom and where can I get one! LOL

Glad to hear that everyone is ok from the storms that came though but my gosh I feel so bad for those people in Joplin,

We are so lucky to have people like flying V and Medic out there to help .

Take a minute today to think about all the good they do ....................

Ok I need more coffee LOL

This is the best recipe I know for gooey Butter Cake, I usually add an extra 1/2c. powdered sugar to the recipe. This stuff is so sweet and rich and O M G (not the joose) I could eat it till I puke...which is why we only make it on holidays around here. Be sure to sift some powdered (confectioners') sugar on the top once it's cooled!

Ooey,Gooey Butter Cake

1 package yellow cake mix..I like Duncan Hines but any yellow cake mix will do
1 stick of butter (melted)
1 egg

Mix all of the ingredients above and pat in a 13 by 9 inch pan

Topping
1 8 oz package of cream cheese (softened)
2 eggs
1 box of 10x Confectioners' (powdered) sugar

Mix cheese til light and fluffy, add eggs and mix well, then add box of powdered sugar. Beat til all of the lumps are completely gone.
Pour this mixture over cake in pan and bake at 350 Fahrenheit for 30 to 45 minutes or until topping is golden... allow to cool.

Sprinkle with powdered sugar and cut into squares!

I would love to hear how you all like it after making it! There is no bakery or store that can make anything close to this recipe.

Damn....I am going to have to hide the keys and NOT grocery shop for a few days...I really want some of this now!

Jelly Man is alive and kicking, if a little singed from the ...Aaahhh... Mishap with the new combination chopper and turbo vaping device inspired by Ciego's A.N.U.S.

Think I should have mixed down the jet fuel and not hit the nitrous.

Been out riding a little and converted another friend to vaping. KBV Joose has that effect on folks... Just loaned him my Turbo, couple of 801 shorties, even shared some of my precious Nutty Uncle KY!

Have to post a Jelly Man says soon. Have fun and be safe! I need to fire up the grill... My girl is coming home with her boyfriend for so of pop's cooking.

Hey now , why am I not there for the grilling , sheees , missing out again

Hope everyone is having a great weekend in the Hidey Hole !

GGGOOOOODDDDDD Morning Hidey Hole! KBV Radio, 69.69 on your dial... the best of the new, old, and well... just Odd!

Jelly Man here - Rocking our way through another long block of your Fishigan favorites! On the way, we got some Zeppelin, Ozzy, and The Cars and many, many more...

It's a warm, sunny 78 at the studios as we fire another long set of your favorites for Memorial Day BBQs, a complete look at your Hidey Hole forecast is on the way, but right now lets get the party started!

** Ciego, insomniac as always, emerges from the woods, momentarily appreciating the quiet and solitude of the lakeshore in the moonlight.***

Gosh, so many new faces around here! Folks trying dual coils (whatever that means) and all the new KBV flavors I haven't yet triued. Somebuddy promised me a sample or two, but never sent 'em. That's okay. Sigh.

** Pokes at the embers of the campfire, coaxing them back to life and adding one small piece of seasoned wood, which lazily catches fire.**

Yup, mighty peaceful around here this time o' night. I should be sleeping, got my knee surgery in about five hours, but can't.

Aw, crap. Life just hasn't been as much fun over the last couple months.

**Concerned about wild fires, Ciego douses the fire before it can even fully grow, and moves quietly back into the forest. **

***A strange but familiar presence awakes the jelly man in the wee hours of the morning... Feeling a uncontrollable pull out the front door of the bike shop toward the camp fire. As he emerges from the trail into the clearing, wisps of smoke are rising from a doused fire and a mysterious thonged figure drifts like lake fog into the forest. I run to the figure... Hand outstretched calling his name...***

Ciego? Ciego? Is it you?

***the only answer I hear is the night birds and the frogs... I turn to walk away and in the distance there is a loud crash, a splash, and a LONG string of curses.***

Dang.... Stupid... ........ Willow... Wild roses... Dock...

Nice to have you back Ciego! Hurry up and finish that sauna so we can have a nice long vape.

Preacherman Hy steps out of his lean-to onto the creaky deck with the creaky rockychair... just in time to see Ciego dump sumpin' on the fire and a cloud of smoke rises.... and he disappears... no doubt off toward the dock. That ol' Kentucky JellyRoll geneman Chris hollers out to him but the only response is a cursin' and a splashin'... He sounds ok. If he was drowin' we'd hear glubbin' n sputterin'. Surrrrprized Bonnie hasn't peeked outa her improvised motorized shack.... um porch..... um ..... motorhome to say howdy. (is it still a motorhome if all the tires are flat?) Gonna sit righ-cheer in the rockychair for a spell and see what pops up. Figure I outa climb up on the roof of the lean-to and adjust the internet dish...nah... take care a that tomorrow.

*hearing screams while praying for medic boB runs behind the Jelly Man Bike shop* .............. runs the vapor while smelling down pebble path.............. "wait a minute something came out backwards ......... oh that was my name MN" *arriving at the scene is somewhat relieved to find Jelly Man just hit his thumb with a hammer and is not beating the banker (not one from Deal or no deal) don't laugh Y'all have watched it Howie's cool.*

"gonna be alright there Jelly Man?" ......... "yeah but man that hurt! I'm trying to get one of these old ATVs going for Ceigo for when he comes back, I'm worried he may fall on Pebble Path trying to get around on crutches and fall ......... I'd hate to see someone take his A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) to the face" ............... "well darn that's mighty thoughtful of ya Jelly Man but you think it's a good idea to have a blind man riding around Lake Fishigan on an ATV?" .............. "I'm done way ahead of ya boB, Imma install the newest G.P.S. (Generic .....willow Sensor) on it and you know where it'll be..... "I sure hope you're right and he doesn't catch his N.U.T.S. (Nicotine Use Termination System) on a rose bush or something" ...................... " I got something planned for that but it's a surprise" "they don't call you the Man for nothing guess I'll have to wait and see what you got planned.....................


*waves to Tropicana girl and the gang and goes back to work filling orders, gonna have to sit down at Auntie M's for coffee soon, missing you guys *

Wellsir (sez me to meself, noddin' all thoughtful like and whatnot as I sees da Jelly Man workin' his wondermous majik on dat dere ATV thingamahoosie), as long as Ciego don' go an' wreck up on sumpin' an' go an' bust up his P.E.N.I.S. (Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalation System) all to getout and back, it's all good, I reckon...but, we'll wait and lookysee, I guesses...
"Hey, DoK! Hand me dat dere wrench!"
"Sure thing, bud - Phillips or regular?"
(Sumpin' tells me it's gonna be a looong night at the ol' fixit shop...)

*** Ciego applies yet another ice pack to his post-op knee. He sends up a prayer of thanks for the two things that are keeping him alive and pain-free: Vicodin and KBV juice. ***

Wow! Many wounded. A "get well soon" shout out to Medic and to BonnieGirl, my vewy first fwend on ECF. Okay, actually the second.... LOL

Man, this cast clashes with my thong. Aw, crap.

*** Swallows another 10 mg./1000 mg. hydrocodone/acetomenophen blend and takes a big piuff of Bogart.***

Ah! Pain? What pain??

**** Bored with sitting around with his knee iced and elevated, Ciego pulls down The Big Book of Dangerous Projects - Braille Edition and begins to thumb/finger through the stiff, lumpy pages....****

Ah! Here' Here's the original plans for the N.I.P.P.L.E. (Nicotine Inhalator Portable Personal Lung Exciter). Naw...the A.N U.S. was a better design....

Hmmm. Okay, how about an Automatic Nose hair Removal System? Naw.... ever since I got a snootfull of Vomit Vapor (TM) Vulgar Vegan Volcano, I haven't had any nose hairs to worry about...

Hmmmm....what's this thing that looks like a chrome plated piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over it? Oh, never mind....my wife already has one....hee hee hee.

*** Ciego takes a big pull of Nutty Uncle Ky....the juice, oh ye of filthy mind!***

Well, rest assured that as soon as the knee is healed, I'll be building something dangerous and fun. Wonder if Jelly Man has that self-guiding GPS ATV wheelchair ready for me yet?

Oh, and thanks very much to all the well wishers, wall washers and whale watchers who have been so kind in their comments to me. I truly appreciate all my friends here at the Holy Hiney Hole. <wink>

BoB, as I told you earlier this evening, I won't bother you for awhile with juice orders. Sounds like you and Missy have your hands quite full, and as I said, I have literally dozens of 15 ml. bottles of KBV (and lesser) juices to vape through. I'm just really curious about some of these new flavors!

In fact, once I get around to getting a bit of your Ry 4, I'm going to do a blind taste test with fresh attys etc. against two other Ry 4's, both of which I liked: FSUSA and V4L. Many of the Ry 4's are reported to be overly fruity, so I'll be curious to see where KBV's lands on the fruitiness scale (versus caramel/tobacco). I'm pretty set though.

Here's a cool thing. I'm not going to intentionally spark the "steep or not steep" argument again, but to my taste, KBV does indeed have a few juices that really seem to benefit from a couple weeks' waiting time. I didn't like Bogart out of the bottle...a month later and I can't put it down. Probably just my taste buds.

*** Ciego is still awake, because the pain killers aren't even slightly slapping the pain right now)...***

Aw crap.

Wa-a-a-a-ajh! (crying like a little baby...boo hoo. I am such a wuss....)

Morning Hidey Hole!

boB!! you left your uh , thong over on my thread and your uh unit may be lonely without it , you might wanna come get it LOL

Hi bbgirl !

*** Ciego proudly unveils his U.N.I.T. (Universal Nicotine Inhalation Toker) from its silky thong carrying case. ***

Yeah baby! Now *that's* what I call a unit! So round, so firm, so fully packed. The new bulbous design cone is perfect, especially with the custom molded coronal flange. And look! The "main vein" on its underside carries loads of vapor from the two spherical juice wells at its base. This is fantastic.

** Ciego begins to take a puff, then freezes, feeling a bit uneasy for the first time since inspecting the unit. ***

Aw, crap! It doesn't produce a steady stream of vapor...just multiple little squirts.. Ah well, back to the old drawing board....

*** U.N.I.T. in hand, Ciego stumbles toward the lake, onto the dock, and......***

*** Splook! ***

Aw, crap!

SPLASH!

***Working in the bike shop, the loud splash is heard echoing throughout the Hidey Hole at Lake Fishigan U. S. of A. Its the sound of the return of one of its own, well, Odd sons from his travels and adventures... Jelly Man chuckles to himself thinking Welcome Home Ciego! The ......... Willow and the wild, thorny, unkept (just plain untamed) wild rose bush have missed you.

Now if he will only get to work and finish that eye sore of a sauna he started before running off to parts unknown.

Taking a few puffs from his faithful Chuck - His Royal Jelliness, Chuck the first; Jelly Man goes back to his project of a self guided ATV for Ciego to TRY and keep him out of the lake.***

Attention Hidey Holers!

You are all cordially invited to the Grand Opening of the Lake Fishigan PV Sauna, Friday June10, 2011.

The new sauna includes many exciting features for vapers, including a wet sauna that drips KBV juice instead of water onto the hot rocks. I am now accepting suggestions for which juice we should use to launch the PV sauna, so please PM me or post here in the thread. I cast the first vote, OMG. (the juice...it's my fave), but you might want us to drip something else onto our hot rocks.

The PV Sauna seats 32 sweaty naked people. A co-ed cold water shower will be available, but the dressing rooms (undressing rooms?) are of course segregated.

A youtube-based music system will pipe our favorite videos into the sauna chamber of course, and IssyM. will be our official VeeJay. KBV Radio 69.69 on your dial will be piped into the dressing rooms.

So vote for your favorite KBV juice, and we'll sweat together a week from tomorrow! Admission is free.

P.S. For those of you uncomfortable with nudity (mine or anyone else's) loaner thongs will be made available.

Bob and Missy, I know *exactly* what you need!

I think you should come to the PV Sauna to get an early preview. A little steam, a little massage, a cold beverage of your choice. Sounds good, doesn't it? <wink>

BTW, I will be hiring massage therapists in the very near future. Required qualifications include knowing the definition of the following terms: Happy Ending, Joy Joy, Soapy, Table Shower, Tug the Beads Now and "Are you a cop?" Apply via PM.

<wink>

*** Ciego sneaks stealthily to the dock, this time without falling into the lake. Miracles do happen. He finds Bob's giant inner tube.***

Heh heh heh.... A few modifications, and this tube will rocket across the water at at least 120 mph.... This oughta give BoB and Missy the ride of their lives! Heh heh heh.

*** Attaches a large, obvious canister under the tube.8***

Yep. The old vinegar and baking soda blend...oldest trick in the book. Heh heh heh.. Well, I couldn't find any vinegar, so I used the next best thing.... Vomit Vapor's Vegan Volcano (TM). Stuff tastes like vinegar, anyway. Fingers crossed....

*** Ciego moves silently off the dock, but ends up face first in the .....

\
willow.


**

Aw, crap!

Naw Jelly Man, it's more than the knee. I just missed all y'all after awhile. As for Vinnie, he's a .....cat. Now, you want to impress me, send Vito Washington, the half Italian, half African American enforcer from Hoboken NJ. That's one bad********.

Time to vape. I love this. Like an Alzheimer's patient, every day is a surprise. I have no idea what flavor I'll be vaping until I take the first puff.

Aw, crap. It's Vomit Vapor Vegan Volcano....yuck.... Time to throw away this atty and start fresh. If I get lucky, I'll find my missing bottle of Tootsie Rolly.....

Hey dude, call me if you're bored.

If I had known that all it took to get Ciego posting again was a bum knee I would have sent Vinnie to visit him a while back.

Hey hidey hole fisherfolk... Just doing a ride by to say Hi.

So your A.N.U.S. spent the night in the garage with KY (the jelly) then huh?

It was Nancy, she would have understood.

and..........................Nancy called!



just sayin......................

*slips behind hollow oak tree to run from Missys' claws*

Yep, bonniegirl is back.....causin trouble......things are gettin back to normal.

Bonniegirl,, did you know Mini made a KBV thong for Nancy and she is going to wear it at Vapestock

ahem............now this is horrid.............NANCY?.....................IN A THONG?......................AT VAPESTOCK?
and me and my woes and the Grandson graduates from preschool on Friday!....................AND, I can not go? and poor Bee Oh Bee, oh how he would love to see nancy.................is a dang dong shame!...........it is!
Oh woe is me and woe is Bee Oh Bee and oh how happy Missy is and so therefore I am sad and Happy at the same time.
Do tell Nancy I said hello, now remember, do not say I said "Hi" cause she will say she is not on drugs and be confused. Just say Bonnie said to say Hello Nancy.
Anyone going to vapestock please remember she has PTSCD.........Post traumatic stress from Charlie disorder.

Now, about these likes................ahem..............I do like all of you and I like that you all like me............but PLEASE............PLEASE...................DO NOT LIKE THE LIKE.............ahem.................Yeah, that "LIKE" button.........I happen to dislike the like although I do like you all and that you like me and even that you really like what I post but I do not like to be liked like that. The like button can like itself right outta here for all I care and I would like that but I would not like it if everyone Liked it. Now .............cough...........ahem...............IF you do like what I post or even like me...please like it to yourself and not to the likes as I dislike the likes and the like button is not something that I do like even though I do like all of you and all of your posts and sometimes I am forced to LIKE when I dislike the likes cause everyone will feel that their posts are not likeable enough to like and I want them to feel liked. From now on I will NOT LIKE a post no matter how much I like it and I will hope that you all will respect that I do not want to be liked...........well, everyone wants to be liked but not the LIKE kind..............get it? are we clear?

ahem.................as you were

pass the popcorn please............I like popcorn but I be dang if I would LIKE it.

I have officially been liked to death and I do not like it one bit. Now that you have all had your little fun and frivolity and feel real button pushy and warm and fuzzy.................move on and push someone elses buttons.


*whoever thought this was facebook and needed a like should have their heads examined..this is an electronic cigarette forum for serious discussions about the use of, ins and outs, politics and such, we have no farmland and walls and we do not need to know wh likes and dislikes what and we never UNFRIEND another..........it is just a moral mess this liking business..........I like liver but I do not expect others to like that I like liver or even care if they like what I like cause I still like them and the liver and that is enough liking for me*



walks away shaking head side to side like Peter R. Puny

Quoting for Ciego as he seems to have amnesia from the surgery and knows nothing about Nancy, Pat Myaz, KBV radio station 69.69 on your dial or even the volleyball tournament! Maybe this wing ring a bell Ciego?


KBV radio will get back on track with programming starting this weekend and apologizes as we have been down for an upgraded tower and Peter R. Puny was too short..........

to reach the microphone.

Uh BoB,, that wasn't a sock.

And you told me the referee was named Ben Gay. Or maybe that was Been Gay.

And talk about ringing a bell... as I recall, I got my bell rung numerous times that day. And BTW, whose large, firm, succulent

bucket of chicken did I run into? It was delicious, BTW. Nothing I like better than hot breasts, thighs and legs.

anyone ready for some KBV radio programming?

Peter R. Puny is at the station awaiting the weather and fishing reporter.................wonder who it will be?

Nancy?



Bonniegirl?


Peter himself?


stay tuned to KBV radio................the sounds of the old, the new and the ODD!

waves very hard and happily to her Bullet friend!

Hey bullet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets pull us up a stump and set a spell.

Hey there Bonniegirl! I missed your face Hows about we sit a spell, get out all our goodies (watch it Ciego LOL) and have us a little vape fest of our own, we'll have our own Hidey Hole Smorgasbord. We can call ourselves vaporologists...or somethin like that LOL!

** A lone figure wrapped ina London Fog (or is it Burberry) raincoat slinks up to the back door of the radio station, a CD clutched in trembling fingers. **

They'll never know it's me. Heh heh heh. Nope. As far as this radio station is concerned, I am Mike Oxlong. I'm fixin' to take over this emitter and blow out some _real_ jams... Buddhist Yak Torture music, Gregorian Chants, Armenian Polikas....man, it'll be great....

** Pulls out a Mister Microphone from a raincoat pocket. **

"Hey Pals n' Gals, hey stags n' drags,
Sit back and relax, turn your receiver to the max
Let your butts do the parkin' while your speakers do the barkin'
I'm the man of the hour, the man with the power
From the top of the tower!
Mike Oxlong soundin' divine on six-nine six nine...
So take out your inhalers, laugh like drunken sailors, puff some vapor while I pull off this caper!
Mike Oxlong is divine...
On six-nine-six-nine!"

** Out of breath, the raincoated figure falls face first into the .....



willows.....

Ciego my man! Glad to have you back, long time no hear from! We've cleared out some rose bushes and trimmed out the path for you.....and the dock is waiting for you.....now when are you going to have our sauna done?

Good morning Hidey Holers! That is a damn good jam Ciego and medic.

KBV radio is planning on doing quite a bit of broadcasting this evening with the grand opening of the sauna. We apologize about having to cancel the gerbil races a few of them got loose and got lost in Ciego's A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) but we'll find something to fill that slot (no pun intended) so stay with the divine sixty nine sixty nine this evening for lots of fun

Morning Hidey Holers and fisherfolk and the............ahem..............ODD!

Busy day today................GS is graduating preschool............YES, cap, gown, shirt and tie and then dinner out as he "feels like eating King Crab"..............wonder where he got his champagne taste buds?

Lola will attend and is wearing a brand new dress from a very special KBVer and she will NOT look odd............she will look like the princess she is. She has learned to walk on a lead at right side, heel, sit, and has trouble (much like her Momma) with "STAY!

I hope to tune into KBV radio after the big graduation and share pictures.

Hugs to all and have a happy vaping day!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

** Powerful 811 and 420 tubes begin to glow eerily, as the ancient transmitter at KBV Radio warms to life....**

** A slightly sinister yet compellingly sexy voice comes over the airwaves....**

Hey goys and birls, this is your old buddy Mike Oxlong, along with engineer Hugh Jardon here at KBV radio. Good morning hiney....er, hidey holers! This is a pubic....er, public cervix....er, service announcement. Don't forget that today is the Grand Vapening of the Lake Fishigian Communal Vaporizer and Sauna, located on the north shore of beautiful Lake Fishigan. Doors will oepn at 4:30 this afternoon, and Mr. Ciego hopes to meet and greet many of our loyal KBV listeners. You'll know him by his very sexy black silk KBV thong and his long white stick...calm down ladies... Clothing in the sauna/vaporizer chamber is optional, but local regulations require at least a bit of clothing in the common areas. Rumor has it that local law enforcement authorities plan on sending an undercover agent in to make sure everybody is complying with local decency laws. Since the sauna will accomodate 32 sweaty, naked people, attendance is limited. Bring your favorite KBV joose to share with other honey....er, hidey holers as we inaugurate this wonderful new facility....

<off mike....> What? Uh-oh.....

Gaydees and genitals, it would appear that the FCC has caught wind of this little unauthorized emission, so this is Mike Oxlong, along with engineer Hug Jardon signing off for now....

** A crackle of static is heard before the airwaves are once again, silent....**

A thoughtful, nervous and fully-clothed Ciego unlocks the back door to the sauna and wanders inside, thinking aloud... **

Wow! Less than two hours to go until the Grand Vapening. I'd better run through the pre-juice checklist, just to make sure everything is okay....

** Looks around, so to speak, then suddenly stops in his tracks, an expression of utter shock crossing his handsome yet boyish face...**

Aw CRAP!!! Somebody has stolen the sauna heater!! It was just here a few hours ago. What the....!?

** Frantically looks around some more. **

Aw DOUBLE CRAP!! It's not #%*$#@!!%#(*! here!

** Wonders how he's going to pull off the Grand Vapening without a sauna heater...**

Aw, TRIPLE CRAP!!! They even stole my rocks!!

** Begins to plan furiously, his brows knit in deep thought. **

Well, maybe I could modify my A.N.U.S. to heat the sauna...and I'm sure I can find some rocks somewhere.... I don't know if my A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) or even my P.E.N.I.S. (Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalator System) could heat up this place enough.

** A dejected Ciego sits on one of the ultra-comfy cedar plank benches and sighs.**

Mad Doctor, I don't suppose you have a spare sauna heater lying around?

** Ciego fumes. **
** Ciego vapes.**

I know who is respponsible for stealing my sauna heater. It's those blasted women of FRIGID (Fishigan Retired Independent Gals Improving Decency). They've been complaining to the county board and anyone else who will listen. They've portrayed the new sauna as a superheated den of sin and degradation....which of course, was part of my business plan.

** Ciego mounts his ANUS in the corner where the sauna heater was supposed to be. **

Thankfully, those FRIGID women didn't get ahold of either my ANUS or PENIS.

** Begins madly wiring things up.**

** Ciego activates the A.N.U.S. and stands back, allowing itto warm the luxurious confines of the Vapo-Sauna. **

This oughta do it. <crosses fingers>

Suddenly, the A.N.U.S. begins to vibrate violently, making horrifying squealing sounds, as if a dozen hidden gerbils were being lit on fire. A flaming gerbil explodes from one end of the A.N.U.S., striking Ciego directly on his....er....thong.

AW! CRAP!!

** Ciego quickly helps Chaz, The Gape Pride Poster Gerbil to stop, drop and roll, while at the same time deactivating the A.N.U.S. A dozen angry rodents emerge from the discharge tube of the A.N.U.S., chattering in rodentian disgust. **

Whew! Saved 'em all, although Little Chaz here probably won't be running in any upcoming gerbil races.

Now I don't know what to do...Lord knows my P.E.N.I.S. (Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalator System) is too small to make much heat.

I think I'll vape some OMG and think about it...

Oh and to answer the resident U2 fan's question: OMG, the joose. Definitely. It was my first KBV joose and is still in my top 3; I think it's very representative of all the KBV juices; it's complex, pure and just plain delish.

*boB feeling the pressure of the possibility of the sauna not opening on time jumps on the pink General Huffy Lee and pedals to the Jelly Man bike shop* .......... "closed" says the crooked hanging sign in the window of the door ............ *hears a bike fire up around back and runs to catch KY* ........ "Jelly Man we need your help!" "what is it now boB you get a scratch on that new pink paint job on the pink bike?" ............... "no Jelly Man it's not quite that bad but it's bad! Someone stole the heater outta the sauna and tonight's the grand opening! Ciego tried firing up the A.N.U.S. but some gerbils nested in there" ............. "gerbils in Ciego's A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) WTF (not the joose)?" ............ "it's a long story Jelly Man and we really don't have time" ........ *Jelly Man interrupts* ............ "boB Ciego looks fine he's right over there in the .................



willows as usual" ............................................. *A flaming gerbil screams past Jelly Man's head and he awakens to the fact that this is indeed serious* "SOB! that darn thing nearly hit me in the face after flying out of Ciego's A.N.U.S.! This calls for something drastic..... something I've had in the works for a long time but haven't told anyone, it's a solar mod and I believe with a few modifications we can heat the sauna with it. You go get the store open and meet me back here in an hour, I'll need a hand finishing this up............................. operation U.R.A.U.N.S. (Ultra Radioactive Arcing Unused Neutron System) here we come!.....................

Phew! Smells like burnt gerbil up in here!

** Ciego carefully removes his damaged A.N.U.S. from the sauna, sweeps up the remnants of burned gerbil fuzz and then mops up with a strong solution of FirSol. **

Ah...that smells better. But now I am truly bummed out. I mean, many of my friends are already whooping it up at Vapestock, BoNB isn't gonna send my big order until Monday, nobody showed up for the grand opening (and hell, there's no sauna to show up to), and I have a flaming gerbil burn right on the front of my best thong. And to top it off, the underhanded tactics of F.R.I.G.I.D. (Fishigan Retired Independent Gals Improving Decency) may ensure that this place *never* opens.

** He puffs lazily at a carto full of KBV Caramel Cappuccino.**

Ah, well, at least I have my joose....

** A sultry yet vaguely sinister voice emanates on the airwaves on69.69 - KBV Radio **

Hey studs and nymphs, hey sweeties and peeties, this is yer old pal Mike Oxlong, along with crack engineer Hugh Jardon. It looks like F.R.I.G.I.D.'s attempt to undo the plans of that clumsy blind guy have come undone, at least for now. As the smell of burning gerbil fuzz mingles with the scents and aromas of the hidey hole, we wonder when and in fact if, the sauna will open.

It's a fine night at the hidey hole, as folks begin their evening consumption of tasty beverages and even tastier vapes. I myself am whiffing a bit o' the Peaches and Cream, and Hugh Jardon can't get his Volt carto to taste like anything but burnt cotton. Ah well, there has to be one in every crowd.

BonnieGirl has returned, and gone again. New folks have shown up around the campfire, the nefarious Gay...er, Game Warden has not been seen in weeks, and all is well...

Don't forget folks, if the site is closed and/or you'd like to figure out an alternate method to pay BoB and Missy for their dee-lsh jooses, you can either PM zbasspro or e-mail
orders@kickbassvapor.com

We return you now to the hijinx, shenanigans, tomfoolery and hullaballoo that is....

The Hidey Hole....already in progress. Here Hugh...try direct dripping this tasty Vomit Vapor Flatulence Fiesta juice...no, you can't have any of my good KBV stuff....

This is Mike Oxlong along with Hugh Jardon, signing off for now.....

** the signal fades into a gentle hiss before vanishing from the airwaves....**

boB???? you miss Nancy??? Umm... You MISS Nancy???

boB is now living in the new sauna I take it yissM ? He might get looking a little like a prune out there in a while but
I'm quite sure it is safer then in the house with you at this point LOL. !!

Look, I don't mind if BoB lives in the sauna awhile... I mean, it's not like we're using it yet as a *sauna*, since my sauna heater got swiped by those evil wenches of F.R.I.G.I.D. (Fishigan Retired Independent Gals Improving Decency).

I just wish he could get a handle on his flatulence problem. He's wilted all the .....

willows...

Vapestock couldn't be anywhere as groovy as Woodstock, but I do have an announcement.

The brown Vomit Vapor liquid that's been going around isn't necessarily good....

All you Vapestockers need now is a torrential rain to turn everything into a giant mud pit....

Tie-dyes, anyone?

YssiM, Do not worry. Nancy brought her new boyfriend with her last night. He works with her, he is an actor. If you ever go to Disney you can see them both....They work closely together...she says they are the most loved couple in the world. ......Did you ever expect Nancy to become Minnie Mouse and start dating Mickey......... Off to see the vendors.

Honey, they always get the good guys...ya know, the girls with big.............

ears.

*Bonniegirl peeks around the outhouse to overhear Medic, achtungbaby and a few others talking about some vapestalker. She is quite concerned that this stalker will try to steal her precious few bottles of KBV gold and is shivering with fear. They were all talking about dunking in the pool and rifles and she was afraid and anxious. This stalker is drowning folks and rifling through their things? Rifling? How is it they came away with prizes? She had never heard of a stalker GIVING things away! This was a serious problem. Clearwater?...........WTF?(Not the joose) were they talking about. Tie die? He tied them up and kilt some? Bonniegirl had been on her way to KBV radio sixty nine sixty nine to do the weather reportin now that the wind tellin finger was well but with a stalker that ties folks up and then they die and the clear waters and the Robin Hoodin of givin prizes after the killin? This was too much for her and she walked back to the cabin to get a few fingers of the Ms Walker for medicinal purposes and sort this out.

Dis cheer bees dah dangest fang what we beed fru yet. Dis cheer stalkin one bees a takin dem dare jooses and tie dem up and dey die and all an I bin ah trahin tah bees offa dat Ms Walkerin cuz dat dare precherman Hy sayed eye was a gittin uh bit too mucha dat stuff an dat dat cin make ya bees a seein fangs what ain't dare an all bet I heerd dat wid mah own ears an all an eye be danged if'n he bees a tyin me ups and den dyin me!

*Bonniegirl placed all 57 bottles of KBV joose in her bosom, took a good long swig of the Ms Walker and crawled into the bed with her trusty 12 gauge awaiting this vapestalker from that clearwater place that rifles and gives prizes*


pass the popcorn please...........Bonniegirl is one hell of a mess these days IDK(Not a joose if we will ever get a weather report now!

btw
wolfie.............no one warms the bark-o-lounger like you...................just sayin

we love our wolfatthedoor..................

** Ciego won't shoot the messenger... but he flashes her. ***

Howdja like my new thong? Note the rhinestones! Hubba hubba!

wolf.................the Novella has died, no one "gets it" anymore, they ignore it.....................Nancy the weathergirl is gone and peter R Puny is history and I think Bonniegirl drank herself to death. Now we discuss what we vape, how good it is and how many flavors we have and who has the biggest and best PV..............wanna play?
The stumps are moved around and the sauna was a bust as Ciego forgot the heater and since you were gone the thorny rose bush has run amuck.

oh, forgot, we also discuss cartos and who has the most and the best.
IDK (Not a joose who is winning cause I was absent with a critically ill friend of whom had the foresight to choose me to be his medical POA and a daughter gone wild.......................just catchin ya up a bit.....................this thread is just not that "ODD" anymore....................ahem.........................glad I still am

Ahem... the novella will *never* die.

Since you last checked in, the radio station was taken over by Mike oxlong and his able engineer, Hugh Jardon.

I didn't *forgot* the sauna heater; it was stolen by the evil wench3es of F.R.I.G.I.D. (Fishigan Retired Independent Gals Improving Decency).

Jelly Man is just too busy riding his bike, tending his garden and generally terrorizing the good folk of Brandenburg (KY, not the German Brandenburg of Bach concerto fame).

The untamed rose bush is truly run amok, but everything is still good with the .....



willows.

Never fear, there's PLENTY of oddity here.

And Bonnie, you never said if you liked my new rhinestone-encrusted thong... I am crushed.

** Ciego sniffles **

Bonniegirl is not dead....As the offical Medic of the hidey hole she can not be dead until I say she is dead. She is just sleeping off the last bender.....oh yea, I mean bottle of medicine. Don't make me start the like game again.

LOST​

10.000ml Reward
For the return of
Heater

and ciego's personal vaporizer

Whoa.... wait just a dang minute.... the Novella died? Bonniegirl... pleez say it ain't so. Why didn't someone tell me. Can it be resurrected? **lays both hands on the computer and hollers.... "rize you..... uhm..... novella.... get up and live".....(nuthin seems to be happnin..... **
I love the novella... just don't feel very creative lately.... but heck... I'm in. we gotta get it back... what'll I do without my rocky chair on the porch... n the lean-to....n the fire? I won't have a ..... uhm..... stump to stand on uhm ..... without the novella. oh whoa is me.... (ok preacherman is over the self pity) I'm ODD i tells ya... I'm as ODD as the best of'em.... uhm..... odder even.

**Getcher popcorn and hang around folks.... I don't think this one's over by a fur piece.... uhm...... just sayin'*

The preacherman has spoken! The Novella returns! Resurrected? Better than ever!

** Ciego is hopping mad.**

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. First, someone steals my sauna heater.... and now, they've really gone and done it.

Somebody swiped all of my thongs!!!

Waaaaaaaah!!

** Ciego frantically searches for his thongs, only to find an old fur-lined athletic supporter.... **

Hmmmm.... Ball to ball carpeting...but it ain't my fancy silk thong underwwear!

** Pulls on a pair of sweat pants and settles himself on a convenient stump. Quickly apologizing to the amputee in question, Ciego pulls out a folding aluminum lawn chair and settles back, puffing idly on a carto filled with Auntie M.'s Coffee from KBV.***

Ah! Rich coffee flavor without compromise. I'm likin' this! It's so pleasant and quiet here by the shores of Lake Fishigan. Nobody else is awake, and the skies are filled with a million stars. I still remember the names of some of the constellations.... There's Cardassian, the Lady with the P'donka donk.... And over to the north is the Big Stripper.... Oh, and there's the Weiner....

** Settles back and quietly falls into a semi-slumber, wondering where his thongs went, and who's got 'em. **

Ask and you shall receive ... 14 gage Blunt Tip Dispensing Needle, The Flavor Store .95 cents

Also, another MN company sells them:
Blunt Tip Needle - One Stop DIY Shop Store
14 or 16 gauge .75 cents~!

Yet another MN company .. - Blunt tip luer lock needles #0100600002 only .59 cents here!

(cleo adjusts her "borrowed" thong and sits on the empty stump next to Ciego --- should know I'm always up this time of day!)

In the beginning God created the Heaven and the earth

fast forward to Christmas 2010................KBV was born and God saw it and said it was good. Others found it and said it was good, but the ones that found it were very "ODD." The thread upon which the rock of KBV was built was firm and on solid ground and all were bored with the flavor this and the flavor that and a Buzz (NOT the PV) was needed and so the KBV Novella was born. The Novella is an ongoing story whereby each takes on a character and the story is much like a soap opera (Hence the name Novella which is the latin TV version of the same). Each poster adds to the story. Puns, pokes, jokes, jokes cloaked in truth and truth cloaked as jokes are most welcome. The humour is dry, slap stick, and plain out "ODD." Some one (a newb, I believe) came to the thread one day and said....."This thread is so ODD" and none were upset, we were proud because we like being unique, different, unusual, much like the joose we love. We like that we are different that voitvapor.com and we like that we do not like chemical tasting, poor quality ingredients with which to inhale.
The Novella takes place in a tiny fishing village we call the Hidey hole. many have called it the Hiney Hole and other assorted names in fun. The Hidey Hole is a secret fishing spot with good catches (the joose) and it sits on Lake Fishigan U. S of A. I shall try to give a brief synopsis of the characters and if I leave anyone out it is because I am old as dirt and Moses married me and my Hubby.
Jelly man- named such as his SN is chrisKY and I said (not the jelly) when talking about that slow pokin kentucky boy as early in the Novella he was the errand boy sent to pick up the libations.
He has been the gay.........ahem.........Game Warden (despite the fact that Bonniegirl told him he was wearin a boy scoutin uniform and his badge was plastic)He now runs the bike and cycle shop and has produced the infamous pink General lee Huffy which Bob rides around the Hidey hole in delivering his jooses. It has a racoon tail, a sissy bar and a card in the spokes. Jelly man assist medic in her rescues of whomever falls in the infamous thorny rose bushes or overboard off the dock.
Bullet- She is a leather wearin 4 wheel ridin ATVer that has rescued Bonniegirl several times and even broke her out of the pokey a few times. She is a no mess around kinda girl and sits at the fire keepin people in order and shootin straight from the hip.
Bee Oh Bee Bob .........of KBV fame. delivers the joose and mostly whines about the not getting any fishing time and runs the annual volleyball tournaments. he owns a PV case with a thong on it and tries to keep everyone in joose and delivers as quickly as his legs will pedal. he has been known to have been swooned over by our old weathergirl Nancy who is Blonde and after being fired due to her lack of weather knowledge (well any knowledge)she went to be with tiger blood Charlie (Yes, the Charlie Sheen)



to be continued......................now would be a good time for a word from our sponsor and a bathroom break............I gotta get the GS off to school but will continue unless someone else picks up the condensed version.....................*I pray to God*

Yeah, "Smoke on the Water" is a good one, probably better than "Smokin' in the Boys' Room" or "Smoke Gets in your Eyes." Thanks Cleo and Medic for the heads up on the needles.

Now dang it, who has my thongs!? And my gawl-dang heater?

** Ciego would stomp his foot, but his knee is still swollen to the size of a softball...***

Vaping Bogart in one carto, Auntie M.'s coffee in the other this a.m. and eagerly waiting for delivery of a big box of KBV joose! <happy>

KBV novella - cast of characters continued.

There are two wolves in wolves' clothing lurking around the campfire, although despite their lupine heritage, they are as friendly as .....cats, particularly when Missy is around.

IssyM, a.k.a. Missy a.k.a. The Mixstress - Cooks and bottles all that fine KBV juice and has an uncanny ability to pick appropriate music for the day. She complains less than BoB, although Lord knows she might have more reason to complain.

Auntie M. - When she's not making fabulous lanyard bags to hold/carry our precious vaping equipment, she runs a delightful coffee spot on the shore of Lake Fishigan.

The Preacher, Hi on Life - Commentates and advises as the story unfolds. From his creaking rocking chair on his creaky porch, Hi is the spiritual voice of Lake Fishigan.

Bonnie Girl: Perhaps one of the most colorful characters on the shores of Lake Fishigan, Bonnie is often found cuddling with Ms. Walker and dispensing wisdom from a stump by the fire. She is also a mod ho', and is our resident hardware expert.

El Ciego: Clumsy, oversexed and wearing a thong (or a bunny suit), Ciego is a local Master of Disaster. Inventor of the A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) and the P.E.N.I.S. (Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalator System - which docks nicely with the A.N.U.S.), he manages to burn down, cut up, detonate and/or destroy everything he touches. He can often be found either falling off the dock, stumbling into the wild rose bush or (best case scenario) falling face-first into the .....

willows...

** Some characters have passed through our midst and have not returned. There was this wacko sheriff Dee Lite, whom we seldom see around here anymore. Smoking Bullet, the local possum trainer and ATV expert makes only rare appearances. There are others who are at least for now, lost to the anals....er, annals of hysteria...er, history. **

** Ciego slumps onto a vacant stump...then immediately apologizes to the amputee in question and seeks another seat. He finds one in the outhouse. **

thanks thongless ciego for the help with the condensed version.................and now onto some highlights from the Novella..........ahem, a proverbial walk down memory lane..................

I will start, I remember the time that Bonniegirl was arrested for being Drunken and disorderly...........now for every story there are two sides...........
The Law- she walked into the bait/tackle/coffee and donut shop and saw jelly ma (the law at the time) and laughed aloud at him and caused a scene which caused the disorderly arrest and was found to be pickled according to the breathalyzer
Bonniegirl- she walked minding her own business into the coffee/bait/tackle/donut shop to visit her friends Mini and Missy and saw Jelly man wearing a boy scoutin uniform and said his badge was plastic and broke out into a LOL that caused her depends (undergarments) to overflow and she was wrongly accused and thrown in the pokey whereby a he/she named Pat (who was right scary) tried to ............ahem................friend her (and I ain't talkin facebookin either)

who else has a memory from the Novella

oh, another, Ciego walked off the dock................again............and was rescued by his own inflatable plaything.............a blow up doll as we had no life rings at that time. Bob built a railing to protect Ciego but Ciego used the wood for one of his newest "inventions" and fell overboard stealing the boards.

KBV Novella Trivia question- How did the joose white rabbit get it's name?

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

KBV Novella Chapter 69.69........the readers digest condensed version for those too lazy or tired to read 900 pages
And then there is aubergine usually found in one of the out houses. Along came Morfeeus who insisted I am the ONE (I am Mr. Anderson BTW). Jelly Man Says used to be heard in the early stages of KBV radio station 69.69 on your dial as a segment of comedic value such as you would catch on your radio on the way to or from work each day. Other segments came and went on the divine sixty nine sixty nine such as Doncha Just Hate Where maybe someone would chime in with "doncha just hate when you get all comfy in bed for the night and the light on your PV starts blinking". Then there came a need for technical advice so along came the segment a Mod HO Knows to help explain the ins and outs of mods and Mod HOing as well.....................................................................


*leaves to close the store from the swamping it took last night and will reopen Friday night better stocked.*

pass the tissues...............talks of aubs toes and Mommas in heaven and stumps by the fire and wascally wabbits and outhouses and well................I needs a finger or two of the Ms walker and then perhaps an episode of Mod Ho knows about the fine art of dripping would be in order.

Missy...............I wuv u the most of all of the mostest and am waiting on a telly call from hospital and will TTYL.......K?

The Novella LIVES!

Resurrected!

For all eternity and everafters....................for the ODD in us all!

Long live the ODDBALLS and thongs aplenty with and without bling.........................

btw, YES, Ciego, I commented on the thong and the bling and the visual is well......................HORRID...........simply horrid......but
I still luvs u

The need for a medic arose early on and low and behold one came along. Bonniegirl with her ways needed some intervention....... of the divine sort once in a while and so came the preacherman Hy....................

I need half the box! Bonnie, in you I have found a Mother, friend, aunt, sister (wife) LOL, confidant, My laughter, my voice. You my dear Bon are a treasure that god has given me, and all of us. But mostly mine I guess I will share, But only cause everyone needs a Bon in their life!
More!

Aw, shucks. I'm gettin' all choked up here....

** Ciego dabs at the corners of his eyes with a....hey! It's one of my thongs! **

On another topic. So last night, insomniac as has been my usual habit of late and with loud thunder rattling my house, I searched for video reviews of KBV joose, and found a bunch. Youse guys are gonna get yet another big order from the dank basement! Man, I gotta try Hummingbird Hooch, SnapCracklePopity Tweet, V-spurt and all these other new jooses. Dang! That Christopher character with the crying babies in the background has convinced me to try juices (like Hummingbird) that I probably otherwise wouldn't have tried. Missy, better put on your mixing gloves....Ciego is about to PM yet another order. LOL (not the juice).

** Ciego checks his wallet and considers the cost of buying yet more joose...**

Oh well, it's either joose or a visit with Mistress Trixie the Midget Dominatrix. Think I better go for the joose....

** Ciego packs up his bunny suit. Time to go to the cleaners. **

Ciego might be cheaper just to get some plane tickets and stay for a week and try them all


So it looks like this schedule works good on our end and I'll try to create a banner or have Caddy do one that scrolls on the site that we open on Friday late afternoon and take enough orders to take us into the Weds range and we open again on Tues evenings and take enough orders to complete the week. We are working on another mixing station but short of shutting down for a few weeks it seems this is the best way of going about it.

I hope this works for the customers as well and am always open to suggestion


A little more Novella history, KBV radio needed a DJ for one of the shifts and achtungbaby came along and volunteered to sign the National Anthem at Lake Fishigan events.

Does anyone remember the name of the hillbilly that wound up in bed with bonniegirl the night she ended up at the bar playing pool?

**Frustrated from still not receiving my new drip tip out of Hazelwood yet, I decided to stalk the mail lady today. Ducked behind the bushes, I contemplate whether or not the spider walking on my shoulder is poisonous. Crap, did she see me? No, good. Wait a second, is she about to pass up my mailbox? Run, shoulder tackle, the mail lady must be agile, cuz just before she hits the ground, she tosses a package right into the mailbox... Hey, is she wearing a thong?

Anywho...looks like I got my drip tip today, but can I use it in federal prison???***

**preacherman HyOnLyph steps out onto the porch of the lean-to that sits by the stream cascading into Lake Fishigan..... takes a long slow draw on some refreshing cantaluope. The ol' rocky chair seems to be swaying of it's own accord... energy of the resurrection of the novella moving throughout the hidey hole. Reaches over and pulls his "catch" up outa the water n realizes .... never had to throw one back... nary a single one.... not cappacino... not OMG .... n deffinitely not strawberry pie. Looking over by the fire, he sees that wonnermous bonniegirl sittin' on the step of what still looks like a shanty what swallowed the back half of a pick-em-up truck. (well we all gotta call someplace home). Takes another draw and flashes (NOT the Ciego way of flashes) .... flashes on a remeberance of Bonniegirl walkin' (spelled "s-t-u-m-b-ling) outa the thorny rose bushes wearin' leather pants, a halter top and 6" spikey boots w/ etched steel pointy toes. She's been ..... uhm ..... rescued .... uhm by a group of bikers who took pitty on her after a long night with ms walker inda red dress.... She'd given up her housecoat.... oh what a memory.... (smiles with a deep sigh of joy).....

more t' come....

Well commercial breaks are necessary to pay our sponsors The Novella must live on though and we wanted to try to bring everyone up to date. Novella Trivia question, what was is the joose guzzling car that visits occasionally? He still drives around he just meets me behind the bike shop to order ; -) Kinda feel like a pusher

General Lee

Now I know when I fly by on my pink General Huffy Lee it can be deceiving, but nope it's GTO. Imma go back and do a Jelly Man Says rerun here shortly, I miss that segment

The divine sixty nine sixty nine on your dials brings you an episode of Jelly Man Says!


*hopes they don't catch on it's a rerun*

add to the recap..... This is Bonniegirl's ....uhm...... home. (so says yssiM back in #3222..... yes I searched for it and it took wayyyy too long. )



and my lean to by the stream.

and in case yer wonderin'.... my computer station where all the work and stuff gets done. If ya strain yer eyes really hard ya kin see it in the back corner of the log lean-to w/ no door. (wolfatthedoor blew th' whole dang wall down.)

I know that one was just there for the taking Novella quiz 1st song ever played on KBV radio station 69.69? I'd have to cheat myself on that one, hmmmmmm


Great priced mods and thanks for the PP compliment

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Time for another Jelly Man says....

Brought to you by Kick Bass Vapor... The best joose at the best price PERIOD!

Hidey Ho Friends! Jelly Man here for another (much delayed) edition of "Jelly Man Says"!

Well.... its been awhile since the ol jellyroll posted his opinion, but, well... things have been busy and interesting around the Hidey Hole Cabin for me and Mrs Jelly Man. Kids, chores, jobs and motorcycles - need I say more. Plus I have been waving the flag and converting the smoking masses to the heaven that is Vape!

Any-who... On with the rant!

Jelly Man says that Reality TV sux!

Ok... here is a picture... I am setting down after a long day and want to check the weather. Flip on the TV (200 channels of NOTHING) and hunt for weather.... THE WEATHER CHANNEL!!! NOPE - show about severe weather survivors. OK... ummm... Local channels? NOPE! No weather... then I find News; well they SAID it was news. its an update on celebrity fornication or something. Geez - Arny Does California!

Whey is it that everytime I turn on the tv it is all "Reality TV"? There is NOTHING real about it... he said that she said that someone said - good lord save me from modern TV!

What ever happened to just good ol fashioned TV fun? Where is Gilligan and the Professor? Andy & Barney? The Fonz? Just entertainment... Just fun - OR NEWS! that used to be the only choices (OK, and game shows but I blame THEM for reality TV).

I want The Adam's Family back... or Car 59... Even Kojack SOMETHING that is not about the Jersey Shore or Donald Trumps latest knee-jockey. WHERE IS LUCY?

Screw it! I need a drink and thank the lord I have the WHOLE MASH dvd set....

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Once again, a pair of nefarious characters, clad in trenchcoats sneak into the studios of KBV Radio - The Divine 69 point 69.***

Hello burls and goys, this is your ol' buddy Mike Oxlong, along with guest engineer Hugh Jardon... Tonight we'd like to present a new feature, called,

"What's Wrong with that Joose?"

Tonight, we're taking a close look at a new line of jooses from Vomit Vapor Dot Commies, called their "American Nausea Line." According to Eaton Foulpoon, owner and vaporator of Vomit Vapor, these jooses feature a base made with petroleum jelly, instead of PG, VG or PEG.

At $18.00 for 7 milliliters, they're hardly a bargain. But we're not here to talk about prices, we're here to bash their dispicable joose.

Here's a flavor. "Up your Chuck." The description says it is supposed to taste like kimchi, that famous Korean cabbage dish. To me it tastes more like....smegma? Can we use that word on the air?

** Hugh Jardon chuckles appreciatively. **

Okay, here's one called, "Bad Bean Bake." This one is supposed to taste like old fashioned baked beans after they've been recycled through the digestive system. I dunno about you, kiddies, but this one sounds pretty vile.

And finally, here's the flag.... of the Vomit Vapor line, "Vulgar Vegan Volcano." Dirty gas station men's room and/or Waffle House comes to mind on this one...

Well, speaking just for me, I am very very happy that there's a quality alternative to all the garbage currently bering promoted on the Internet by juice vendors who obviously go through life clueless, but hoping to cash in on the popularity of vaping. Although the name of their business is simply one of the dumbest I've ever heard, you gotta love the quality, taste and customer service offered by Kick Bass Vapor. Hell, who want's to punt a fish? I think PETA should get involved. Kick my bass, willya?.

** Hugh Jardon triggers sound effect of a flounder being place-kicked. ***

Until next time, when we can again sneak into the station, this is your old pal Mike Oxlong reminding you that a KBVaper is a happy vaper.

Now, we return you to this thread, which is already in progress....

*** The air fills briefly with warm static and the big transmitters powers down.

KBV will hold a benefit auction to acquire a new new sauna heater in hopes of a grand opening 4th of July weekend along with the Lake Fishgan 1st annual VG wresting tournament. Donations of empty KBV bottles will be accepted and expected to bring a nice price from the recycle center. Prizes are yet to be determined but Andy Closehoff and Wendy Doer are working on it.

We'll just bill ya for the new sauna heater

Hey FV, glad you made it back safe. Yes the Thonged ranger is back, he's taken a segment on KBV radio 69.69 now he's got songs stuck in our head. It's a record though I think it's been 2 or 3 days since he's fallen in the lake or the ...........




willows and had to be rescued by medic


Ciego that was me with the train wreck, reading your post about songs that stick in your head I knew I should have stopped but had to read which ones they were and now have one stuck, remember payback is ......... well payback

** The ancient 420 and 811 tubes in the old transmitter warm to life as a shadowy figure again keys the microphone...**

Hey pals n' gals, this is your ol' buddy Mike along with engineer Mr. Jardon, live and kicking bass here at the Divine 69, KBV Radio.

Today's topic: Songs that stick in your head, and bad jooses that stick in your craw and/or atomizer. Nothing makes a bad vape worse than listening to some horrific pop concoction that sticks in your head.

I'm not gonna name names here, but you gotta know that not all jooses are as good, pure, tasty and lovingly-made as KBV joose. In fact, there are vendors right here on ECF who use substandard nicotine and veterinary-grade PG, so caveat emptor and caveat sphinctor, if you get my drift.

Okay, back to the songs that stick in your head. Ready for a little self-torture? Google Rebecca Black "It's Friday" and listen. This inane, lousy song went so viral that the 14 year-old Ms. Black at one point was earning $35,000.00 per week from shared advertising revenues on youtube. Or so the story goes.

I'm gonna throw down the gauntlet here. ANybody other than Missy, who has superhuman abilities, who can make a song stick in my head wins a bottle of the KBV joose of his/her choice. I make the final decision, and there can be only one Weiner....er, winner.

And speaking of Weiners, goodbye Anthony. I don't personally think he should of resigned, but that's just me. I appreciate smut.

Now, we'll relinquish these airwaves in the interest of promoting truly intelligent conversation. BTW, our prayers go out to all the firefighters in Arizona, New Mexico and Florida, and the various support folks, the medics, the cops, the drivers, the pilots. God be with all of you as you battle these fires.

** The transmitter quietly hisses into silence as the old 811 and 420 tubes cool. As the airwaves quiet, you can almost hear the universe sigh. **

@ Aubergine/Ms. Eggplant:

I actually performed in a brothel

Me too, sorta, but we ain't goin' there. Eggplant is a Stately Old Lady and her colorful past, which incidentally also included some little brief hallo with Santana (see Pacific High School, La Honda, The Land, Black S... Puppy Farm, somewhere's near 1968) but nothing so completely cool as recently playin' with former members in Cent. A, musically or otherwise - her colorful past is awanderin forever far away in the sky with diamonds and gonna stay there whilst she arrange her dreadful pantyhosen.

Now I gotta get back to work, fast, but ooh keep the eclectica pretties comin', I loves this place...

Ya'll are a bit ODDer than usual this mornin'. I feel more comforted when weez all a bit odd... er..... odd... est..... er.....
I sure agree that yssiM has a knack fer pickin' unique (not eunuch) and memorable (did someone say "obsure"?) vids off'n youtooby. Did I hear sumpin' bout red curtains by th' hidey hole? Well I guess we could use a little dressin' up round here but careful bonnie doesn't grab 'em n make a housecoat outa them. She be lookin' like th' ole ms walker in the red dress she be totin' round.
n don't putem up in front of the fire..... that ol' KYGeneman 'll think its a drive in movie.... just sayin'

It's a beeyoootiful day in th' hidey hole. n I heard a vapin' store brick-n-morter type opened up right down the road a piece from me. Gonna haveta stop inta eCigCity in Laguna Beach.

Chelle..... sure nice t' see ya.

*** Ciego drags a huge bundle into the sauna building, then returns and grabs another load....***

Okay, if those evil women of FRIGID (Fishigan Retired Independent Gals Improving Decency) don't like my sauna, wait until they get a load of this!

*** Hangs mirror ball above where sauna heater should be, then begins to erect sturdy brass dancin' pole.**

Yep. "Blind Man's Boff," Lake Fishigan's very first strip club is about to be...er, unveiled.

** He chuckles at the bad joke and begins to turn the sauna benches into a stage platform.**

Sniffers' Row! Or perhaps more correctly, Vaper's Row!

Man I'll make a mint with this. We already got a lot of fine prospects for deejays...and Lard knows that it ain't tough to hire dancers in this economy. Hell, I'll bet half the graduating class from Lake Fishigan High will want to audition...

**Emits an evil chuckle.**

Yep, nobody knows how to turn a trick...er, make a biuck like ol' Ciego!

** Begins assembling deejay booth...**

** A lonely shed begins to glow with an eerie light, as antiquated tubes in an ancient transmitter warm to life, and the air crackles with an ethereal static and hiss....**

Hey Dudes and Dude-ettes, it's your ol' buddy Mike Oxlong, along with substitute engineer Helena Handbasket, bringing you the nooz from the shores of Lake Fishigan, here on the Divine 69.69, KBV Radio.

A successful contest was promoted today by Godzilla, founder and father of foxyboxmods.com - Home , maker of extraordinary 3.7 and 5 volt box mods. The contest was to guess the number of Lincoln Logs in a tub...567 was the winning count, and the winning counter was Tierratis. BTW, Happy Birthday Tierra...and what a great gift, especially since it includes a little ol' bottle of KBV juice!

Madman Ciego has been seen wandering around, trying to convert the failed sauna into some sort of adult entertainment venue. No word yet on a grand opening, although Ciego is expected to begin hiring boobie girls...er, dancers in the very near future. His "Stick a Song in My head" inpromptu contest last night was a big hit around the Hidey Hole, and certain songs, including "the Song that Never Ends" and Rick Astley's frothy little pop concoction, "Never Gonna Give you Up" are driving him nearly insane. By the way, Ciego reports no progress has been made in tracking down his missing sauna heater and his missing silk unmentionables... the Thongs of Destiny.

** Engineer Helena Handbasket is suddenly overcome with impatience and stabs a long, elegant finger at the master power switch... A hiss of ethereal static fills the airwaves as the big transmitter once again falls silent.**

No "sales," but if you look at the regular prices and low shipping costs, you'll see that KBV's prices are already very reasonable...far less than the industry-standard $1.00/ml.

Welcome to the Hidey Hole here on the shores of Lake Fishigan, U.S.A. Enjoy the oddity and the hand-crafted KBV e-liquid.

** Ciego takes a small bow and wanders toward the lake...then trips and falls into the wild rose bush...**

Aw, crap. Anybody got an adhesive plaster?

**preacherman HyOnLyph peeks outa the lean2, ears perked an' eyes searchin' everywhichaway** "Novella??? Did I hear boB mention the novella?? What mischief has beset us?? The fire needs another log no matter how hot it is 'round these parts" *Hy reaches down for a gooden n steps across the two fallen trees layin sidebyside, he uses as a bridge across the stream. Tosses a log on the fire. As the log hits and a mixture of ash, smoke ..... oops... just vapor... (no ash or smoke in these parts) .... and diein' embers flies up ... sumpin' stirs in the bushes... the throny ol' rosey bushes.....*

"whodat?" "Whodat I say??!! lying in da bushes?"

**Suddenly a passel o'possum comes scurryin' out in a row... one after tuther... cross th' hidey hole, round the fire... n off down t'ord the dock..... searchin' for .... well fer whatever.... They is the posse o'possum hired by Ciego.... duely depatized .... t' search out n seezure... um ... uh.... sees yer .... um .... seizure.... (sigh)... see if'n someone's stealin' his stuff. Looks like now he's got'em on th' hunt fer that heater stole by ... well .... whomever it was stole by....**

* Hy looks around as stillness engulfs the hidey hole again... looks like everyone's on th' lake ...(waiting by their 'puter) fer KBV JOOSE Fishin' season t' open back up agin......cast a line .... catch some JOOSE .... woo hoo...... best there is...**

*walks off wonderin' t'hissef if boB ever issued th' fishin' licenses he was plannin' on. *

** Ciego peers out of the untamed rose bush....**

Hey! I haven't seen the Preacher around here in awhile... (okay, who am I kidding? I haven't _seen_ anybody around here, ever. I smelled the jelly Man once, and Bonnie's breath after a night of...er, medicating with the Ms. Walker....)

** Ciego catches the smell of possum on the move...and if you've never smelled possum on the move, you've missed out.**

Sure hope them possums find my stupid sauna heater! The Fishigan County Board refused to approve my strip club....er, adult entertainment venue. Now I'm stuck with a building made with a lot of expensive redwood and cedar planking, and no sauna heater!

** Ciego extricates himself from the somewhat smelly rose bush, intending to walk toward the fire to sit awhile, only to go face-first into the .....




willows.....**

Aw, crap!

**medic comes walking up the pebble path after a long day working the lifeguard stand...it's hard work sitting in the sun making sure no one drowns...when she finds Ciego tangled up in the .....


willows**
Come on Ciego, I will help you back to the fire. I heard what the Fishigan County Board said about your Adult enternaiment venue. do you think they might let you turn it into a disco????? With all of the good music lately, a place to dance would be nice...Just a thought.....

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

KBV Novella Chapter 69 Verse 69 an awkward position ..............................

Ciego is found lying in. *As boB pedals the Pink General Huffy Lee down the trail past the Jelly Man bike shop he sees the "on vacation" sign hanging in the window on the door* "WTF (not the joose) will I do if something goes wrong with the bike this week" he says to himself ........ "SmokingBullet has been on vacation too evidently, either that or she's making beautiful jewelry but either way I got no back up plan for delivering packages if something goes wrong" ...............

*as he approaches the fire on top of the hill at Lake Fishigan he begins to hear the divine sixty nine sixty nine in the background "man I hope Mike Oxlong isn't poking at things up again, I may have to hangthedude if so!" *He sees Tropicanagirl working on her tan and Dalton catching a glance at an .......teriod!* (don't laugh guys Y'all have done it, women too for that matter) "That was morbid! It must be 4:20 somewhere, time to watch the joint!" * sees medic rescuing Ciego from yet another awkward position in the ........



willows while Aubs peeks out the moon in the outhouse* "we may have to take cover in the secret Hidey Hole!"................................................................

** The ancient transmitter warms to life and static crackles through the air... The Divine 69.69 is on the air! **

Hey buds, duds, studs and puds, this is your man of the hour from the top of the tower, Doctor Mike Oxlong, along with guest engineer Dillard Dough....How's it going tonight, Dill?

** Dill Dough chuckles and takes a long pull of delicious vapor from an odd-looking PV mod.**

Fine, Mike. Tonight's Flavor is Troll Bridge Cookie, and it's damn fine stuff. So, do you like my new PV? It's called the V.I.B.E. (Variable Inhalator Boiling Engine). It was built for me by a large Chinese man with red hair....

** Oxlong stares dumbfoundedly, mostly because he couldn't come up with a better acronym for Dill's "V.I.B.E." **

Well Dill, lots of great tunes being put up by folks around the Hidey Hole. We've got everything from Bach to rock, although I am getting a wee bit tired of a couple of the young guys suggesting that certain songs aren't "appropriate for the older set." What the hell do these young punks think we were listening to back in the 60's and 70
s...Lawrence Welk? Or perhaps Les Brown and His Band of Renown?" Naw man, we were listening to bands like The Electric Prunes, Captain Beefheart, the HooDoo Meat Bucket, the Rhythm Methodists and the Soiled Thongs...

** To prove his point, Oxlong cues up a record by the Strawberry Alarm Clock.**



Before we continue with the tune-age, let's look at the news.

Jelly Man is on vacation, but is a bit depressed, as the weather forecast for Brandenburg calls for rain, rain and more rain. Rain it seems, is what the Florida folks could use, as Medic123 continues to try and mend the singed firefighters in that beleagured state.

Around the campfire, Aubergine (also known as Miss Eggplant), Achtung!Baby and others continue to mystify everyone with the depth of their musical knowledge and the depths of their insanity.

On the entertainment beat, the Fishigan County Board of Supervisors has denied Ciego a license to open a tiddy bar...er, adult entertainment venue, claiming it would lower the moral standing of the good folks of Fishigan County. Ciego state in an interview that he is not considering an appeal. "First of all," stated Ciego "I am not appealing. In any sense of the word. In fact, most women find me quite unappealing." He continued to state that his heart was not in the fight. "Strip clubs, as you might imagine are useless to blind folks..." There is speculation that the sauna building will either be fitted with a new sauna heater, or will be converted to a non-alcoholic dance venue, where 12-steppers can step to the hottest tunes...

Well, I think it's time for a classic hit from WhamNBam Billy and the Boneheads...right here on KBV Radio, the Divine 69.69!

** Before the music can be heard, a warm hiss of static fills the air, and the old transmitter cools to silence...**

**Hy (aka da preacherman) steps off the porch, crosses the creek and looks out, t'ord the fire.** Thinks ta hisseff, "What the heck is our wonderful medic doing wrestling ol' Ciego. That boy can't keep it .... well..... clean... if he tried. Always face down in sumpin'. But he looks t'be none the worse for wear... speakin' a wear..... sure glad he's got sumpin' on besides that KBV thong. Ahem..... just sayin'."

"Hey boB, Good to see ya. That Huffy's lookin' mighty tired. Needs some fresh vapor in them tires perhaps. See if Ciego will russel somthin' up for ya to inflate 'em.... ease the trail round the Hidey Hole... sooth yer.... um.... behinder. "

*Hy gets to the fire n pulls up a stump. Puts his feet up on a rock. Takes a long slow draw on some OMG (yep the Joose) and listens to the beeyooteeful music of Aubergine. Hmmm. watchin' the sun go down.... the fires nice.... medic is tryin' t' give Ciego artyfishul ressussitayshum... n he looks like he's fighten 'er every step o the way. It don't get any better 'n this.*

*boB always happy to see tat chair preacherman pulls up a stump and asks if bonbon been around confessing to usin Ms Walker again?* Rumor has it she done went and fell and hurt her arm

Ode to the Hidey Hole
My husband has finally gone to work
My children have finished their play
they've gone to bed their stories read
Now it's my time of day.

I've had one of those days
you know what I mean
so I sit back and relax
and turn on my screen.

I'll talk to all my friends
who know just what to say
to make my stresses go
and my troubles fade away.

My friends you're always there for me
whenever I feel blue
and though we've never met before
I know our friendships true.

And although we haven't been friends for long
in this short time it seems
we shared so many things already
our hopes, our fears, our dreams.

We come from different walks of life
but we share a common bond
and it's time to say that of all of you
I've grown so very fond.

So thank you friends for being there
whenever I've needed you
I know you're always there for me
and you know I'm there for you.

I really think this describes the group that have gathered here.

*looks a bit startled and lets out a meep! as she almost drops the penjamajig for her portable digital drawing doodad aparati, but quickly recovers it*

Oh, off and aboot, gettin' ta know this here spot n investimigate. I had a strange dream about a reel meanz N ugly fish not too long ago and have been tryin' to doodle it out. Not quite dun wit it yet, but boy was it a scary 'un.

This here candy bar seems to be givin more of dem dreams and silly thoughts. I need mah pookie bear to sleeps now.

*nuzzles a bit under her blankey pack and takes out a plush sqeekie bear that is now sporting the thong she had found earlier*

Me likey this new lady wolf... Bestkeep watch fer dat fella wolf, he may take a likin t'ya too
*****scrathes b'hind da ears***** Imma make you a nice quilt to fluff up, t'set beside the barkOlounger. Cuz Wolfie keeps that cozy fer me when I beez busy an all

*leans heavily into being scratched and swishes her tail slow but low*

I undastand aboot the barkOlounger. He made mention of it and how it be his. It's only right anyhow as there are unspoken things ta bein' a wolf. It comes down ta respect in da end and I wouldn't want ta upset him none.

*squeezes the bear in her muzzle her ears reacting to each sound it makes then starts to toss it up and catch it, fumbling it a bit here and there making the sound of a nose chuff*

Cleo....LOL

What color thong would you prefer? I have them in red, black, silver and navy....all Mansilk brand, 'cause I love the tender softness and raw sensuality of silk. LOL

Nice offer BTW. I cannot at this time initiate PMs, I can only reply to them (same problem your S.O. tried to help me with...)

P.

No purple thongs? OMG (not the joose) we will have to fix this immediately!!! Ok, I'll PM you

I thought the geeks were there to help you fix the problem .. they didn't get it fixed???

BTW, nothin' in this whole, wide world is scarier than an overweight 53 year-old blind dude in a thong. Nothin'. I mean, nothin'.

I could be a new diet aid...or perhaps cause of an eating disorder? At the very least, gut-wracking nausea.

Unless of course, I've recently waxed. LOL

The thong is like the Novella........... well it is part of the Novella and will live forever! I like the "A-peel" part that has the makings of a name. I'll leave that up to you guys ;-)

I didn't tell everyone I have a pic of you, shall I start the bidding now? He exaggerates he's not 45lbs overweight ...................................... more like 90! Nah Paul's a good looking guy just don't tell him cause he doesn't know it

Yawn. Good day, Hidey Holers!

This happens to me far too often with KBV joose.

I get a flavor, try it, think I don't like it, shelve it, then come back to it awhile later and vape it again....

And love it. Crazy.

Case in point: I thought I'd dislike the Cinnamint. I was warned that it will permanently cinnamon-ize any carto or atty it touches. a.) Who cares? Atty and cartos aren't that expensive and b.) It's so-o-o-o good!

I liked it a lot at 3.7 volts, but when I took Levitas' advice and upped the voltage...ZOWIE! It's sweeter, the cinnamon really pops and the menthol becomes a sensation rather than a flavor.

Another case in point. I wasn't thrilled with the Crisp Cola. Oh, I liked it well enough, but didn't find it to be particularly outstanding. Went back to it this morning and....DOUBLE ZOWIE! It's awesome.

Enough fan-boy ranting.

For the record BoB, I tip the scales at 235, which is about 55 pounds overweight, according to my physician.

Speaking of physicians, I really like demonstrating my e-cig to doctors who are so far, ignorant of vaping. I blew my orthopedist's mind last week. I was puffing in the exam room, waiting for him. He strolls in, sees the vapor and does a double take, because the aroma was Tootsie Rolly, not stinky tobacco smoke. "What the hell is _that_?" he asked. I explained, including describing the composition of the e-liquid. He doesn't smoke, but has family members who do. He's decided to, with my help select starter kits for his folks. He's thrilled about the e-cig, even though I warned him that the Pure Dude and Fugg Admenstruation doesn't recognize e-cigs as smoking cessation devices.

Goes to show you: The more and better we preach the vaping Gospel, especially to medical professionals, the better our standing will be in the rabid, anti-smoking community and the general public.

I vape discreetly, but I vape virtually everywhere. I was just out with Mrs. Ciego, looking at carpet for my basement remodel. I was puffing the Caramel Cappuccino as I discussed prices with the saleswoman. She also did a double take, then realized she was smelling delicious coffee and caramel flavors. No problem vaping, even though I was in the midst of several thousand dollars worth of carpeting. Try smoking in that environment; you'd probably get arrested.

Oh, and before I forget... thanks for all the great tunes this morning. Clay, sorry you're a sad panda...what a waste!

And finally....

My Bonnie lies over the ocean
My Bonnie lies over the sea
My Bonnie lies over the ocean...
So bring back my Bonnie to me...

<everybody sing!>

Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me...
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me.....

Sigh.

** Ciego skulks quietly toward the campfire, noticing that there are very few hidey holers about...**

golly Martha! It's as dead as McKinley's funeral around here. Just some babbling about sharpei pups and NetFlix (a.k.a. Rent Rip and Return)).

Three vapes today: Bogart (love it), Cinnamint (really love it) and Caramel Capp (addicted).

** Puts a damp log on the fire, and is momentarily dismayed at the thick smoke and hiss, as the fire valiantly tries to ignite Ciego's wet log....don't go there, guys. The joke is too obvious...**

Oh, and regarding tiny PV's. It ain't the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean. LOL

World's tiniest PV might be the E8 from ecig.com . It's a miniaturized version of the KR808D-2 (e9), and is only available in auto styles. It's the size of your standard lollipop stick.

Lollipop Stick... oddly and coincidentally enough, one of my nicknames in high school.....

<wink>

V comes in and quietly pulls up a stump, she heard a rumor that it might be an interesting night at the hidey hole. And something about boB and pickets?

I still have one bottle of Special K, so I think I will have a stump sitting vigil for our bonniegirl, and the novella.

*boB pedaling down Trail 69 at the Hidey Hole notices something ODD* "Wow that place looks lit up tonight I wonder if if that's Ciego's A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use) System) being lit up?" asks himself .............. the closer he gets figures it's just a fire despite the rain and then starts seeing the candles and wonders "WTF" (not the joose) .......... *then sees a blue spotlight from a camp off in the distance* ............... "Oh that's Steve with the bright ... blue mod camping with the kids but what's with the candle lit trail 69?" *Sees Dalton over in the ........


willows.... French....

Inhaling with a girl* "OMG I hope nothing happened to bonniegirl!" ............. *pedals so fast the chain pops off the pink General Huffy Lee and narrowly escapes a brush with the ungodly rose bush* .............. *runs up to the campfire and asks WT..........H?!?!" *Preacherman Hy greets him and says "boB we're concerned, we're offering up some positive energy to bring back bonniegirl to the Hidey Hole safe and sound and if the good Lord sees fit possibly sober but we're not holding our vapor on the last part"

*Hears some humming from the tower and figures Mike Oxlong is going to put out an A.P.B ( A.N.U.S., P.E.N.I.S, Blast)......... "yeah we tried music, poems.............. we've tried it all, a candle vigil may just work what have we got to lose?" *about that time boB realizes the humming is not the tower but it's Ciego's A.N.U.S. (not flatulence) so he grabs a big ole tootsie roll ............................

bottle and jams it in Ciego's A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) figuring if anything will bring back bonniegirl it'll by be the sight of Toostie in Ciego's A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System).....................................

*hope I didn't summon sometin else?*

**Ciego pulls out a big, round

candle from his pack and ignites the wick....

Aw CRAP!!! It's a Roman Candle!!!!!

**Ciego's flaming balls begin to rocket from the end of the tube**

** One of the flaming balls whizzes directly into the former sauna building. There is a sudden flash of light...

A screaming gerbil scampers rapidly, looking for a place to hide The only place the poor li'l rodent can find to hide is deep inside Ceigo's A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine NUse System). Soon the li'l fella is bathed in warm Tootsie vapor...**

Man, that was close. Nearly burned down the damn sauna.... But wait! What's that smell? Smells like burning....hair.....OW!!!

** Ciego furiously slaps his head....**

Oh well...needed a hair cut anyway. Hey, I'll bet this looks kinda...punk-like....!

** Ciego searches in his pack, finding some burn ointment....

Wow!, my head hasn't hurt this bad since I clicked on that Lady Gag Ya video....

*V flies over to help poor Ciego put ointment on his burns, where is a medic when you need one?*

*bonniegirl stumbles past the thorny rose bushes and past the ..... willows and falls against the outhouse in order to assist in the standing ..........the sea legs were becoming a constant problem as well as the seasickness which was quite "ODD" as she had not been in a boat unless swimmin with the Ms Walker accounted as such. The mole with the wire on her face was curling from the humidity arising from the lake in beautious Fishigan U.S of A and was making an eery scary movie fog over the horizon or perhaps the eyesight was diminished from lack of proper sleep. Bar stool resting with the head on the padded ledge never amounted to much rest when the crack of the "break" of the pool balls and the whiney voices of old country and western tunes on the old juke box became "interuptis sleepitus." The one thing sure about that sleep was lack of fear of bedbugs although crab lice were rampant in the heads of the local joint. Bonniegirl felt some Dorothy from Oz feelings in her heart and smelled the now almost gone campfire and stale vapor lingering. The place was an empty vaccum...(or was that her brain?) and all was still and quiet except for the buzzing of a saw which she supposed was that dang Ciego making another contraption. Bonniegirl bounced from tree to tree and "cruised" herself to the landing of her cabin on wheels and found the door knob. She stepped perhaps a bit high and fell face down in the door jamb and since it was, after all, home, she stayed there to begin her rest, in her home, in her hidey hole, in her Fishigan. No truer words were ever spoke than "There is no place like home."

Bonnie's back! All is right in the Hidey Hole again. Well, has anything about the Hidey Hole ever really been "right"?

* Preacherman HyOnLyph steps up from work and peers out the opening in the front of the lean-2. Shields his eyes from the beautiful sunlight and strains t'ord bonniegirl's cabin-on-wheels. An ODD sight. A pair of legs apparently "face down" poking outa the door jam.... somewhat akin to those of the wicked witch of the north after Dorothy's house landed on her.... uhmm... just sayin'.... He says outloud to noone in particular .... "It's good t'see ol' Bonniegirl. Even in .... uhm..... that .... uhm.....condition. (afterall, it's not like it aint happened b'for.) We luvs our Bonnie and always like to see her home safe and sound.... er..... at least .... well.....safe.... uhm.... at the Hidey Hole in Fishigan, US of A."

Da preacher grabs a throw off the back of the rockychair n tiptoes over to Bonnies .... uhm.... cabin..... gently lays the blanket over her legs n backside t' allow her some ......uuuuhhh .... modesty. He heads back over t' the lean2, n takes a moment t' pull up the rockychair, have a seat n' take a long slow draw on some pineapple shake ..... * "I'll just sit here a minute and let Bonnie sleep. It's a good day at the Hidey Hole. Bonniegirl's home, God is in our midst and all's right with the world."

*** working in the back of the Fishigan Bike & ATV Shop, Jelly Man hears a mumbling, grumbling, stumbling coming from the outhouse region, just out the side door. The familiar timber of the grunts & groans rings the bell of memory, taking him back to better times of fog, Mrs Walker, and Hidey Hole merriment.

"I know that voice..."

Dropping the tools in his hand Jelly Man runs to the door and peers out just as the grimy house dress & curler bedecked figure stumbles down the trail toward the Ol Hollow Stump...

"Could it be? Could the boozed up Belle of Fishigan U, S, of A have wobbled her way home after the longest bar crawl in history? Has the Mistress of Mod - Queen of Hos returned to her vapor shrouded subjects? Will the Wisdom of Da Joose flow once again from the fount that is Bonnie?

Only time will tell... Watching the shadowed figure crawl the last few feet into the stump and slump into a much needed rest from her trials & tribulations Jelly Man turns with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye...

"Things are about ta get interesting around here again.... C-I-E-G-O!!! Get those plans for the Big One out - we need to get to work!"

*Bonniegirl lay in slumber with a one ear perched type of rest as she is fearful of the long arm of the law, big Pat and other harmful characters. It was obvious from the light and kind steps that the preacherman Hy was approaching and she promptly played possum to prevent any "preacherman kinda wordins." Twas really that "Betty Furd clinic* she feared. It was hard for her to have faith in anyone that did not understand that their was no dance called the 12 step. Everyone knew the dance was called the 2 step and she was not about to waste another three days explaining that to them again. They kept talkin and talkin about that river de nile and she knew it was going to be a useless waste of time to tell them she was not from a river she was from LAKE FISHIGAN! They insisted she was in the river de nile until they broke her and made her admit she was powerless to makin them understand and then they let her go with a list of meetings to go to. Man, those meetings were a big mess. "Huggin, prayin and flower chilin all over the place and all talkin about nuttin changin then nuttin changes". An Idjit could know that. Preacherman Hy covered her with the softest blanket she ever felt and slumbered abducted her like an alien and she fell into the depths of hard sleep. No Betty clinics or meetings for her. She knew what she needed..............a good rest and some good Fiddle paddle joose for the nerves.*

** As always, when radio talent is required, Ciego.....er, Mike Oxlong...steps up to the plate, er...microphone...**

Good morning dudes and dude-ettes, and isn't it a fantastic day here at the Hidey Hole! The latest fishing report says that fisher-folk are reeling in creels full of great KBV joose...and why not? Great juice, great service, great prices.

Today we're going to interview an actual bottle of KBV juice...

M.O.: "Well juice, how do you feel this fine afternoon?"

KBVJ: "Well Mike, to tell you the truth, I'm feeling very loved and appreciated, but at this point also kind of empty..."

M.O.: "Why empty, Juice...?"

KBVJ: "Well, I mean empty. Like I'm down to my last drop, y'know?"

M.O.: "I know what you mean, Juice. I felt that way once, after a week in a bordello in San Anselmo...but that's a story for another time..."

KBVJ: <laughs good naturedly> "Oxlong, you're a card...and that card would be a Joker...."

M.O.: "Well Juice, thanks for stopping by KBV Radio. I'm suure it's hard to handle all this newly-found fame."

KBVJ: "It's a cross I gladly bear."

M.O.: "Well Juice, as a little parting gift, here's a special surprise for you. It's one of Ciego's thongs...

** Juice bottle rolls screaming from studio....**

Well kiddies, there you have it. Another riveting...or at least stapling...moment from The Divine 69.69, KBV Radio.

** The hiss of static fills the air as the ancient transmitter cools to dormancy once more.**

*boB at the office catches wind (not from Ciego's A.N.U.S.) about the return of bonniegirl*

"Jellyman! We need to get you some help around these parts with all the new vehicles and maintenance equipment" .............. "boB I could sure use some help but IDK if anyone else would want to assist in such projects as I take on around here............ I mean who else would spend all day buried in an A.N.U.S. trying to adjust the flow valve, bleeding the air out of it, those things, the darn job flat stinks boB!!!"

............................ "Jelly Man I think I got a guy who would be thrilled to do that and let you get back to the more important things here like touching up the paint on the Pink General Huffy Lee and changing out the plugs in the Pink John Deere tractor" ...................... "Hmmmmm that doesn't sound bad..... in fact I would mind not being A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) deep in work constantly" ..................................


*is a new character entering the Novella?*

***boB walks from the Fishigan Bike & ATV Shop to round up the promised help... "Hope this new person is good with their hand if they are gonna be fondling Ciego's A.N.U.S.! He does have standards - even if they are low."

The voice of that Longfellow: Oxlong comes over the radio as he gets short with a bottle of joose - he's flinging thongs and flapping his gum... Nothing new.

With Bonnie back, we need to plan a good Ol fashioned blowout, Fishigan style to welcome the old girl home and to introduce some of these new fisherfolk to the way we do things around here... Wonder if Mini & yssiM can help with the decorations and cooking at the coffee, tackle, & vape shop?

Get Lil Mikey Longox to DJ and Wolfatthedoor & the Opossum Posse to provide a Howling good time. Preacher man HyOnLyph can give us some spiritual guidance while we share some spirits (Mrs Walker that is) and maybe Dlite can give boat rides around the lake...

This could be the blowout of the Hidey Hole Summer! I'll go call up the boys & girls at the biker bar and see if they want to join the fun and have the First Anual BassKicking Bike Rally while we are at it. Can't wait to see boB & yssiM in the bra and panty races!

Gonna be a wild time I think... Now where is boB and my new helper?***

WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... Bonnie's back... Missed ya love! And the novella! As long as that Nancy Dimwit don't show up, all will be hunky dory!
<3 & ((())))

** Ciego searches in vain for Bonnie's original post, only to find the post quoted.**

I like to like Bonnie's posts, even if she doesn't like the likes of me to like them.

** Ciego grabs an old Weber kettle, a Farberware rotisserie, a pile of porous rocks, an old water cooler and a heavy-duty electical cable. **

Well, since I can't find the sauna heater stolen by the women of F.R.I.G.I.D. (Fishigan Retired Independent Gals Improving Decency), and since the Fishigan County Board won't approve the tiddy bar....er, adult entertainment venue, I guess I'll have to build my own sauna heater. Can't let this beautiful building go to waste...

** Ciego takes out his Flame-O-Matic Welding torch, only to discover that the flame jet has been replaced with a dual coil cartomizer...**

Aw, crap....

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

KBV Novella 69 Chapter 69 the verse of the Bouncer.................

*as bonniegirl begins to awaken from her stupor she begins mumbling ......... "swayze ......... swayze ....." ..."Bonnie" says boB "are you talking about the ........



willow swaying in the wind?" ........ "what des yas tink I'z stupid, no that swayze guy is coming for me you's be noin the one from da movie" ......... "bonniegirl I have no Idea what you're talkin about but stay here Imma go get Bullet to clean you up and take care of you" ............. "now boB you's bestest bes listenin to's me ........... tat chair bar I'z ben hangin round.... I'z done made the bouncer purdy mad" ....... "okay bonnie but what does that have to do with Sam Elliot and Road House" ......... "doncha bes puttin werds in my'z muof or any vommitvapor eiffer......... I'z said Swayze....... Swayze" "yeah whatever bonnie I still don't see what that's got to do with someone coming to the Hidey Hole or Patrick Swayze"
"Seez dares you goes again puttin tings in my mouf........... I'z never sez anyting about Patrick" ........... "Okay Bahn but there was just Sam Elliot and Patrick Sawyze in the movie Road house that worked at the bar" ............. "boB I'z never said nothin bout beins at the movies last night I'z sayin tat the bouncer Dalton be's commin for me" .......................................

*as boB turns he sees a big shadowy figure with a club*

We interrupt this regular (almost) scheduled programming to make an important PSA...........(Pains and stupid arses)

ahem........................zbasspro has liked me twice and I do not want to be liked and he knows it. This shows full stupidity despite the fact that he can mix an awesome joose and rides the General Lee quite well and looks good in pink. This LIKE stuff is out of hand and I am on strike until it stops! One more like and I will NOT LIKE this liking and will..............ahem...........well, I will...........well, IDK(Not a joose yet) what I will do but it will be horrid.............simply horrid!



I feel a Mod Ho episode boiling.......................ruh roh!


Pass the popcorn please?

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

<cheesy jingle music plays the tune (almost) of pennies from heaven>


Good evening Hidey Holers and welcome to KBV radio, the sounds of the old, the new and the .........ahem.........odd! Todays edition of Mod Ho knows comes from a caller (OK it was a PM but this is not really radio FFS) asking for a "Dripping for dummies video." Now.....cough.......since the camera adds 10 pounds and I have 10 extra we will skip the visual and also respect Ciego by doing a Mod Ho knows about dripping segment. Mod Ho knows a lot about a few things, a little about a few things and nothin about several things. One things the Mod Ho knows for sure is that there is no better way to taste e-liquid. There is nothing in the vaping world more tasty than a delicious well dripped atty. There is a learning curve and a few tips to take into account. First, a well maintained atomizer and good e-liquid are a necessity......of course Mod Ho knows KBV to be best e-liquid for dripping as the layered flavors and vg/pg ratio are dripping friendly. Second, one must be sure to have fresh batteries and a good PV in working condition. (Don't LOL, Ya'll have said WTF (Not a joose) is wrong and found your batteries were dead.) This is a dripping for dummies segment. Now to be a good drip.......ahem...dripper..........one must not be driving, changing a diaper or doing brain surgery. Have two free hands and a well lit comfy chair. If the atomizer is already broken in (used and free of primer) drop 2-3 drops (in a 510) 4-5 in a 901 or 6-8 in an 801. Hit the button for a second to allow wicking and then inhale with lips slightly parted to allow air to flow over the tongue. At the same time place the tip of the tongue in a down position to allow full access of the larger portion of the tongue to come in contact with the greater amount of the vapor. Remember taste is done with the tongue and the taste buds are sorted throughout the tongue. Just as one would swish a good wine around the mouth, allow the vapor to float around the tongue to pick up the subtle nuances in the flavorful e-liquid. Should you be using vomitvapor or pukemliquid you will possibly pick up a perfume, chemical or acrid taste. If so, send it to sacrifice to the porcelain God or give it to your bothersome neighbor. A good drip..ahem......dripper is a happy vaper and Mod Ho knows that dripping is the ultimate taste experience in vaping.

This program has been brought to you by Kick Bass vapor.........the best e-liquid on earth period. Let Kick Bass Vapor Lure you in! They are kickin Bass and takin names!

<cheesy jingle music plays the tune of Super Freak>

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Not funny, zbass....not funny at all.

Gr-r-r-r-r.....

** Ciego begins to assemble what will become, he hopes his new sauna heater. **

Now where did I put that stupid impact wrench....?

Well buy a darn belt would ya? I can see us all now gathered round the campfire singing to you "pants on the ground, pants on the ground" The quality of my posts has diminished if that was possible, time to give it a break I guess

Peter R. Puny had arrived at work at KBV radio early to check the program schedule as he has serious nervous ticks and twitches and palpitations over that so called weather reporter Bonniegirl. he found her so "ODD" and hard to understand and also a bit cranky and stuck in her ways. They were just a few of his disdainful thoughts about her personality. Her appearance was more appalling. Her hair was ALWAYS in curlers, she wore large printed flowered housedresses with large pockets and her snoopy ta tas were inside a very loosely placed bassiere which did none of the work it was intended for. She reeked of alcohol, had fermentation growing on her teeth and she belched and passed gas anywhere without remorse. Whenever she was in need of anything..........a PV, an atty, some joose, a kleenex, chapstick or anything..........including a phillips screwdriver, she pulled it out of her brassiere after a fishing expedition which may or may not leave nothing to the imagination. The deflated ta tas could at any time fall outside their respective cups and fall upon a desk, a bar rail or just hang pointing at her worn slippers with the backs crushed for convenient on and off abilities.
Peter perused the schedule and saw that Bono music was scheduled aplenty along with other you tube videos which he found useless on the radio but the callers just loved them. He let out a large gasp ad sweated profusely and feltt his heart rate increase to 200 when on the schedule he read
6PM EST: Evening weather and fishing report with Bonniegirl
Peter quickly checked his work schedule thumbtacked to the bulletin board just below the Chinese restaurant menu and the emergency numbers for fire, medic and psych services as well as a schedule of worship services at the old Chapel with Preacherman Hy. There were also some dumb Garfield cartoons about broadcasting (all work areas have cartoons about their jobs) and a brochure for the nearest pole dancing bar..........ahem..Gentlemans club. Peter took his pointer finger to go down the alphabetized list to the Ps and saw his name and with a long held breath he looked across to 6/29..............OMG(Not the joose)..........HE WAS THE SOUND ENGINEER for tonights broadcast. He then looked at the very pointer finger he used to check the schedule and screamed a death defying, window breaking, wounded animal sound. He began mumbling aloud and scurried to the mens room as his bowels were now in an uproar much like his scream*

No weather, no weather, no wind tellin, no wind tellin, no weather, no weather ...................aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*Peter unzipped with urgency, sat and held his crying head within his hands being careful to lift the pointer fingers as they were a hurtful reminder of what was to come. peter R. Puny now had weather tellin fingers and he hated them*


Pass the popcorn please........................I can't wait to see..............ahem..................hear............this!

*Peter R. Puny visualizes the familiar large filled brassiered woman approaching the KBV radio station and feels the familiar panicky feeling he had right before his sex ed classes in middle school. He did just as the school nurse had done and reached for the first available brown bag to breathe in. Suddenly, a horrific odor hit his nostrils like a mack truck and he realized this bag was the bag used by the ground crew to clean up the possum posses droppings!

Dang possum pooper scoopin fools! Oh no, no weather, no weather, no finger tellin winds.....sigh, huff, puff, huff, puff (and he ain't a wolf, big or bad)

*Peter hears the mumbling and the groaning and the vapor cloud was dense and the weatherwoman arrived with a howdy do*

Hey dare ya soundin mans........hows ya bean? Eyes a readyin fer me ferstest day back tah dat dare weatherin and me weather tellin finger bees jest fahn. Thank ye fer a askin after me.........what say?
Ye dint askin after me? Mehbe day bees a tellin me ya was a worryin yeself ober me an I eben gets a weepyin. Now lissen if'n ya hears a big meanin man a comin an he bees a lookin all hard an bouncyin, gives me a sahn er sumfin an bees a tellin him he ain't loud on dis cheer properry. He bees dah worstest man what libbed. He dat dare pub bouncer an he bees affer me fer God in dah hebbens knowed what. Eye beed at dat dare pubbin fer longer dan he be a libbin an now he all ackin lahk he be a ownin dat dare pubbin an all an lookin jest lahk dat dare Jelly Man wince he was a thenkin he be duh law an all in dat dare boy scoutin uneeformin wid dat dare plastic badge. I bees a bouncin hims if'n I sees em...c'mon now we be gittin ready fer dat dare portant weatherin portin an dat dare fishin reportin........dang, ya bees slower dan dat dare tucky boy win he bees a fetchin me dem libations..........set fahr unner ya .... an git tah moobin.

*The two adversarial characters enter the station and begin the weather report*

Pass the popcorn please............this wind tellin finger could tell us women if we will be having a bad hair day or not!

<cheesy jingle music plays to the tune of “It's raining men” while a loud ruckus of chairs moving, mumbling and bottles clinking is heard in the background and at times overpowers the music, Several times during the intro there are wails of “NO WEATHER heard with a pleading voice>

Peter R. Puny wipes his snivelling nose on his sleeve and chokes the countdown.......in 5....sob.....4...hic......3....glub.......2.....1.....and a faint whisper of “God help us all” is heard as he waves at the new weather woman Bonniegirl as he was too afraid to point after the reprimand ON AIR for just doing his job. The head continues the disbelief ridden side to side movement*

Hey dare all of Hidey Hole in dis cheer Fishigan U S. of A. Dis cheer bees duh wedder and duh fishin reportin fer dis cheer day numer 29 of June. Well dat dare farmerin almanackin dun telled eat right agin yesteeday. Now dis cheer ain't no kinda part uh duh wedder bet I cin telled ya all dat dat dare full moonin bees doin sum hauntin tah a goot many folks an all. Dat be science fer shure wins ya sees a man turn tah a mess of cryin an booin an hooin ober sayin duh wordin wedder. Dem dare ambalincin folks'll tell eat tah be truer dan duh sky bees up an hells be down dat win dat dare moon bees full folks cin go plum crazier dan a bed buggin. Now less all git tah duh wedder reportin fer dis cheer day. Dem dare red breasty robins was in dah trees tuday an so dat mean dat prolly the rainin bees a lot less roun dis cheer hidey hole. Dat leff knee bees settlin down a bit an dat bees a good signin dat we bees a gittin a lot less uh dat humiditin. Dat bees good fer dem dare hot flashin wimens and fer dem round bellyin wid day pants showin day cracks mens. Werkin outsidin an all bees a mess better an all wid dat humiditin down. Lookin at dat dare fingerin wid dah tongue wind testin now. Well, sure as I bees settin cheer dat dare fingerin werent feelin no kinda windin er eben a breezin so dat meanin dat we be habin us a lake flat lahk glass and makin sure dat ya be usin a motor fer yer fishin tahday cause day ain't no kinda windin tah hep ya wid dah rowin an all. *loud gas release is heard* Dat dare ash treein has hes leaves straight an all an day ain't trunt up so dat be more proffin dat tahday bees duh day tah do dat washin an hangin on duh lahn an all cause dat be shureness fer a dryin day. Dat Birch stick wedder teller says too dat we bees dry tahday. Now dis cheer floodin prolems bees goin down bet dat be a dang sadness fer eberone what dun lost dare nets and boats an eben day housin an all. Jelly man bees habin a nahc jar at hees bikin shop fer donatin tah dem poor folks what dun lost eat all an all sews if'n ya gits down dare trah tah put some uh yer extry changin outta yer pockets an hep em out..........

*Bonniegirl is whispering to the sound man*

pssssttttt...........cin ya be a readin dis cheer part cause eat bees mah breakin tahm?

Bonniegirl hands a paper to a shaking and blubbering Mr. Puny and reaches into the abyss of her bosom for her PV and a nice bottle of Mommas Angel Wings, drips 4 big drops into her well broken in 801 mini atomizer and takes a long draw and exhales as she loosens the cap of the Ms Walker and takes a good long swig. A smile of contentment covers her ODD face as she repeats this process for several minutes which felt like an hour to Peter R. Puny as he reads from the paper handed to him

Peter: ahem..........sniff...............uh,uh,uh.........gasp..........well............cough, this is your fishin report for Lake Fishigan..........sniff.............sob

Lake level is at 611.3 today. Water temp is still in the mid to upper 50's. We need some warm weather to really get things going. We haven't heard much in the way of mushrooms this past week other than the yellows are up now. Turkey hunting finishes up this Sunday. …..sob,sniffle,glub

CRAPPIE- They are pretty mixed right now as the cold front from this past weekend played havoc with a lot of fishermen. Some folks are doing very well while others are struggling big time. The ones that are doing best are finding brush in 3-4 feet of water and staying persistent. You can find the occasional keeper out in 12-15 feet of water as well. Chartreuse and black or red seems to be working for jigs. Minnows and Crappie Nibbles or the Gulp Alive Waxies added are definitely the way to go.
CATFISH- There were some decent blues come in this past weekend and a few flatheads but we didn't see the bigger ones that we had seen last week. Perch and goldfish seem to be the bait of choice. ….......sob, sniffle..........*loud nose blowing heard*
BASS- White bass are still biting up in the rivers and also some are coming off of points going into the main lake. Rooster tails, Little Cleos�.the normal stuff. Largemouth Bass are also up in the shallows and you can catch some dandies while you are catching crappie.

*Bonniegirl is heard during the report inquiring as to what was wrong and questioned his lack of composure and then begins to chastize him on air*

Dat bees duh worstest fishin reportin eye eber did heard. loud burp is heard She then gave him a sideways glance sayin for him to shut his pie hole without saying a word.

Ahem...............hic...........Now one more thang tah remindin ya'll. Sence dat dare moon bees full an all, dontcha bees a plantin till after duh twentyiff cause dat be bad fer dem plants an day wheel dyin frum dat dare full moonin.
Well folks we has tah git dis cheer wedder reportin an fishin reportin all dun cause dat dare DeeJayin bees cheer an she be lookin lahk she wantin tah git startin so we wants tah thank dat dare kickin bassin an all fer dis cheer program timin an we will sees ya cept we cain't see ya fer real an all bet we will talk to ya tomorry fer yer wedder and fishin report on dis cheer radioin station 69 point 69 on yer dial. Has ya a blessed day an all.

Peter R. Puny wipes his brow, runs to the mens room and is heard retching and prayin to the porcelain God and Bonniegirl collects all of her belongings and places them in their respective bosom side and exits the station with a whistle which sounded like a cross between Dixie and the funeral dirge all the while looking around for that "mean an nastyin bouncy man"


Pass the popcorn please..............wonder what program is next, can't wait to hear!

** A sinister figure in a black trenchcoat lurks behind the studios of The Divine 69.69 KBV Radio**

<whispering to himself>

That mush-mouthed old drunk is offending my highly-trained and most excellent ears, and is making my unit shrink. I now have two navels...both 'innies.' I have to do something drastic....or she'll drive me out of my freakin' mind!

** Pulls giant pair of wire cutters from a deep pocket.**

Aw crap...I mean, drat it! Which one is the 440 volt power feed, and which one is the coax between the studio and the transmitter...?

** Puzzles, then comes up with a time-honored way to choose...**

Innie-minnie-mooney-.......
Either way the thing goes....

** There is a large, brilliant flash of blue electrical light and ozone fills the air. The figure, not quite electrocuted runs panicked, trenchcoat ablaze, toward the dock....

And straight into the water..... **

Aw, crap....er, DRAT!

Ciego outta curiosity I've been wondering why you use the less than and greater than when saying things like grin instead of using the colon (not your A.N.U.S.) ? Is that in your program? The smileys on here work with a colon before and after them although if you type : ........
willow:

it won't show you a ........
willow

Like this : ohmy : would give you the "oh my!" face if you didn't have spaces between the colons and the ohmy........... like this Just always wondered if you did the <grin> intentionally or if it actually "grinned" on another forum or if it is a speech program?

*somehow feels he walked into something*

BoB... you mean like

shock:

wink:
Didn't know it worked like that, thanks <grin>
:


Here's a very amusing artifact about my screen reader software. I can choose from two kinds of Spanish (Castillian/Continental and Latin American) and two kinds of English (American and British) pronunciations. For some reason, my screen reader reads the KBV main website with a British accent. It's hilarious to hear some of the joose names said with a Brit accent.


:!:
:wink:
:wink:

::.....: Damn, it didn't work...you were right.

I resent....................uhhhmmm...........represent these accusations about that poor womans voice sounding "ODD"

Come to think of it..............having seen many "normal" folks today while in Philadelphia, I prefer to sound "ODD"

Odd and proud of it!

Long Live ODD!

ODD IS WINNING!

<grin>.............<------------love them, but I will not "Like" it

*Bonniegirl was walking back from the radio station (KBV radio 69.69 on your dial) and was weary and a bit jumpy..........she was highly concerned about that uppity "Bouncy pub fakin a pohleese" and she was verging on paranoia. Every acorn, every leaf flutter, every possum posse crossing set her heart rate rising and the sweat beads moving. Those beads of sweat ran down her temples, over the wire haired mole, down the cavernous cheeks and off the point of her chin and into the recesses of the storage area brassiere. In an attempt to prevent moisture from soiling the KBV joose labels, she ducked under a low lying pine branch and fished around in the ample area for the bottles to place them safely in her pockets. She is mumbling to herself...............as usual*

Dese cheer joosies bees sew dang goodness and dat dare bouncyin mans wid dat dare big stick finks he bees auh takin up wid me hees shortin comins? Naw.........dis cheer bees war an all. He bestest bees a watchin fer heeself an all cause I bees a wildin womans wins eye gits a cornered an all. he bees messin wid duh wrongin woman cheer.

*Bonniegirl lifts the brown bagged libations to her lips and takes a good long draw of the courage she would need to make it back to her cabin, her home, her haven. She then filled her PV carto with some finely aged Mommas Angel Wings and drew in a few good 5.3 volt pulls and felt the superwoman, the wonder woman, the courage the cowardly dog come alive in her. She felt invincible, as only libations could do and began her trek home with a new vigor. Jaw set forward, shoulders back, (as far as the loaded brassiere would allow)and a new firmness to her step, she staggered a zigged zagged path to home using trees, branches and trunk to bounce off of and assist in the journey. her walk was determined albeit a bit wavy and she cheered herself on as she walked with a ditty from childhood to ward off the evil spirits of the Bouncyin man*

Who bees ascared of the big bad woof, dat big baddin woof dat big baddin woof, whod ascared uh dat big baddin woof, tree la dee la dee dah

Pass the popcorn please.............I pray that bouncy man don't catch Bonniegirl in the mood she is in!

** A dark trenchcoat, a white cane, a pair of ultra-chic sunglasses and a wicked grin <grin>, as Ciego...er, that radio denizen Mike Oxlong takes to the microphone at the Divine 69.69...KBV Radio!***

Hey kids, you know what you get if you got 77? It's 69, but you get 8 more... heh heh heh.

Tonight's topic of discourse is regional dialects. CleoLove and I, as well as many others who visit these fora are Minnesotan. A Minnesotan can lend incredible gravity to the pronunciation of the letter "o," as in "boat," or "toast." We also refer to casseroles as "Hot dishes," soda pop as "pop," and Iowans as "subhumans..." Heh heh.

Now, our weather girl has quite a unique dialect herself. I can never tell if I'm hearing the drunk female equivalent of Paul Prudhomme or a remake of "Amos and Andy" when I hear it, but you gotta admit, that accent is endearing and well, unique. Add a few gallons of Scotch, and it becomes a lingual circus. And BTW, since the dear lady is not currently here, and since Peter R. Puny has apparently checked himself into the Tranquil Acres Sanitorium, I'll do tonight's weather forecast.

Tonight Lake Fishigan will see overnight temperatures in the low 70's with high humidity and a 90 percent chance of mosquitos which will eat your 70 pound Labrador if given half a chance. Tomorrow, the EPA has issued a B.O. alert for the region, as temperatures are expected to climb into the "hot as hell" range with ....-crack drowning humidity.

The Fourth of July is looking good! We're expecting highs in the 80 proof range, lows in the "bottom of the joose bottle" category and no precipitation, except when one of us exhales a mouthful of vapor over a glass of ice cubes.

Here's today's fun fact! Did you know the word "fornication" comes from the Latin "fornix," which simply means......


** Suddenly, the old transmitter is silenced as if by an unseen hand, and gentle static fills the air...**

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

<cheesy jingle music to the tune of "Good Morning Sun">

Good Morning Hidey Holers and welcome to the sounds of KBV radio in the morning.
Now for our morning news recap of the events of June 30,2011. All of Lake Fishigan and more importantly the Hidey Hole residents wished Happy Birthdays to Bradley and Daltons' sweet daughter
Happy dance for the bungee jumping Birthday girl and Bradley and a special shout out (hug) to Sandys Grandson for completing his medical testing and a quick recovery is wished by all.
Steve, love those redwoods, had the God given gift to see them in person once and it reminded me of how majestic our world is and how small I am in comparison to the big picture despite my ego telling me I am the centric figure of the world. Those trees will knock an egocentric down to her knees. Glad you enjoyed your sweet children at that special place. (I do not think I am egocentric but it looked good on paper to illustrate the point)

Whilst celebrations, and in SandyK case....the worrynation........were abounding...........the Novella Lived on and here is a recap of the days events.

A mysterious person of interest is lurking around the Hidey hole and a reliable source............(a friend of a friends hairdressers' sons brother) has suggested that it may be that new BOUNCER.............although he has not shown himself or even come out of the closet............ahem..........water closet............cough...........outhouse.

Bonniegirl began her walk home from her weather report at KBV radio and was a bit nervous about the bouncer being mad at her due to "sumfin she did" at the pub the other evening. She can not remember what she did as she was a bit "froggy in dah heed" but she is paranoid and needed a belt and a vape to calm her nerves and sang her way home with a fine rendition from Walt Disney Productions "The Three Little Pigs." The selection was "Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf" although afraid became "ascairt." In her usual "ODD" style, she pictures herself a super hero and gets the courage to go forth.

Finally, Mike Oxlong recapped the weather with his usual "shooting from the hip"........(ahem, well, the pelvic region anywho) style and did an interesting climactic ending to the broadcast with white noise

Peter R Puny almost lost his swagger with the return of the wind tellin fingerin, libation lovin, brassiere fillin weatherwoman who relies on the Farmers Almanac as the Bible of weather and farming returned. He gets awfully nervous when she takes to the airwaves and his pocket protector is shrouded in sweat balls and has been shaken to the core. Never-the-less, he was forced to read the fishing report while Bonniegirl took her break mid broadcast. (she does have her priorities)

Ciego...........ahem.............Mike Oxlong took to the air on KBV radio and reported weather from his perspective.......cough....well, as he sees it, anyway. The white stick and foster Grants were a lovely touch to the visual for the reader........ahem.....listener.
The main subject of this broadcast for the "boys and girls" was discussing dialects from different regions and since I am from NJ I will just fugghetaboutit and fist pump (not pump gas) and go about my merry way of talkin the way one should.......ahem.
I agree that Bonniegirl has an "ODD" cajun/swampy/minstrel/white trailer trash sorta dialect and it is "ODD" but this IS the Novella after all and we do like (NOT THE "LIKES") an ODD joose which is free of chemical and perfumey undertones and tastes ODDLY wonderous!

Thanks to our sponsor Kick bass Vapor for supporting this broadcast. Enjoy the best catch on Earth at Kick Bass Vapor where you will be lured in. Kickin Bass and takin names.

Have a good day and stay tuned to KBV radio for the sounds of the old, the new and the "ODD."

*Bonniegirl awoke with a startle............oh the noises of the night. She supposed that the possum posse had had some kind of celebration of sorts as the bang and bing noises awoke her several times. Oh and the dreams............how they has disrupted her rest. Bouncy men in trench coats with sunglasses peeking around trees and jumping out at her with the usual BOO and oh how a real BOO was so different from the childish halloween Boos of her childhood. The pillow and sheet were soaked of bodily seeping of etoh,salty sweat and a bit of bean juice. She had always been a night eater but the problem had worsened with the worry over the bouncer. She thought so hard her brain was screaming to stop. She had to remember what she did to make that bouncer so mad. It surely could not have been the bit of rest upon the bar rail, she had done that a hundred times. It most surely could not be the clouds of vapor she emitted from her PV as she had also done that a thousand times. Many of the pub patrons had made suggestions for her choice of e-liquid for the wonderful olfactory sensations much like one would suggest a tune to a DJ in a club. Sometimes her head would swirl with all of the joose bottles to fish out of the bosom to appease a patron. She was so weary of blowing people..........ahem..........the vapor.........she considered not vaping in the pub to prevent such harassment but that was not possible as her mouth NEEDED her KBV jooses and this was just a side effect of having the most wonderful tasting joose..............it smelled wonderous too! Her mind wandered back to that rotten bouncer. What could he be after her for? She had not been to the pub in a few days and was so reluctant to do so but since those silly cable people cut off her cable she was unable to watch her “reelin uh forshun” She had not seen a single person buy a “bowel” in several days although she found wanting to buy a bowel quite redunculous, she still liked to watch it. It was much like a car wreck.........she couldn't resist. Why she had enough troubles with keeping her one bowel regular, she could never juggle more than one and what would one do if one bowel was loose and the other tight? Oh fiddlesticks she said allowed and brought her thoughts back into focus. Those cable people were nothing but irritable when she asked for the cable to be turned on and they refused. They had told her the service was not free and the past due amount was $437.26! She said that she could buy two bowels with that kinda money and they threw her out. Jelly man never told her that that channel one that had all the newest movies charged extra each time you clicked on and well............she had fallen asleep mid movie several times and 12 times “clicked” on “True Grit” to finish the movie over a period of a week. This had become a habitual problem and Bonniegirl discussed it aloud to herself..........as usual.

*Dis cheer telebishionin gots sumfin in dat screen whats makes ya a sleepin an all an dat dare cable womans dunt knowed nuttin bout chargin ye a raht prahce an all. Dat dare true grittin beed watchin jest dat oncest an all........dat ain'ta beed a faultin uh mahn dat dey puts dat dare sleepin gassin in dat dare screenin. Jest when day bees a gun fightin an all an I jest shet me eyes tah restem up an all an den neber knowin who deadanall? Dat ain't duh reasonin what a poison bees a watchin dat wid dat not knowin who git shot and dead. Dey bees a runnin dat dare cablin place lahks dey be a payin fer dat dare movoein deyselves. Dat dare womans shoula takes acountin fer duh fact what eye bees a doin a radioin showin an all an eyes be a heppin dem dare new fisherfolkin wid dey catches an all an eye beed a goot woman an all an dey be takin me cablin away fer monies an all. Dey no care if'n I gots dat dare bouncy man affer me an Imma gonna git dat dare jellyin man tah pet on his boy scoutin uneeformin an dat plastic star an ackin lahk he bees dah long armin uh dah law an take em tuh taskin. Dis cheer bouncy man gots tah stop dis cheer meanit. I bees gittin me brassiere on an all an git raht ober tah dat bikin chop an sees if'n Jellyin man caint hep a sistah out an all.

Bonniegirl begins the preparations for leaving. A fresh flowered housedress, a bit of ajax and a rag to her bunions to clean the hidey hole grit off and a fillin of the bassiere with the necessities..........2 extra Pvs , several batteries, 12 bottles of KBV ounces, a few cartos, some fine 801 atomizers, a tweezer, some kitchen cloth for drippings and a chapstick (cherry of course in case Katy Perry showed up at the Hidey Hole) and last but not least a handful of kleenex in the case of the boos and hoos which may arise as they usually did. She sets out the door and feels like a mole with the bright sun on her face.

Pass the popcorn please...............I can't wait to see if Jelly man will show up to help her out of the trouble with the bouncer

Ms. Eggplant....it's not Augustine...it's "Aquinas."

See, we (recovering)Catholics had to choose a confirmation name when we got confirmed. I wanted "Cecilia," because she's the patron saint of musicians, but the nuns (bless them) wouldn't let me take a woman's name as my confirmation name.

"But why, Sister Saint Joseph?" I asked.

"Because it's just not right," chimed in Sister Saint Peter.

Ah well, what's sauce for the gander is apparently not sauce for the penguins...Or vice-versa.

So, I chose "Thomas Aquinas" (the patron saint of scholars) for my constipation...er, confirmation name.

Fascinating story, no? LOL

Currently vaping a competitor's juice, and it is quite delicious. KBV may have inspired other juice vendors to try harder? This one is Vermillion River's Kentucky Cherrywood, a cherry tobacco flavor. It's bloody marvelous.

We now return you to the OT posts regarding poets and odd musicians, and the on-topic posts regarding the nimutae of expensive and finicky custom mods, already in progress...

Van Morrison currently on the stereo; Mrs. Ciego's choice. Unfortunately, it's "Brown Eyed Girl...." Ah well...at least it's not "Air Supply..." Or Barry Manilow.

(Actually, I really like Barry Manilow, although not nearly as much as Barry White... but a helluva lot more than Barry Gibb and/or Barry Goldwater, who couldn't sing a note).

Mr. Aquinas,

I must have inadvertently confused you with Mr Augustine, who famously cried, ""Lord, make me chaste, but not yet.". I cannot imagine why my mind would have slipped that way...
A small bas relief representing St Cecilia, my favorite, hangs over my couch. At night she and Calliope and Terpsichore and Tom Waits and Bach totter around the house and blow into reed flutes and bang on oil drums and drive the cat insane.
Mr Aquinas declines the invitation.
Mr Aquinas famously cried, "“All that I have written seems to me like straw compared to what has now been revealed to me.”
So I guess he got it.
I was once madly in love with a young nun named Sister Michael John.
She famously cried, " -
Scratch that.
Love,
St. Aubergine (that sounds GOOD, don't it?)

** Ciego is confoozed....more than usual.**
:?
And I'm *certainly* not putting down anyone for chit-chatting. I just don't get the whole expensive custom mod thing, and I'm hoping to be illuminated a bit. It's so awesome to have experts such as BonnieGirl (Whom I have dubbed "The Bon Diggity"), Clay (love your reviews with Dog) and all these other experts. I am still a newbie vaper; I'll be the first to admit that.

And what's wrong with Barry Manifold? Dude made some cash, some of his non-radio songs are excellent pop compositions, he worked with top shelf musicians...I admire that.

But as I said, I do prefer Barry White. You oughta hear me perform Barry White karaoke...makes me sound much less white...er, you know...ummmm.....

Now vaping the Crumbb Doughnut. Me likey, and at 5 volts, wow!

** Ciego is still confoozed...can't decide what to make for dinner with a 105 degree F. heat index at play. Don't thing hot chicken pot pies are the answer.....**

And BTW.... Ms. Eggplant. Regardless of beef jerky etc., do you *know* how *sexy* intelligence is?

Y'all, I am smitten. <wink>

Merde! There's a thong in my web...

I *knew* there was Ia reason I dig you, Eggplant. How synchronously and serendipitously we drink tequila together, albeit separated by 1200 miles. <g>

Johnny Nash "I Can See Clearly Now" on the box. Cool song, actually.

Recently, someone compiled a CD for me with tunes all refering to eyesight/vision/blindness. Among other tunes on the CD:

"My Eyes Adored You"
"I Can See Clearly Now" Johnny Nash

"Love is Blindness" (the Cassandra Wilson version, although I also love U2's original)

"Blinded by the Light" (the Manfred Mann version, authored by Bruce Springsteen)

"I Only Have Eyes for You" (thankfully, not the Art Garfunkel cover)

Some people have a great sense of humous.

Good night Hidey Holers! I embrace all of you, even the smelly ones....

Dalton, super cool!

The last time I tried to design a mod (see novella), it was the A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System), and we all know how *that* turned out.

Imagine this: It's a dark and stormy night. Ciego carefully places the array of lithium-ion batteries on the platform, opens the roof hatch and slowly raises the platform on hydraulics through the opening in the roof, as lightning crashes overhead. Suddenly, there are Jacob's Ladders, sparks and fizzing noises, as mysterious-looking vacuum tubes, coils, globes and even beakers full of Vomit Vapor (TM) e-liquid glow eerily....

"It's Alive! Alive!!"

Okay, well maybe your R. & D. isn't quite that....er, dramatic?

*Bonniegirl removes the housedress and brassiere and all bottles fall on the cabin on wheels floor.........she leans over to pick all the belongings up and sees the cherry chapstick and wonders why Katy Perry never showed up at the hidey hole..............she sighed, vaped her well aged OMG(The joose) and climbed into the bed under a worn quilt of softness and love. She gazed out the window at the stars and said a little prayer for her friends and her critters and all the Walkers of the world both in liquid form and those in human form and closed her eyes for rest. Nary a worry could disturb the rest of a soul with hurting and a hurting soul. Sleep is such blissful escape from the world of nasty and mean and ruination. She mumbled to herself............as usual*

Nitey dare moon..............dang glad an all dat eye ain't beed duh one what hasta keepin a watch all frew duh naht ondese cheer prolems uh dah werld...........dang glad an all...................nitey moon

*sleep succumbed her weary body and a large gassy noise erupted but did not disrupt the rhythm of her snores nor cause alarm to none for there were none around.*

Ahhhhhhhh... poor eggplant have just finally finished her mt everest pile of holiday paperwork, is now braindead, but free to frolic tomorrow and visit her friend and take a walk with the dawg and gaze into the middle distance all happily bewildered with her unusual freedom.

did you know that etymologically 'lapel' is offspring of 'lap'? true. so being historically accurate at all times, i is going to pin my flag to my panties. in honor of.

Would someone be kind enough to tell me how to gather quotes up in the balloons in one response like boB and yssiM and sum others does? Because often i have no time to write much, but do skim thru, and especially when people are having birthdays and children and sadnesses and catastrophes and rejoicefulnesses and all I can't keep all the pages together to note that I am over here going oh la, and oh hell, and oh hug, and oh merde, and hooray and all, and it'd be more manageable to express my everlovin love if it all wrapped up tidier. I see no demned bahloons button, squint, peer.

happy boom bom whoosh oooooooh wow day, all ya's

heck, Bons, any fool knows the 4th of Jooly is in remembrance of when we blew up napolean, who was trying to take all of our tea away.
which we were gong to give back to the indians eventually, because we wanted the brooklyn bridge. damned frogs. boomlay boomlay boomlay BOOM.

hugs, i going to suck up a liter or so of MAW and watch an artsy movie on my laptop and ... sleeeeeep.

ps med, i have also offered to foist my REO upon st ciego, but think it ill-advised as it's so damned fiddly to fill, and clean, and he probly have better things to do with his delicately tuned wee paws than that. i suspect.

*Bonniegirl arose to the sound of a lone bird singing bobwhite bobwhite bobwhite and knew the chickeny fella was callin his friends.......or perhaps was lost as he belonged on the East and was in Fishigan which is in the nowhere. Bonniegirl removed the chicken feed from the corners of her eyes and arose with a slow creaky achey crunch of bones and ligaments and adipose hangings. Prior to the coffee boil was the ritualistic brassiere puttin on and it took some strength which this morning was voided from her human puter patterns. Perhaps a wait with ta tas to the south point could relieve the bones a bit and she reached for the PV and loaded with 24 MG morning joose. No mind to the flavors only to the numbers at this hour. The possum posse had knocked over the can outside and bean cans and old dresses of the Ms Walker were strewn around the site and under the tires and over the river and through the woods and no Grandmas to go to. Twas a horrid thing to have no Grandmas or Mommas to go to..........only comfortin came when the Boos and Hoos commenced and was short lived as all saw the wound as small and minor and well............others had worser an all. None could see that those rose ...... or skinned knees or curlers strewn were quite serious as they alerted needs.........attention,validation,carin, touchin............every human needed to be validated with crumbs of human contact besides a side ways disdainful look of disapproval or the raised eyebrow of sayin she was "Odd"......"everybunny on dis cheer earf gots a speshualin part uh dem" she would mumble. Today was the 4th of July and all would be settin up the boom boom and whirl whirl and such and weinies will be roasted and eaten by tons on Coney Isles far from here and everybunny will all of a sudden remember that some are in harms way and wave their flags and then on the 5th will be a memory, a past, a page in the journal of life not a part of everyday life. Plenty is in harms way everyday and suffers and puts their life on the line for the good of all but has no day to bang and bang and whirl and whirl. "fiddlestix to em all" she would say. Bonniegirl was waiting for the time when humans could see a soul instead of the curlers but that would prolly never happen and so she would now and always be looked at sideways like the tiger born sripeless or the three legged chicken or the cow without udders. She was "Odd" and would embrace her Oddity. Coffee boiled, brassiere on and filled to capacity..........she exited the wheeled home of comfy quilts and dust bunny friends and set out for a morning constitutional walk to clear the sinuses, move the stomach gases and enjoy the dew, the sunrise and the smell of untainted morning as the good Lord made em.

*while preparing for the fireworks display and the VG wrestling matches boB sees Ciego plow right into the A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System) on the blow up doll/life preserver*

"someone has to teach that man about the breast...




stroke"

*Bonniegirl arises to a ray of sun upon her face through the cracks in the wall next to the window........*OK, we use the term window quite loosely...tis a hole*.........she hears the sounds of a chirping cricket and a bullfrog and thinks perhaps the cricket was prolly preventing himself from being breakfast and was a smart .... chirping to make the bullfrog think he was over there when he was really over here. Crickets do that. The thought of breakfast and most surely coffee allowed the brittle bones to move and allow for the upright position. Bonniegirl noticed the fuzzy head were not so fuzzy as usually found at this hour. Funny how the fireworks set off over Lake Fishigan had not made the bang that the Ms Walker did.........agh,, thinking could make the bang, and so she moved her thoughts to white noises and prepared the boiled coffee grounds. They were three days old now and would prolly make a coffee flavored tea at best. She made a mental note to take some of her social security monies to lay in provisions and writes a note to herself on her hand............mumbling to herself........as usual*

cofey.........beanins........sody crackerins..........tishuins...........popcornin.......shugerin........creamin

*Her hand and part of her arm were full of the inked store list and so that was enough for now. She could always ask Jelly man to fetch a few things if she forgot something. Her mind wandered to the events of last night. Not only was all of Fishigan U. S of A. celebrating Independence Day, they were celebrating Ciegos' Birthday and what a party. Mini with a lampshade on her head, Bee Oh Bee settin off the fireworks, Medic pulling fisherfolks out of the water after falling off the dock............Ciego fell 54 times, one for each year of livin. Sandy K spent an entire hour removing a fish hook from Missys hair after el Ciego decided some night fishing was in order. When someone inquired as to the reason, he said , "because I can!" Reason enough for anyone, especially on their Birthday. Mini and Missy had made a lovely Pineapple upside down cake for Ciegos Birthday but there was nary enough to go around and so Bob handed out the joose and many vaped their cake. Many went back for seconds as they wanted to vape their cake and eat it too. Bonniegirl had not invited Ms Walker to the events as Preacherman Hy had told her the Ms Walker was not invited and so she sat through all the fun without her friend and her courage. The festivities were not so festive, Jelly Man was not so funny, Ciego was not so alarming, the music seemed twice as loud, the laughter overwhelming and she found herself short of breath and a bit pained, all for the love of Ms Walker and the pining after her and the missing and the forget me nots and the habit and the usualness of her in her hand...........nothing was what it seemed or supposed to be and the night ended far to late when Ms Walker was not invited. Bonniegirl had slipped back to the wheeled house of comfort and curled in a ball under the quilt checking first to make sure the dust bunnies were there to love her...........and they were. She had slept lightly, knowing every leaf in the wind and every creak of a dead branch and vowed never to sleep without the medicinal Ms Walker again. She mumbled aloud...................*

Git yeeself readyin fer dat storin bizness and doin dem errents sews we cin git tah dat statin storin fer sum uh dat Ms Walkerin, Eyes a neber gonna bees sleepin widout dat dare Ms walkerin agin...........nowayin an no howin.

*Bonniegirl dresses, fills the bosom, leans to put on her moccasins with a stream of small gassy noises like a rat a tat drum, pats the curlers just so to make her feel as though she has done something with her hair..........sprays a little Jean Nate` to cover any lingering odors and steps out onto the little metal steps and a loud gas exploded which was unheard by all as all were not there and waving her hand behind her to dissipate the odor Bonniegirl set out on her errands.*


Pass the popcorn please..............this Novella has fewer and fewer characters these days............

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Novella Chapter 69 Subchapter 68 (I'll owe you one).

** Ciego slumps over on his stump as Lefty, his favorite amputee gal stirs in hungover slumber.**

Whaa-aaa? I didn't touch a drop last night...well, except for the delictable drops of joose that made it onto my hot little atty. Yep, the A.N.U.S. (Armageddon Nicotine Use System - Patents Pending) sure saw a lot of use last night. Poor A.N.U.S. is still leaking joose all over my pants...

But since I didn't drink any booze last night, nor lick any bufo toads...why does my head feel so bad this morning?

** Ciego rummages in his pack, seeking aspirin, a bottle of water and a granola bar. Sadly, all he finds is a torn thong and a pocket .....


willow. **

Aw, crap. Oh, now I remember. I think I fell off that stoopid dock 54 times. My best thong is *rruined*. This is a real bummer; Mini_Art embroided the International Blind Pedestrian Symbol right over the Happy Pouch...now the blind guy stick figure is missing his stick...looks like this thing got chewed up by possums... Gawd, the furry little critters even bit off the blind stick guy's head! And Lord! What's that *smell?*

** Ciego continues to rummage in his pack...**

Chewing gum. Check.
Bosnian Ticklers (the French ones were too expensive). Check.
Small can of Crisco.... check.
Socks....check...
Machete...OUCH! Aw crap.... check...
80 kilovolt stun gun....BRRrrrrrrrrzap! - Aw, crap! Ouch! (but hey... I'm thinkin' ULTRA HV PV....)
Dental floss...check.
Mental floss...check
Dental dams....check (don't go into the .....

willows without these, bucko...)

But no granola bar, no water...and worse, no aspirin. Oh...my head.

** Ciego pulls the hood of his custom-tailored monk's robe over his throbbing head...yeah, that one... and rolls over behind the wild rose bush to take a nap.**

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

**Novella chapter 69 subchapter.... uhm..... (lost count)

HyOnLyph, with stainless steel Starbuckin coffee mug with the spill proof lid.... in one hand and PV in t'uther steps out onto the porch, right on past the rockychair... down what's left of the split wood steps and stumbles on over t' the cascading stream. Plants his .... uhm..... backside...... on his "speshul rock", put there by th' good Lord, jus' for him t' sit on n gently settles his bare feet into the cool swirly water. The blood flows. The brain seems to come alive a little more than before. There's just somethin' bout moving water. The flow. Blood seems to sync with the stream n churn n brighten th' thinkin'. ahhhh!!! The "speshul rock"..... the place of the song, peace, musing, vaping n pondering n seekin'. Sometimes the place of lookin' fer the reasons..... but the reasons aren't the reason .... fer the rock ... the rock just "is" .... no reasonin' about it.

Some days, Hy dispises his own mental gyrations n scenario playin', lookin' for the reasons..... today he vows.... No reasons, he just "is". "Clear the mechanism".... Flashes of internal lightning.... rolls of mental thunder...then stillness.... Hy stands and walks out inta the water.... coffee cup still in hand (n pv back on the rock) just plops it (his ummm.... self) .... right down in the middle... the current isn't near strong enough to carry him anywhere... so he ain't "flowin'" with the flow.... so to speak..... but it's the spirit of the thing dammit. Today... he IS. One with the "Is-ness"..... or the "I Am-ness" ..... zenish.... so t' speak.

After a few minutes, Hy looks over to the "speshul rock" put there by the good Lord hisseff jus fer him t' sit on... A scruffy lil quirrel has climbed up and is sniffin' the pv..... turns n stares at the preacherman right in the eye.... as if t' say.... "you look kinda stoopid just sittin' there in the middle of our stream. Ya aint got the good sense th' Lord gave a grape." [heavy sigh] .... moment's over.... takes a sip o coffee.... gets up ... soaked t' th' bone.... n heads on over t'ord th' lean2. Yep moment's over.. But hey...... he still "IS" and he knows it..... fer now anyways.

YouTube - ‪Clear the Mechanism‬‏

YouTube - ‪Mechanism Failure‬‏

well done my good and faithful servant.....................dat be what the good Lord would say bout that there post by the Preacherman Hy


Amen and Amen

BTW................I "IS" too

*Bonniegirl had taken the morning constitutional and done all the errands and fetched all of the needed supplies except the cream as the sweat that dripped down the mole with the wirey hair and off the ski slope of a chin and down the zippered path to the bosom had filled so that it caused a new pathway down the armpit and into the crevice of the elbow and down the arm and the ink had smeared and caused all sorts of confusions. She couls see the "C" but nuttin else and .........well, her head was unfuzzied with the missin of the Ms Walkerin and she could not remove the cobwebbings to figure what it was she missed. Would be coffee like Auntie Ms now......straight up with no milky creaminess to it. The walk home was "ODD." Preacherman Hy had wet his pants and for the life of Bonniegirl she had never seen an incontinent Preacher. Shame what age can do, she thought. She had passed a monk all covered and was a bit "ascairt uh dat dare bouncyin man affer me" and when she picked up pace El Ciego had whistled that familiar whistle and stuck his white stick out to poke her hiney. She was unamused with his shenanigans as usual. He was covered in ........


willows and his monks cloak was soiled of raspberries and possum posse droppings. Yes, the walk was eventful but she had more important things on her mind. First, the bouncer from the pub and second the where-a-bouts of Jelly Man. Had he slipped like Jelly outta the hidey hole or worse.......abducted by some competitive bike shop to steal his plans for the new General lee Hidey Hole Huffy? These worries were to be put on the back burner as the familiar crack of the Ms Walker cap was released as soon as the cabin door was opened and the wheels settled upon the ground from the movement of the steps. Bonniegirl mumbled to herself and to the Ms Walker........as usual.*

Well heddo dare ya fahn lookin piece of wunerfulness. Ya bees a smellin uh some fahn wunerfulness.

*Bonniegirl took a long draw and smiled and belched a foghorn kinda sound and patted her chest with relief.She then took another large swig and rinsed her mouth to enjoy the taste and repeated. Much like shampoo , rinse and repeat............Bonniegirl repeated cause after all she "IS."

Pass the popcorn please......................let's see if Jelly man rolls in

*Bonniegirl stumbles out of the bed.............literally................onto the floor.................awww crap..............OMG(Not the joose) she is begining to sound like Ciego! Oh the magical mystery of the Ms Walker! Her mind filled with familiar cobwebbings of the hazy, misty Walkerin kind, she mused over the past evening and remembers a little car whizzin by and two dudes cheerin and talkin about vapin pizza and sardines............she knew that was the magical mystery memory of the Ms Walker kind..........that coulda never happened at the Hidey Hole in Fishigan U. S. of A. Nor should it ever. Why there was enough odors of foulty around these parts already and just as she thunked it ...........a loud gas escaped from her back quarters and she waved her hand around to dissipate it. Her curlers were strewn round the bed and onto the floor and while she was low and at their eye level, she scooped them up and put them in the bottom of the housedress and made a curler hammock to carry them. Now, this was a grand idea in theory, but..........that left the one hand playin the hammocks tree and the other hand the only one to do the liftin of the body offa the floor. What a quandry. A good and just woman needed her curlers in case someone ever said, "hey, Let's go to such and such or a Doctor was coming or worse, a funeral. Yes, the curlers were a necessity but how to get up? While sitting on the floor she noticed some things not usually seen. First, a joose bottle had fallen outta the bed and when it did, it rolled all the way across the cabin on wheels. Bonniegirl made a mental note aloud to her self.......as usual*

Gone tah hasta git dat dare jellyin man tah be pumpin dat dare slow leakin tahr up. Dat be messin wid dat dare levelin an all

*While seated next to the bed she learned that the many dust bunnies she saw last time she fell into the cabin..........by no fault of her own, as the door jamb had lifted with the humidity........well, the dust bunnies had reproduced so quietly and there was a quite large extended family and she chuckled at the fact that they were prolly inbred. She also noticed a mouse hole beneath the cracker tin which accounted for the missing crackers and also the black dust in the cornmeal and she was a bit disgusted at the thought of her cornmeal being the mouse outhouse. She thought...........again.............about poor Preacherman Hy and the incontinence and the wet drawers and felt sorely for him being unable to make it to the outhouse..well them prostates were like that..............closin and openin when they wanted rather than when mens wanted them to. She knew better than anyone about them "peein prolems"...........LOL or sneeze and she woulda looked jest like that Preacherman had she not taken them depends. She depended on depends. Her old nasty Grandmoms words entered her mind............"Cleanliness is next to Godliness." She wondered how her Grandma knew anything about what was close to God cause she never saw her enter a church but she sure swatted hers and her sisters bottoms with a wooden spoon to make them go to Sunday go to meetin every week.........Hell or High water..........Bonniegirl and her two sisters walked across the grasshopper and cricket and mouse field to get to the little Methodist church up on the hilltop and all sang like funeral dirges and one could participate in the worship blind and deaf as each week was the same.........Sittin, prayin, standin, collectin monies in the plate *and they sure got mad when ya took instead of gave, but that is for another time* after the collectin, the same dirge..."Praise God from whom all blessings flow" and then after the monotone hymn everyone sat and listened to how God wanted us all to give to him *In the collection plate*. After the sermon all rose, said the Doxology about believin in the Catholic Church, the Communion of Saints and Bonniegirl had always wondered why they weren't all just Catholic if that is what we said we believed. A quick benediction and FREEDOM! This was the time that all the church ladies gathered outside to discuss the covered dish supper and who wore what and who did what with who's husband. This was the most interesting part of the Church School for Bonniegirl. She hung around the elders and listened. After a nice trip down memory sufferin lane, Bonniegirl decided there was one way and one way only to get outta this pickle of being on the floor and not being able to get up..............she hollered out.........*

Hey dare ya'll.............Dis Cheer bees yer Bonniegirl and eye bees a fallin an I cain't git up!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Bonniegirl made a mental note to get herself that C Everett Koop sponsored "Lifeline" cause this here was horrid..........simply horrid.*

Pass the Popcorn please?..................Who will hear her and help her up?

The wolf was on her quilt laid up next to the barkolounger with her pookie bear betwixt her paws. As she laid on her back she heard something faint from the other side of her dream walk. She turned on her side, stretching out kinks from a long night, still hazy from coming to. Then she hears it again, a little clearer but still muddled a bit. She forces herself up, moving her head groggily, ears twitching in all directions until she settles on one then ventures in that direction.

A little back story plays in her head about the time she had lost her hearing temporarily from a bad infection. She wasn't able to hear for two and a half months because the medication wasn't working against the infection. It happened during the peak of her interest in guitar and she quickly became depressed until she discovered she could shove the horn of the guitar into her neck and still "feel" the sound well enough to play. When her hearing came back, it had come back more sensitive and is part of the reason she mostly did on her own. Too much sound, like that of large crowds and she becomes overwhelmed.

A bit of time passes as she follows the trails that wind in and about the trees. She catches scents and see's old bottles, footsteps. "Almost there" she thinks to herself, running as fast as her four paw drive would allow.

She finally makes it to the source of all the ruckus and outcry. A fairly aged structure that seemed to have a life of it's own. She peeks around cautiously, "HELLO?, Ms Bonnie?" she calls out.

((Anyone out by Bonnie's that is responding to her calls for aid will notice a female with longish hair in dark denims, piercings, and a leather jacket, but she seems familiar. If you happen to really look into her eyes they are similar to something you've seen before, you swear it.))

** Ciego extricates himself from the .....

willows and stumbles in the general direction of Miss Bonnie's rolling home. **

BonnieGirl, are you alright? I'm comin' baby, just hang on!

** Hears the Mighty Mouse theme in his head...."Here I come to save the day!" **

** He takes a wrong turn, stumbles over an empty OMG bottle, stumbles again, flails, weaves into the untamed rose bush, catches a whiff of something that smells like F.S.U.S.A. Parmesan juice, stumbles again, wanders out on the dock and.... Sploosh!**

(Gurgling) Aw, crap!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

KBV Novella Chapter 69, sub chapter ummm..... stardate 32.143.9 uhmmmm....[heavy sigh]
**preacherman Hy stops his typin' n talkin' n such n removes his headset.... inclines his hear t'ord the open ..... ummmm..... well...... the...um open wall .... of the lean2..... "hmm thought I heeerd sumpin'.... sumpin' skweely n skwaaky...." The noise drifts across the hidey hole from the direction of the dock. It becomes louder and clearer as ol' Ciego comes crawlin' up outa the lake ... a cussin' and a sputterin' .... clamourin' n a spewin' n a cussin'..... did I say a cussin'?..... yeah cuz it was mostly cussin'.... n sputterin'.**

Says t' hisseff "Dang Ciego, are ya ever gonna learn? Welp, I guess I better get up n see if he's OK." Walks out onto the porch, down the deesintigratin' steps.... across the fallen trees what he uses as a bridge across the casading stream..... t'ords the fire n over t' the water's edge.... Ciego's on all fours.... a spittin' now, more than cussin'.... n breathin' deep to catch his breath. Preacher leans over t'offer Ciego a hand.... but hears more hollerin'....

"Bonnie?? BONNIE, y'all raht?" Preacher heads out t'ord her ..... um.... cabin. Gets there just in time t' see a she-wolf at the door (not Wolfatthedoor) bashin' in n leapin' on Bonnie like she was goonna eat 'er or sumpin'. "Dang... left the 20 ga. leanin' in the lean2.... Where's my Makarov when I needs it?" .....looks around for a make-shift club....

(stay tuned Hidey Holers.... I'm thinkin' Bonnie is 'bout t' get ett.... or sumpin')

** The ancient transmitter warms to life, as a figure in a dark trenchcoat and welding safety glasses approaches the microphone....**

Hey studs and buds, this is your man on the microphone, Mike Oxlong coming to you from the Divine 71...yeah, that's right, I said 71... That's 69 with two fingers...

Of Johnnie Walker Red, currently floating a few cubes in my Barney the Dinosaur Travel Muggy...

And speaking of muggy, it's hot and humid here on the shores of Lake Fishigan U.S.A., but the fish are biting. Local rumor says that there are trophies to be had, and this won't be "catch and release," which sort of sounds like my personal dating history, but never mind... Anyway, the hottest species on the lake will be available tonight starting at 7L:00 Eastern time, or as we radio geeks like to say, 2300 UTC. I'm personally hoping to snag a bottle of Hummingbird Nectar, and maybe a bottle of that V-Spot. Now *that's* good fishin', my friends.

Congratulations to LucyBlueBoy, who named KBV's latest species, BFF. BFF captures the classic Bananas Foster, a flavor I first enjoyed in New Orleans at Brennan's Restaurant back in 1972.

The weather forecast is brought to you by Vomit Vapor (TM). Hey kids, if you need to regurgitate that rancid hot dog you just ate, forget sticking your fingers down your throat and instead try Vomit Vapor's newest addition, Prune Drano Weasel. This baby packs a throat hit that only an otolyryngologist could love. Try Vomit Vapor...after this, everything else will taste like heaven.

Okay, weather forecast calls for a high today in the upper 80's, with a ten percent probability of rain. Tonight (surprise, surprise) it will be 69, give or take two fingers..
Tomorrow expect highs in the early hippies, with lows from a tropical dysthymia and some enemic precipitation.

We now return you to the KickBassVapor thread, already in progress....

** The ancient transmitter emits a static sigh, as old vacuum tubes cool, and the lonely radio announcer sneaks out the fire escape door...**

*overhears some of the mumblin' going on abouts as she turns her head her eyes gleam for a quick second from some stray light poking through the holes*

((You see a human female who looks to be in her thirties, clad in denim pants, razor cut green top and a leather jacket with patches. She has several piercings. Her hair is long and straight, appears to be dark brown, but has a golden hue to it in light. She's a bit thicker in build, perhaps the result of having played a bit of soft... ball in her youth. Something about the eyes stands out with her though you're not sure why, otherwise someone different in these parts.))

"You there come on over and help me. It seems she's taken a bit of a tumble. I haven't heard a response from her yet, maybe move her to a place with some air and get her a good lookin's over."

***Medic is on her way back from a long day at the lake. Wow it sure is alot busier with Ciego back. If he fell in the lake once her fell in a hundred times. Suddenly she hears something. On no there is problems with Bonniegirl. Don't worry Bonnie, I am on my way. Suddenly Medic feels hands grabbing at her ankles, uh oh, it is those darn mice (I am in Orlando after all). Somebody get to Bonnie while I get away from Mickey..***

@wolfmenoch.......................hooray for the Novella posts.................Long live the wolf girl with the piercing eyes!

@Medic........................epic post...............Mickey? .............really?...............that is just wrong...........roflmfao

@Hy...............you are amazing..............your sweet spirit is the cornerstone of our precious Novella IMHO

Ciego.................what can I say?..............Mike Oxlong?..............falling off the dock...........again?..............epic, hilarious and well......................aw crap!

Long live the KBV Novella, the one, the ONLY, Novel with many authors who have no freakin idea WTF(Not the joose) they are doing but boy are they doing it *NOT THAT Ciego!*

KBV..............lured us in, Kicked our Bass and took our names!


all I can say is...................

WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciego...............<blush> you flatter me.............The Novella belongs to us all...............I am just a bit more ........ahem........cough.........well, I am a wall texter.................yes, I admit it............but I do have a vivid imagination without any........ahem...............well, no fungi used, so to say and I have 2 lil dogs and a five year old to converse to all day long and while I am not REALLY conversing with ya'll, I do sense that when the words are sent into cyberland that they do end up laying upon yer................ahem.............well, ya hears me. Like I have said before.........all every body really needs is a bit of human contact and a reason to wake up in the morning..............sides the air and the shelter and the vittals and water an all...........and of course a dang good vape joose from KBV.

Hugs to all the truer than true KBVers and long live the Novella.....................in the words of nancy R. Foxeys ex boyfriend with the tiger blood.......................


WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Bonniegirl tosses an empty bean can with the lid pried half open out the cabin on wheels and a rat a tat tat of gas is heard 100 yards around...........she is then seen exiting the cabin waving her hands back and forth in front of her face and mumbling something about digestinin an dat dare gassin an all*

** A whine, a hiss, and the ancient transmitter crackles to life once again, as the trenchcoat-clad figure creeps silently into the studio of KBV Radio, The Divine 69.69 **

Well, well, well...Yep, it's your man on the microphone, Michael B. Oxlong.

Big news around the Hidey Hole on beautiful, bountiful, babe-a-licious Lake Fishigan is that it's clothing optional season, and the flesh is flash. This blind boy has been playing bumper car with the bumpies and boobies, and it's been damn gratifying.

Also in the nude...sorry, one track mind...in the news, KBV's Hidey Hole website has a beautifully-functioning chat room going. If you're hearing this, you are invited. MadDocter2 and sidekook Wolfmemnoch are runnin' the show, and a grand show it 'tis. Some deep conversations going on there today, including one of my favorite topics, sex with the handicapped. Ah! Love with hooks. What a gas.

And speaking of gas, we're hoping our most flatulent weather dame, Bonnie B. Loaded shows up to do the weather one of these months. Talk about dereliction of duty.

And hey kiddies, this man is in serious danger of being guilty of dereliction of booty. I'm heading out to carom off some cucaracha, if you get my drift. Bounce off some boom-booms. Ricochet off some ripe rumps. And eventually end up face-down in the .....





willows. This is Mike Oxlong, The Mouth of the South, the Largest Mouth Bass, signing off.

** A strangled cry is heard as Oxlong bounces off the studio wall on his way through the door, trips down the folding metal stairs outside the studio and winds up face-first in the .....

plants. The ancient transmitter gives one final sigh of static, and is as quiet as the inside of Tut's Tomb.**

***Dalton stands outside the station, monitoring for strange people or bad joose... "Gotta keep that vomit vapor outta here.", he says to himself, pacing back and forth in front of the double doors. Suddenly a rustling in the bushes catches his attention. Stepping over to investigate, he trips and falls right into the ........

willows. "I smell...RY4. Hey Mike!

** Ciego turns and wordlessly hands a 30 ml. bottle of KBV Ry 4 to Dalton, then solemnly passes a gigantic atomizer made from a tuna can, it's coil being a Chore Boy and it's power, A Delco Sure-Flame 1968 vintage 12 volt car battery. **

You first.

((Still in human form))

*she takes a pen to paper and begins to write*

It's kind of weird ain't it? That complete strangers who have never met before could share in a type of love and not be afraid to say it. You're just sort of minding your own when all of a sudden someone says, I love you. Now you don't know this person two licks from asphalt, but it's alright, scary as it is at first.

As you think deeper and begin to rationalize it all, we're not really as far apart as we make ourselves to be. For a complete stranger to show love, express it verbally, says more about that person than you can even begin to really know.

We're all too busy nowadays to even believe we still relate to each other outside of the hive. Too scared to touch, some of us too scared to even live. We're not connected the way we used to be, the way we really are. Our bodies are like little closets around what really makes us, us. When we choose to exist outside of that, well, that's when our ma's high heels and daddy's shaving cream come off. We put the armor on and our masks and venture.

I never did like the masks or being limited by whats inside our closets. And I'll be damned if anyone is going to be fearful when I show them my heart and tell them the love is there for comfort.

*she lets out a sigh*

But I guess sometimes ya just have to wait it out.

*Bonniegirl awakens to the whirl of a whippoorwill and the scurry of mice running from the cracker bin and round the table playing hide and seek, But, none of these noises is more urgent, more intrusive, more “pressing” than the familiar grumbles of the bowels (Not the wheel of fortune kind). The groaning and moaning and the cramping and the stabbing are all there, she knows, to foretell the coming of an explosion, an expulsion, an urgent 911 outhouse visit. Bonniegirl was in no way prepared for an outing, why the brassiere was not even on let alone filled. The bowels howled a more urgent grumble like a wounded critter and she rushed the brassiere puttin and the back flattened moccasins and the curlers missing were thrown aside and the stray hairs patted and tucked beneath the intact curlers. Bonniegirl did a Charlie Chaplinish walk holding the buttocks cheeks together real tight and shuffled out the door to the outhouse. She saw NCLady and Medic, bitsy and wolf but had no time to stop and howdy doo or even wave as her hands were ..ahem.........well, they were full of holding the bowels intact and all. She rushed to the wooden thrones and found door number one had the toes of aubs hangin down..... .sweat beads formed as a cold sweat reveled the coming of some large booms and such. Door number two was ajar and after a quick peek and finding it free she sat in one fell swoop. She mumbled aloud to herself........as usual*

Dat bees a closin one dare.........shooooo ya flies an git ye outa cheer an leavin a womans tah her beeznis

After 45 minutes of thinking time in which she discussed with herself the events of the currents things people been talking of. That there woman what hurt her baby and lied to the police bein not guilty and the big wild fires in other states and the Texas man dyin catchin a ball at a ballgame by flyin over the rail after it was thrown to him by a player and car wrecks and children missin and big mighty financin men takin vantage of hotel maids and no justice cause she ain't squeeky clean............after discussing with herself and shakin her head backwards and forth and being relieved of her pains both physical and in the heart and soul kind....she did the paperworks and was done the job which brought sweat from the “werkins” and her bosom was moist and the wirey mole hair laying limp from the moisture it held. She peeked outside through the moon cutout to check to see if there were any bystanders or smell standers near and none were seen but the gathering over by the firepit. After exiting the outhouse Bonniegirl changed demeanors to the “I don't know nothing bout any smell kinda look”(Don't be LOL, ya'll has did it........that LOOK) and nonchalantly moseyed over toward the cabin and heard a slight cry like a wounded critter near the rose vines. Bonniegirl walked closer and removed some fallen leaves that were finished with their job of shading the hollow and dropped toward their rest. Underneath the leaves and caught in the wild roses, like many had been before, she found a kitten with one eye and most of it's fur gone. It was a calico she believed but was hard to tell if color number three was dirt or skin or a fur. Bonniegirl scooped it up and tucked it in her pocket of the flowered house dress. She mumbled to the kitten in a higher tone like when folks talked to babies or the elderly or those that did not understand english..........it was a sing songy version of her usual voice, and done aloud.........as usual.

Nare ya mindin , now now, I bees a gittin ya sum uh dat fresh warmin meelkin an all an ya bees raht fahn wins I gits dun an all. Dat dare hairin prolem ain't no botherin …......dat bees frum dat dare rottenin rosin bush an all an eat rippin yer furrin an all. I bees a takin carin uh ya, eye wheel.


Pass the popcorn please..............those cracker eatin mice may be in for some trouble!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Novella 69 Chapter 69 an awkward position.........

*boB comes flying down trail # 69 after havin a bit too much coffee and pedals the Pink General Huffy Lee towards the outhouse, he too sees the toes and thinks "geez that must be one hard pogo puzzle" so he pulls up his shirt over his nose (don't laugh Y'all have done it") and proceeds to #2 (the out house not THAT #2)* "Whew that was a close one I almost didn't make it! as he relieves himself" *looks around and sees dead spiders, ants, etc and figures no need to exterminate the outhouses this Summer bonniegirl be doing a fine job (the paint peeling may be an issue though)* ........................................ *as he approaches the fire with the coffee drinkers he asks* ....... "What's with KY (not the jelly)... He's been gone forever and the lights been off in the Jelly Man Bike shop for weeks?"

"boB, says Acthung he's just been working graveyards while you're sleeping ............. said something about scuba and we're wondering if he's going to make us a mod where we can vape while underwater at the Lake" ............. "Hmmmm I see, well be sure and have Dalton keep an eye on things............ last I seen of him he was fiddlin with a tuna can propped up by Mike Oxlong" .................... snails comes along in bathing suit prepared to give swim lessons for the day and overhears things and says "boB doncha be woryin so much, we'll keep an eye on Lake Fishigan you just keep cranking out the joose, the weekends about here and you can relax with us"................ "Yeah I suppose you're right, you got Medic's # in case anything goes wrong at the Lake I best be getting to work, I'll meet Y'all for a chat around 7 tonight to go over the weekend events" ............ *peels out on the Pink General Huffy lee leaving a swirl of dust* (okay maybe that was exaggerated)....................................................

** Ciego awakes in the ..... willows, still wearing the Mike Oxlongtrenchcoat and still holding the giant atomizer of his homemade PV**

Dalton, that wussy-woo-woo. Wouldn't even take a hit of the Ry 4 off my latest invention.

No creative acronyms for this one, he mumbles. Hell, I don't even know why I try. They hated my A.N.U.S., they ignored my P.E.N.I.S. (Personal Electronic Nicotine inhalator System), they stole my freakin' sauna heater. Frightneing.

** Ciego approaches the campfire.**

Gawd!!!! What's that *smell????* (Looks suspiciously toward the outhouse, notes vultures gathering on the outhouse roof). Who died?

Good morning Campfire Cuddlers. Anybody want to try my newest invention?

** Ciego proudly shows the tuna can atomizer with the Chore Boy coils, the heavy power cables leading to a Delco SureFire 1968 12 volt car battery.**

What? No takers? Well, I'll just fire this bad boy up right here.

** Flips a switch....**

<to be continued>

Don't Ciego always be needin a Medic?..............................just sayin.................he does
and he is always falling in the ........


willows!


*ducks from the swinging of the long white stick*

Oh no, Mickey may have to wait today. I think Ciego is going to need a medic real soon....

*HyOnLyph walks over t'ord the fire where folks are gatherin'. "Greetings one and all". Bonniegirl sorta saunters by with a funny look on her face... talkin' t herseff n pettin' her pocket as if she had some imaginary elf hangin' out in there. As she passes the fire, it flares with unique brightness that could only come from uhmmmm residual..... hmmmm..... gaseous waftings ..... As the fire flares, there's a flash with a "FOOOF" of flames and the outhouse bumps straight up about a foot and a half n settles down exactly where it was.... as if nothin' atall had happened. Bonniegirl jus keeps on walkin' with the same funny look n eyes lookin' up n talking to th' elf in her pocket.... stained housedress n all ... never missin' a step. All is silent n everyone pretty much just looks around wonderin' if what happened really happened. Ciego... closest to the outhouse n Bonniegirl snarls, coughs, gags n chokes from some unseen source. "Ciego???? Have you been inventin' an automatic TP roll PV?"

* Ciego looks like he took the brunt of the 'sploshun.... sure glad he didn't fall into the fire again... *

PS..... there is some o folks bidness a preacher needs to stay out of...... thinking this is one o those times.....

***Walkin up to the campfire, Dalton smells an odd combination of fecal matter and old fish... "Mornin!" Seeing Bon leave the outhouse, he figures out where half of the smells are coming from. "OMG!(Not the joose) Mike, did you wash out your atomizer, cuz the smell from that thing is certainly no OMG!(the joose)."***

*Bonniegirl is down at the fish cleanin station collecting entrails which most around Lake Fishigan believe are to train or feed her new friend when she suddenly falls in!* ........ Help! Help! I'z kent swim! I'z gonna drwon!" Medic gets on the loud speaker and says ....... "bonnie please just stand up" upon which bonniegirl does to find the water by the station 3 feet deep "we'll I'z bees darned this here Hiney Hidey Hole bees needin signs by this cheer water"

* Lake Fishigan residents do their best not to LOL (not the joose) while being relived that at least some of the stank has been removed*



*boB's still scratching his head wondering if that was his imagination seeing the out house lift a foot and 1/2 off the ground*

Dalton, replies Ciego, I haven't even really stoked this bad boy up yet. But yeah.... I *think* I washed out the tuna can.

* Sniffs*

Holy Macikrel! Maybe I didn't. This kinda smells like the lower part of that wild rose bush...from the fertilizer, you know...

** Ciego'shead reels as the two aromas, still persisting 4 hours after the original posting... Even the buzzards on top of the outhouse are starting to swoon from nausea...**

Ga-a-a-a-h!

** Suddenly the homemade atomizer begins to glow a threatening red-orange...**

Hot! Hot! Hot!!!

** Ciego, hands now singed, runs off the dock.....again.**

Well, at least I pulled the cables from the thang when I dropped it. Danger averted. But now my hands smell like burnt cod...

*Bonniegirl had a rough night. The new kitten had been frisky all through the night. What was once a febile, weak ball of warmth and bones and a bit of fur, had turned into a clawing, needle toothed finding a good place to rest critter. The kitten had clawed at the blankets and pulled and tugged and patted to make just the right spot. It would rest with a faint purr for a bit and repeat the process over and over. Bonniegirl was perturbed with the sleep disruption, she had never had a bed partner so restless and come to think of it she had never had a bed partner without having had the Ms Walker first and perhaps the Ms Walker had made her less sensitive to the movement of the bed, the claws of the nails and the purring. She figured she would get used to it in time and the kitten would acclimate to its surroundings and be less restless. That kitten was prolly restless from the missin the Momma which affects critters and humans alike. Before bed last night, Bonniegirl had a discussion with herself as to what to name this new housemate.........ahem..........cabinmate........cough........trailermate. She had a serious mind fogging and no name seemed right but when the kitten had batted its paw at the wirey hair on the face mole, Bonniegirl yelled “....., STOP THAT!” And so, the naming had happened, not because of suggestions or names in a book or any other reason cept it came natural. ..................................................seemed fitting and was unusual. If her trailermate had strayed or was out “cattin around” she could yell, .....!!!! Bonniegirl had thought of all the reasons she would be using the name and well, ..... had seemed most fitting. ....., come eat, ..... come in, ..... go out, ..... come here. YES, ..... it was. Folks would say, “here comes Bonniegirls ......” She hoped that ..... wasn't a boy kitten as he may not take nicely to the naming but like the.........well, that was for another day. She had checked the underneath parts and tried to see if it was a boy or a girl and was befuddled. Those “parts” looked nothin like any “parts” she had seen before but she looked none-the-less. (Don't LOL, Ya'll has checked new kittens and puppies underneath parts and guessed) ..... may have been a restless sleeper but she was a fine companion. She listened with her ears perked and watched her with the one eye as she shuffled around the cabin. Hopefully, one day soon, ..... would rid the cabin of the rodent cracker eatin, corn meal outhousin, bothersome scurryin mice around the cabin and make the grocery bill less. There was the problem of what to feed ...... She had gone down to the dock to fetch some fish entrails and that had served but ..... smelled........cough.........well, her ..... had smelled of fish! There had to be a less offensive smelling food and today she would find it as Bonniegirl could not have a ..... that smelled of fish. She went about her morning coffee boiling and shared the cream with ..... and set about dressing, brassiere filling, moccasin slippin on and tucked ..... in her pocket and headed out toward the outhouse for her thinking time and mumbled to herself and to the best listener, ....., and did so aloud in that sing songy, talkin to a a baby kinda tone............as usual.*

"Now Now ya stays puttin een dare .....in, we bees a goin to the outin house an doin are thenkins and are paperworkins an den we bees a fahndin sumfin tah be a feedin ya what dohn bees a smellin lahk fishin an all.........now stays dare er ya wheel falls outta dare an hit cheer haid an all an be a hurtin yeself an all an dat dare Medic..... she bees gottin dem big pitch forkin needlins tah bees a gibben wins ya fall an dat bees a bad fang what cin a happenein tah ya. Now Now ..............ya bees a perty ones an all."

*Bonniegirl passed Medic and a few other fisherfolk and waved a howdy do as the urgency had not called her bowels to be in an uproar today although the winds from her tunnel was soundin the beat of her walkin the whole way to the outhouse. Door number one was Aubs toesies and Bonniegirl wondered if she had been there all this time or had the same “thinkin” schedule she did. Door number two had a Pink General Huffy Lee bike leaned up to the side and two long clown sized feets was a hangin and some mumblings was heard about labels and IRCs and techno ......s and priority mail and a lot of the word that rhymes with duck was strung together about a stealin of some gooey butter cake. Bonniegirl leaned against a big oak tree to wait her turn and hoped that urgency did not repeat itself as the winds had increased."


Pass the popcorn...................hope everything comes out alright!

Missy..........................dat dare ain't Bonniegirls .......................hers is a calico.................three colors.............brown, grey and .........ahem.................well...............bare spots!


I wuv you most of all but I do not like that you keep on with the "likes" cause ya knows I do not like the "likes" even though I do like you and I like your posts but I never "like" your posts cause I do not like the "likes." Now................ahem..........most have complied cause they like me enough to know I don't like the "likes" but why do you insist on liking to "Like" me?

as you were..........................whew.

Let's just agree that we all like Bonniegirls ..... and be done with it!

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Novella 69 Chapter 69 ..... ate right.......................

boB figures with the fish entrails bonniegirl collected for it while copping a squat in the out house*............. he sees sees feet from under the door and starts to pucker (not from a vape and don't laugh Y'all have done it) "courtesy flush out of the question (another one Y'all have done) he tries to figure out a way of removing the pungent odor before opening the door. "Hmmmmm the hand sanitizer........... maybe if I vaporized that it may destroy the odor" boB dabs the bridge into the overly thick liquid of an old atty and fires it up while blowing on it as opposed to inhaling (thank God for the 306) "Ah the smell of alcohol bonniegirl will feel right at home"

*figuring this is going so well boB really saturates the bridge of the 306 and cranks up the voltage and poof! flash fire hits and singes his bangs* "darn no mirror in here to see how bad that is but between the smell of evaporated hand sanitizer and burnt hair bonniegirl should feel at home" ....... *finishes his paperwork and goes out to greet Ms Bonniegirl* "Heya Bahn how re ya?" "I'z bees okay....... how's yous bees likin mys ....." "Well bonnie maybe we could get her a glass eye .............. your ..... smells like fish too" ......... "yeah well it was a stervin yesterday and needed eatin so I'z went down to des lake and got her some fish entrails twos eat .......... I'z won't be doin tat chair anymore causin my ..... woke up smellin bad" .............. "speaking of smellin bad this cheer outhouse bes smellin okay this mornin did you install air freshner?" ......... "uh ......ah.... yes I did bonnie" he says as he walks away figuring he avoided an awkward situation before he hears ............. "Bee oh be what happen to your hair?"..................................................................

Howdy Hidey Holers.............was out this eve on a date with the Latin lover and went to beautiful Cape May NJ and watched the beautiful sunset, flag lowering ceremony, National Anthem by Coast Guard band, taps and then off to a dockside dinner of seafood and wine. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I needed that. I had a woman rise from her table and come over to ours to inquire of my "wonderful smelling smoke." After a quick e-cig tutorial and an explanation of KBV and stating the flavor, Butter Pecan ice cream.........the look on her face was priceless when she said, "You are smoking ice cream?" She really thinks it was ice cream it smelled so authentic. She was a non-smoker and wanted to know if you could burn it in a candle burner! She loved my aroma. Glad she did not know about .....!
Now I am back to reality and home......... back to my Grandsons fart noises and Lola eating all things inedible, the Chihuahua trying to procreate with Lola but he has a belly band on (IDK why they call it a belly band, it covers his makin puppies parts) and the NEWS! UGH, what is more depressing than the news.........I want the weather report and sports and they are saved for after the deaths in accidents, fires and abuse............one channel tried Happy News here and it lasted 2 weeks, people don't care about kindness, acts of selflessness and special kids doing special things. I am just thinking that I should have paused the night after I heard taps and all would have been pleasant. Life is so sad sometimes..............glad I can escape to the hidey hole and become an ugly old drunk woman with marbles in her mouth that has mishaps, misfortune and is just happy to be alive. I just wish she would not drink so much and her ..... did not smell fishy!

Nitey all and I won't forget the prayers.............don't forget me and mine in yours!

Bonniegirl had a bit better night with her ...... Sure, her ..... still smelled of fish but it was less offensive. The critter owners had all weighed in (Not their size weighing) on the proper nutrition for a ..... and all agreed that ..... needed care and maintenance and a lot of water to keep it healthy and help the bush.........ahem.......the fur grow better. Bonniegirl was not so interested in the fur growth as the smell. She had given ..... a good douching.........ahem...........dousing of cleaning last night and ..... hated water. All went fairly well except for the claw marks on her face, the arms and one thigh. ..... had jumped outta the tub of soapy water and had wet the floor which was not a bad thing as it needed a good elbow greasin scrub anyway. With her ..... clean, she dressed and filled the brassiere with the necessities of the day *okay, I will spare ya but there is a few new additions.....Butter rum Pecan cream ice cream joose and stargazer too and pooper scooper bags for her ......* The moccasins stepped into and the housedress on and ..... in the pocket and off she shuffled to the outhouses for her daily ritualistic thinking routine. As she stepped out the door, the cabin swayed a sigh for her leaving and rocked a bit which reminded her the tires needed some filling and the cinder blocks may not hold much longer as back-up and Jelly man was gone and MIA(Not a joose...YET???) Bonniegirls ..... was hankerin to get out of the clothes but needed to stay put and a good grip of the top of the pocket assured no ..... sightings. Many had gathered by the campfire to drink coffee, vape, gossip, describe their new catches, brag about the ones that got away and their various lures used and such but Bonniegirl sensed an urgency to get the thinking done, the paperwork finished and off to find something less foul for her ...... This fish smelling ..... could not wash away or wish away and she was desperate for a non-fishy ..... as people may talk, as they always did, about these sort of things. Smelly ....., car wrecks, serious illness, STDs(Hope to God not a joose) were all fodder for “rubber necking” and gossip. Door number one was full and had the toes of Aubs hangin down and swingin once in a while..........HHHmmmm she thought, still there or same thinkin schedule? Door number two was free but had been maligned by more than a smelly ....., this was a decaying chum bucket or worse........a death! Perhaps someone had died in there and fell in? The smell was too much for the fish smelling ..... and she leaped out of the pocket, under the door and ran like the rabbit at the dog races under the ........

willows and over the wild roses and all the thorns and was gone in the thick brush. Bonniegirl came runnng out of the outhouse with drawers half up and half down and screamed in her usual mumbly voice with the volume at full blast to herself and anyone in hearing distance.........as usual.........*

.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Fishy smellin .....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya gits back cheer dis mineet..........ya ees gonna bees a gittin yerself inta a lotta troublin wid me an all............HEP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Fishy smellin ..... done runned away and I cain't fahndin her. She bees a calicoin one an all an she smellin lahk fish..............Fishy .....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya gits back cheeer this meenit.............Boo and Hoo and anudder booin fer a good measurin, what cin eye bees a doin widout mah fishy smellin .....? Hep me.....somebunny hep me...........

Pass the popcorn please............... should be easy to follow the scent of where this is going!

Bonniegirl lost her fishy smelling ........
cat. Is that a bad thing?????

Wow good question! They make a thing I think it's called a "wonder bar" that is just a piece of SS that you rub on your hands to remove fish odor, I wonder if rubbing one on bonniegirl's ..... would make it go away?? Honestly a SS sink works just as well on your hands I've tried it after cleaning fish, I don't have a ........


cat so IDK if it would work.
Wonder Bar Odor Removing Bar

Good morning/afternoon Hidey Hole people!

Vaping the V-spot this morning and loving every puff. Good job Bob and Missy on this one...very, very tasty.

Huge storms blew through here last night, intense but brief. I lost a few shingles from my 2 year-old roof, no big deal to fix.

** Ciego hauls out the extension ladder....*

UH Ciego !!! Hmmm , wonder if he has a big ..... .... willow patch to fall into ?

I sure hope so .........................

*Bonniegirl had shuffled all over the Hidey Hole in Fishigan U. S of A. and felt as though she had trudged a hundred miles. Her dogs were howling and the shuffle of the moccasins had caused a rub blister on both bunions. They blisters were filled like water balloons and her vocal cords were severely strained. Most folks were helpful but many out on the Highway had looked at her with an “ODD” curiosity as she was hollering..........She could not for the life of her understand what was so “ODD” about lookin for your ..... and asking people if they seen your ...... One man said he would like to for “kicks and giggles” and she was befuddled how looking at her new friend could give someone a kick. People were just plain “ODD.” As the sun was going down last night she returned to the cabin on wheels and leaned against the steps and the cabin swayed a bit and groaned at the weight it needed to bear and she heard a tiny meow and there was her .....! She had roamed and then come home to the cabin. Bonniegirl fetched her ..... with a swooping motion and tickled her with her forefinger.........the wind teller....and ..... purred. ..... liked being tickled with the finger and it was obvious. What was also quite obvious was that while the ..... was catting around, she had found her own dinner and it was definitely in the seafood section of the menu. ..... still smelled fishy! Oh how the fish odor was so........well......ahem, it was fishy. Fishier than fishy..........It smelled of smelt that had lay in the sun and festered and the ..... reeked! Bonniegirl took a toothbrush and loaded it with soda for baking and a tad of water and commenced the fight of her life to clean her ...... Howling and scratching and three gashes later the ..... was no cleaner, no less malodorous , no less offensive than before. Now, the cuts, scratches and claw punctures were for naught. The night was restless and hot with the towel wrapped around her face and nose and the cabin was full of the dust of the entire contents of the soda for baking sprinkled around the cabin. Now that it was morning, at least Bonniegirl could air her ..... out and get some fresh air for herself. After the morning rituals she headed out toward the outhouse and skipped the coffee as the outhouse had been calling her by way of the bowels (Not the wheel of fortune kind) and so this trip of airing the ..... must be quick.
After a quick shuffle and a quick wave to the coffee drinking fisherfolks, she arrived at the half moon doors and found Aubs in door number one with toes a swingin and a humming a tune about bubbles and birds and who knew what else. Door number two was ajar and Ciego was just exiting and Bonniegirl had no time for long explanations of his latest inventions and stood still like a scarecrow and hoped his white stick would not reach and poke her and she would go unnoticed. Seems those without sight had finer tuned senses and Ciego said aloud.........”OMG( and he did not mean the joose) WTF (He were not talkin of joose here either) is that rancid smell? Smells like a ….....*well, we will leave this part out as it contained some of Ciegos personal past and he does THINK he is alone.....I think*........Bonniegirl slipped into door number two, turned the wooden block to latch the door shut and sat for her thinking and made sure to hold the pocket tight to prevent her fish smellin ..... from runnin away and repeating the events of yesterday. As she was finishing the paperwork, she heard the familiar sound of the card and raccoon tail of the pink General lee Huffy and knew that was Bobs feet under the door doing the two step shuffle back and forth and for the sake of being mannerly, Bonniegirl rushed out to allow Bob to do his thinking. He was in a rush and Bonniegirl figured he had lots of paperwork to do what with making labels and running from his desk to Missys back and forth all day. Not a howdy do or a hey was heard as he had sweat running down his face and Bonniegirl shook her head back and forth and wondered where had common manners and civility gone. She soon learned where. An explosion of none she had heard at any fireworks display commenced and Bonniegirl spoke to herself and her ....., aloud, as usual.............*

Dat dare bees some raht nastyin gassin dare ...... Dat bees worser den yer bref an all. Now lissen cheer, ya ain'ta bees a eetin no moe uh dat dare fisyness an all cuz ya ain't fahn tah beein roun. Cheer me? No moe dat fishynessin. Cheer?

Bonniegirl and her smelly ..... went down the lane away from the worse fumes and back to the cabin to boil the coffee grounds.

Pass the popcorn please................wonder how Bob is doing with his paperwork this morning?

Peter R. Puny had a very nervous night after checking the schedule and finding that Mike Oxlong was to be replaced with that “ODD” Bonniegirl today for the weather and fishing report. He had changed his boxers three times before leaving his dank basement apartment due to what he called “swap ....” a bad case of the sweat traveling down his hairy back and into the crack going to the swamp. He was now at the station KBV 69.69 on the dial and awaiting air time in 20 minutes. He planned to use this time wisely. He had not eaten except for a small energy drink and prepared paper bags for the breathing to prevent hypo ventilating and a nearby bucket for the severe nausea which may or may not produce the contents of last nights bender. Just as he was doing his meditative exercises taught to him by his new therapist, Dr. I. M. Looney, his ears perked to a familiar shuffling sound and the heart rate rose to 180 beats per minute. “Here goes nuttin” he thought to himself.” The door was thrust open with a heave and in walked the curler wearin, flowered housedress adorning, mole with the wire stickin out of it, excuse for a woman which in his mind , made a mockery of proper reporting and had no business being here. WHY had Bob let that nice Nancy R. Foxey go? OK, sure she didn't know a hill of beans about weather and didn't even know a thing about fishing but she was nice, not a bit grumpy and she sure was easy on the eyes. He hears the voice that sounded like a mumbly chalk on the blackboard and saw the face that stopped a train right in it's tracks and shivered......

Hey dare soundin man.....how mucha tahm wees gots till we bees goin on dah air an all?

*Peter announced “5 minutes to air.” He did so with an air of professional authority and a few deep breaths. Dr. Looney had told him to “own his words.” He intended to own them. He then stammered his prepared “owned words.” ahem......”I ain't gonna be puttin up with no shenanigans, no breaks after only five minutes on air and I sure ain't gonna be readin your work whilst you be a drinkin from a bag covered bottle either. There will be no alcohol in the booth and no smoking.” He was prepared for a good reaming out and sat with his eyes squinted awaiting the responses. There was no response as she was feeding a little, half haired, scrawny kitten some milk out of a little tuna can and the smell of fish became offensive. He then decided to “own” a few more words as the last he “owned” went so well. “Also, the station rules say no pets are allowed within the building unless they are service dogs.” He then squinted his eyes and raised his shoulders and turned his head like a child knowing the hickory stick was coming. No sticks, no stones, nothing to break his bones.......Cause there were no words! He then hollered, “Bonniegirl! Did ya hear me? She then replied in her usual marble filled mouth kinda way..............

Hey dare, ain't no reasonin tah be a shoutin an ackin lahk dat, cain't ya see dis cheer ..... bees a needin sum milkin an all an eye bees a feedin er? Now, take dis cheer ..... an watchin ober her whys eye bees a doin me jobbin an all.

Peter R. Puny now had not only a crazy woman to deal with but her smelly ..... too! He wondered how much more a man could take. He was literally locked in a small room with a crazy woman with a fish smellin ..... and he had to be there to assure the weather and fishing report got a good sound.............he sighed, he sweated and most of all he did his breathing like Dr. I. M. Looney taught him but he thought that there was not enough breathing or drugs in the world to relieve his anxiety over this reporter and her smelly ......

Pass the popcorn...............this here weather report should be good....stay tuned to KBV radio 69.69 on your dial.

** The trenchcaot wearing, mysterious figure carefully tunes the old Collins radio set, carefully weeding out the squeals, hiss and hetrodyning, until he centers the tuning indicator at 69.69, KBV Radio**

Oh gawd... that Peter Plucker or whatever his name is just announced that Bonnie-whats-her-name is going to return to do the weather and fisting...er, fishing report. How can he inflict that kind of pain on the loyal listeners of KBV Radio? Oh wait...that's not hetrodyning squeal...it sounds like...a cat!?

** Oxlong paces back and forth in front of the 73 pound radio set built during the Second World War and grimaces. **

A station the quality of KBV Radio should aspire to a higher standard of quality. They need someone with deep, resonant vocal tones and an Official Certificate of Completion from the Marconi Broadcasting Correspondence School, both of which *I* possess, not some Cajun lady with bacon strips down the back of her house dress. Or are those Rear Admiral stripes?

** He paces again, waiting for that Bonnie-thing to begin her assault on the tender ears of the Hidey Holers....**

Aw, crap....er, I mean....drat!

JELLY MAN SIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop the presses, THE one, THE only Royal Highness of Jelliness is among us!

** A lone figure climbs cautiously to the top of the sauna building, now deserted, and listens to the soft sounds rising from around the campfire.

He is dressed in the traditional suit of the Ninja, his face cowled in a black hood with only his pond-scum colored eyes showing. The tight-fitting suit of black silk is completed with a pair of silent-soled black tabi boots. **

Ojh... Nandeska?

** Smiling to himself behind the black mask, the ninja listens as Bonnie Girl tries to sooth her malodorous .....


cat with its missing eye and fetid breath. **

Oh hello kitty.

** He makes up his mind to save the poor creature from a life in a hrolling combination Air Stream, outhouse and circus wagon...the home of BonnieGirl. **

Wise ninja master told me that the Buddha always proclaimed... a woman with a rear-facing racing racing stripe cannot be trusted to keep clean her sacred .....


cat. The Master is wise. The Buddha was wise in all thing. I must save the poor dirty .....

cat from further humiliation at the hands of She Who CCannot Stop Drinking.

** The ninja figure moves silently to the edge of the roof and prmptly falls off, landing face first in the .....

willows.**

Aw, clap.

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

*Bonniegirl cleared her throat , peeked above the plexiglass of the radio booth to check her ..... and saw Peter R. Puny kick at her ..... with the side of his foot as ..... tried to unlace his scuffed 30 year old pointy toed shoes. Her blood boiled and she could not take it. NO MAN would lay a hand or a foot on her precious ..............she lifted herself and the contents of her brassiere in one fell swoop and rushed out the door to the sound room and mumbled a very loud warning......*

Dontcha bees a puttin yer feets near tah dat dare .............Dat bees ..... abusin an eye bees a talkin tah dem dare s.p.seein folks. Dat dare ..... ain't done no harmin tah ya. Fact ees dem dare shoeylacins yah gots dare bees old as dirt an all an ya bees a needin new ones anyhows. Dey is frayed an ain't eben gots no ends on em..dey bees a layin in a tasslein an all an what ya spect dat dare poor ..... tah bees a thenkin? I wheel cet yer haid off if'n ya teches mah ..... gin, cheer me? Besta bees cheerin me now for ya ain't got no brain uh what leff uh yer pea sized haid an all!

*Bonniegirl had done a good finger wagging and a good finger waving and even a cut your throat kinda motion just in case he was hard of hearing. The charades was always a good back-up when a person wanted to get their point across. She then saw a sweaty, bug eyed Peter R. Puny raise 5 fingers and count.............in 5............4.............3.............2.............1 and she began her weather reportin and fishin reportin like she was scheduled to do, all the while keeping her right eye on Peter to assure the safety of her ...... Sure, her ..... smelled fishy but there was no need to kick it. Wash it, yes, Kick it? NO!...............*

Hey dare ya fahn Hidey Hole in Fishigan U. S of A, dis cheer bees the soundin uh KBV radioin an dis cheer bees duh wedder reportin. Now dis cheer bees Bonniegerl brangin dis tah ya........well, dis cheer morning dat wind tellin fingerin tells dat dare ain't not one bref uh air on dat fingerin tellin we dat eat gonna be a raht humidin day bet lesser dan yesty. Dat wooder bees lahk glass tahday an ya'll cin feels safe an all tah bees goin on dat Lake widout yer motorin an savin da gas cause yah cin jest row a bit an all cause dare ain't no worrryin fer dah windins.

*a loud gas exploded and Bonniegirl attempted a cough to cover the noise unsuccessfully and Peter R. Puny shook his head side to side. That side to side head shaking was something Bonniegirl brought out in people. She went on with the broadcast without missing a beat except for the double quad sound of the gas*

Now dis cheer mornin eye bees a seein dat dat dare maplin tree has hees leavins pointin tah duh groundin an dat meanin dat we bees seein some thunderin and mebee sum lightnin later dis ebenin. Mah arthur-itis bees a painin in dem knees sews dat bees a shureness dat …......

*She takes a long draw on the PV of some finely aged OMG(Yes the joose) and a good long draw from the bagged bottl she carried in with her, tissued her mouth with the sleeve of the housedress and applied cherry chapstick (Hey, vaping makes yer lips dry and Katy Perry could show up!)*

Now dem dare flordy folksis gonna bees asweatin day selfes tah duh def cause dat be raht humidin an all an dey gonna bees seein a lots uh sun an glarin. Dem dare farmerins en dat alybama gonna bees over hundert deegreesins Dare bees rainins comin en dat dare norfwest uh duh unitey skates an duh unly place what gonna bees a bit coolin bees in duh souf uh californy. Dare bees sum lightenin and funder stormin en dat dare Minnysodain an dat udder state what bees raht unner eat bet eye bees a forgettin what dey bees a callin eat. Dat bees duh wedder en the whole Kuntry, dis cheer bees yer localin in meezoo what Fishigan bees een. Duh norfeastn uh duh statin bees habin some showerin bet duh rest bees a sizzlin uh hot jest lahk dat dare hellin an all. a loud burp is expelled now dis cheer bees whud dat dare farmerin almynackin says bout dis cheer plantin an sowin. Tahday bees a bestin day fer casteratin yer livestockin and dat moon bees nahnety seben precent fullin an dat full moonin prolems bees still wid us an folks what gits looney on the mooney bees looney steel. Now ain't no timin fer plantin eider. Plants put in dah groundin all wills dyin an all. Waitin fer dat fourteenf fru dat sixteenf tah plantin dem dare rootin begebles. Now dem dare rottenin briarins rosins we bees habin ...dem dare cin be kilt bestest on dat sebenteenf and eighteenf.

* Bonniegirl pulls a long draw on her PV, smiles and repeats as she sees Peter R. Puny making a rolling motion with both hands just like that childrens Sunday school song “running over, running over, my cup is full and running over, since the lord made me, I'm as happy as can be, my cup is full and running over” Peter R. Puny was “running over” with anxiety and mumbled to himself something about “crazy woman, thinks this is a spa and can relax, time running out and guns and knives and needin a drink. Bonniegirl smiled, made some smoke rings out of the vapor and said aloud..........*


Dang dat bees sum goodness uh the earf. Now dis cheer bees dat fishin reportin fer the Fishigan U. S of A. area. Black bassin bees good on crankbaits offin banks in 12 feets uh duh wooder. Dat dare crappyin bees goot on dem minnowins and dem tubin jigs an ya needs tah bees in ten tah fifteens foots uh wooders near tah dem brushin pileins. Dem dare white bassins bees bitin on dem rebelins and dem tubin baitins in dem upperin lakins arms. An, jest lahk alwaysins dem catinfishes bees lahkin dem nightencrawlerins and dat liverin. Rest uh dem dare species bees low an all.

*a loud gas is heard and a belch as Bonniegirl draws on her PV and makes a sound of gutteral enjoyment aloud into the microphone and Peter R. Puny is making an off with your head motion with his right hand while holding a clawing and teeth gnashing ..... in the left hand.*

Now dat dare be mah reportin fer dis cheer day in jureye the thirteenf and dis cheer bees yer Bonniegirl. Member tah be supportin hour sponsorin dat Bee Oh Bees kickin bassin vaporin cuz dem dare makin duh bestest joose what anybunny cin bees a vapin and has ya a fahn day.

*Peter R. Puny lets out an audible sigh of relief hands Bonniegirl her ..... and cuts her small talk off quickly with an “excuse me, I need to take an important call(Don't LOL, Ya'll has lied about having an important call to get rid of bothersome folks) and Bonniegirl shuffled out the door with her fishy ....., her brown bag and a brassiere full of her necessities and an eGo(Not the PV) that was full of pride for a job well done. Yes, she was speshual........in a sheshual kinda way and all knew it now cause she was on the radio!*

Stay tuned to KBV radio 69.69 on your dial, the sounds of the old, the new and the "ODD!"

** The man in the dark trenchcoat stares unbelieving at the old Collins radio receiver, tuned to 69.69, KBV radio.**

WTF did that crazy woman just say? Sounds like she's got a mouth half full of corn pone and half full of Cream of Nimoy. Whatever that means.

* He paces furiously in front of the receiver, plotting...*

Who hired that dame? Facryinoutloud! KBV doesn't need a mush-mouthed smelly old drunk woman, or her stinky .....

cat. I *have* to do something. My artistic (or is that autistic?) sensibilities are deeply offended...and considering that I subscribe to "Filthy Jokes Weekly," it takes a lot to offend my sensibilities.

* Paces some more, staring blindly at the 72 pound 1942 vintage tube-fired radio set.*

Well, I have this key to the station, which I pilfered while Peter R. Puny was using his pump...er, male enhancer and wasn't looking. I'll sneak into the station and make everything right tonight. That Bonnie won't stand a chance after I wow the crowd with my dulcet tones. heh heh heh...

** The man in the trench coat, Mike Oxlong turns off the radio, fills a carto with Caramel Cappuccino, and begins to flesh out his evil plan... To be continued*

** A figure clad only in a red silk thong and a long dark trenchcoat carefully picks the lock to the back door of The Divine 69.69, KBV Radio and sneaks into the control room. **

Ah! They're still running the overnight satellite syndicated radio programming, "Conspiracy in the Buff - The Naked Truth about the Government." Good thing...there's nobody here to witness my nefarious activities.

** The man makes a mental note to look up "nefarious in the dictionary.**

Ugh! What is that *smell!?*

** He looks for the source of the stench. **

Smells like a rancid tuna sandwich got left with a pair of rancid sweat socks on top of the transmitter cabinet. No, it smells more like dirty .....


cat! That Bonnie and her motheaten, mangy kitten must have just been here... either that, or somebody needs to eat some charcoal and chlorophyll tablets. Jeez, Jjeez, where's the Fabreeze? I can't even breathe.

** He trips over an objects lying on the control floor and almost goes face-first into the microphone.**

Wh-a-a-a? Ugh! It's that Peter R. Puny's pump...er, male enhancement device. I sure hope he washed the thing after he last used it.

** He steps up to the microphone and flips a couple switches. Soon, the ancient transmitter has crackled to life.**

Good morning Hiney Holders! This is your old pal Mike Oxlong with this morning's weather and fisting...er, fishing repast...er, report....

The forecast calls for hot, sweaty and stanky weather throughout much of the Midwest for the weekend ahead. If you've lost power, you need to do what you can to stay cool. Try a combination of immersing yourself in a bathtub full of cold water to stay cool, in the event you lose air conditioning from the many expected power outages, and fill your carto or atty with KBV Refreshing Cantaloupe. Part of the secret to staying cool is to keep your *mouth* cool, and Refreshing Cantaloupe adds a sweet, cool sensation to your day.

Temperatures are expected to be high. I mean HIGH, like Timothy Leary high. So stay cool.

Fish are going to the bottom with this hot weather, and you'll need to troll deeper this weekend. Make sure your rig is up to it. If you need a stinker...er, sinker, you can try using a full bottle of Vomit Vapor (TM) "Nuke Waste Watermelon." Or, one of my wife's homemade biscuits. Guaranteed to drag any lure to the bottom.

In the news this morning, the Jelly Man has been sighted around the ol' fishin' hole. And, we've added yet another wolf to the pack...welcome Riverwolf!

In other news, anarchy reigns supreme at the Hidey Hole Chat Room, where things get perkin' around 7:30 p.m. Central time, although the chat is available 24/7. If you're not used to IRC chat, put on your hip boots and your thinking caps, 'cause it gets pretty deep in there, if you know what I mean.

Lastly in the news, State and Federal governments continue to provide the best comedy show in town. Pie fights and slipping on wet thongs has never provided as much hilarity as our politicians have this past week.

For KBV Radio, the Divine 69, this is Mike Oxlong reporting. We now return you to our regularly scheduled thread, which is already in progress. Save the Squirrels!!.

** He shuts down the transmitter and stumbles through the back door, trips, falls down the back stairs and goes face-first into the .....


willows. Again. What a *tool*.

*Bonniegirl arose earlier than usual, why the sun wasn't even above the horizon yet! The reason for the early rising was the stench of her ...... The new kitten had been a fine companion and was a good listener to her ramblings and mumblings and such but her smell was...........well, it was …....cough.....fishy. Something was very fishy about this fishy smell. For the life of her she could not figure out what to feed the finicky, fish only eating ...... She had tried a fine specimen of chicken livers given to her by Mini as she was roasting a fine chicken for dinner last evening and the kitten had simply put a whisker a few inches from the dish, looked at her disdainfully with the one eye and sighed and walked away. The kitten was nothing but skin, a bit of fur and bones. It must be nourished, but.... how? The only thing, the one thing, the anything, that this kitten would eat was fish entrails. It was even picky about which parts it wanted as well. ..... did not like the head or the …........well, she would only like the skin and it was greasy and smelly and made Bonniegirls sweet ...............well, plain out Fishy! After discussing with herself the fishy ..... problem, she boiled the coffee and turned on the radio tuned to KBV radio 69.69 on the dial and heard a crackling that was familiar and somehow brought her a familiar feeling of being home, having a place, being where she should be kind of feeling. Just as the warm and fuzzy emotion came upon her, she heard the radioesque sound of that uppity radio man of old, Mike Oxlong. She tilted her good ear toward the speaker and heard that he was giving the weather report! How dare he step in on her gig! Bee Oh Bee had asked her, and her alone, to do the weather after he had seen her fantastical abilities with her wind tellin finger and had seen her at the bait and tackle shop warning a fisherfolk about some upcoming bad weather fronts. Bee Oh Bee had known she was the one. He had chosen her. He had picked her first...........OK, it was AFTER the Nancy R. Foxey incident and the claws of Missy running her out of town and into the arms of that tiger blooded Charlie. That Nancy was no real weather tellin woman, but she was easy on the eyes of the menfolk and that was what got her that job. Bonniegirl had not gotten the job because of her looks, she was not one to put on airs like that and use her womanly wiley ways to get things. No way, she depended on her own abilities and her God given gifts of the wind tellin finger, the humidity tellin arthritis and years of watching the leaves and the critters in knowin what would happen next with good ole mother nature and her ways. Her fishing reports were unmatched..this Oxlong fellow was in for a good fight. Why, he didn't know a croaker from a water moccasin! How dare he! Bonniegirl was fuming. Her curlers were all abuzz and the wire in her mole on her face stood straight out and steam flowed out of her ears. The blood pressure rose and her face became a scarlet red and beads of sweat formed on her furrowed brow, ran down the mole, into the smile lines and down the ski sloped chin and into the zipper line scar straight into the brassiere and moistened all the contents. The bottles of KBV joose labels were all a smudged mess at the end of it and vaping became a surprise like grab bag. Bonniegirl collected her thoughts, patted her curlers, smoothed the housedress with two flattened hands in preparation for leaving. She scooped her fishy smelly ..... and put it in her pocket and with some claws and scratching, it disdainfully complied. She stepped into the back end flattened moccasins and grabbed her bagged Ms Walker for the purpose of the bad case of the nerves and walked out the cabin on wheels. As she stepped onto the landing of the 3 foot by 3 foot landing the cabin swayed and groaned and the tire was observed hissing and she made a mental note to seek out the elusive Jellyman for repairs. No time for mental noting, she had a bone to pick with this Oxlong fellow and she meant to go straight to the top. She was off to Kick Bass Headquarters to speak to Bee Oh Bee himself and tell him that he must make a choice. The choice was crystal clear in Bonniegirls mind. Wisdom about the weather and the winds and the fishing and the farming over a fancy pantsy radio voice know it all. Bonniegirl prepared her dissertation to Bee Oh Bee as she shuffled at a quick pace. She spoke to her ..... …......aloud …......as usual...........*

....., dat dare Oxymorony fella bees a thenkin he bees a takin mah jobbin at dat dare radioin stationin? He bees en fer duh faht uh hees lahf! Imma gonna sayin tah Bee Oh Beein dis cheer........Bee Oh Bee......I bees a knowin morin dis cheer Oxylong fella and I bees fergettin more an he eber beed a knowin bout dat dare windin an he no gots no wind tellin fingerin.....alls he gots bees dat longin whitin stick an all an dat ain't no wind teller. He ain't eber beed a fishin een hees lahf an ya gots tah git ya a deseeshunin cheer cause dare ain't no roomin fer dis cheer Bonniegirl and dat dare Mikin Oxlongin.

*Bonniegirl stopped at the base of a large tree and pulled a few tokes on her PV and took a good long swig of the Ms Walker. Plumes of vapor surrounded her and she took a few more swigs of the liquid courage, belched and then continued on towards the Kick Bass Headquarters with her fish smelly ..... and a good plan on her face. It was to be Mike Oxlong or her and that was the long and the short of it!*

Pass the popcorn please...............This should be good...........or, at the least, "ODD!"

** For some reason, KBV Radio, the Divine 69.69 is deserted at this early hour. The familiar trench coated figure of Mike Oxlong creeps into the studio.**

Wheww! I brought the 55 gallon drum of Stank-B-Gone with its high-pressure spray mister, a gas mask, some baking soda, or as that hillbilly would call it "soda for the bakin'" and some rubber gloves. Too bad I couldn't find my HazMat suit...hell, even my Big Bunny Suit has gone missing...and I'll be damned if I attack this stench wearing only my KBV zircon-encrusted party thong./utility belt combo.

** Wipes every surface with a HandiWipe saturated with Fresh Stank Clorox**

Damn! This place is funkier than a mile of chitlins with raw onions and sardines on the side.

* Struggles to breathe without bringing up tonight's dinner, a garlicky Rigatoni Alfredo and garlic bread... *

* Eyes watering and throat clenching, he attempts to wipe off the broadcast control consol and accidentally flips the Master Switch.**

Gaaahrgh....hic...hic...gack...gack...gark...hrummmmmblargh...BLEEARGH!!!!! BLEEARGH!!!! Whumph!

** Staggering, clammy and pale, green around the gills, Oxlong quickly begins to mop up the mess. He doesn't know the microphone is very much on.**

#%!!@@$#$*%*%*()$$#!!!!!! Bonnie! She made me bring up dinner in reverse. Yup, I just enjoyed a Singing Lunch. Talked to the Porcelain God. Talked on the big white phone to Ralph and Earl about the Buick. Yawned in Technicolor!

Folksy she may be...and Lord knows she knows more about fishing and weather than I ever will...but at least I've never made anyone puke...well, except for those who have seen me naked, but that's another story... Gotta stop talking to myself...folks will think I'm crazy. Gawd, this place smells like the back end of a leprotic goat and/or the locker room at Our Lady of Perpetual Estrus.

** Begins to pump the giant, high-pressure mister atop the 55 gallon drum of Stank-B-Gone.**

I did *not* pay $39.95 to the Marconi Correspondence School of Broadcasting to deodorize lakeside radio stations! I did *not* put marbles in my mouth to learn elocution, diction and 5 other big-sounding words! I did *not* study tongue twisters, only to be forced into de-stinki=f-fhing studios!

** Begins mumbling tongue twisters....**

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, Upon a slitted sheet I sit.

*Try that one, right now...*

To be continued...

*Bonniegirl had pondered and wondered and pondered and wondered about the problem with the fishy smell. Why oh why had she gotten the broken pet? Why did the Gods of pet giving give her the misfit one? Why was she destined to be getting the left overs, the pot scrapings, the imperfect, the fugly, the “ODD?” Why her, she thought, with great philosophical curiousity. It had been the story of her life. She had been a good child, a good teen, a good young adult. She was educated too. Why she had finished college at the top of her class many moons ago when being at the top mattered to her. She had worked a good vocation for many years, paid her taxes on time, stopped at red lights and said “Bless you” when someone sneezed. She always said her prayers at night and thanked the good Lord everyday for what she had and never in her life had she wanted what some body else got. Nope, no rhyme or reason for this kinda misfortune. All the other critter owners, or 4 pawed Mommas, had perfect 4 pawed friends....or so it seemed from the outside lookin in. For all she knew they were chair leg, leg cocking and ...... all over or worse laying carpet sausages daily. They could be the leg humpers or the pant leg grabbers for all she knew. All she knew was, they LOOKED good, from Bonniegirls point of view and she felt sorely cheated and a bit resentful that she , above all others, had to get the fishy smelly ...... Bonniegirl reflected upon herself and her wrong-doings to give a credence to this misfortune and while she was far from perfect and did enjoy a finger or two of the Ms Walker, she was a kind hearted woman and would give the housedress off her back if someone gave her a blanket to cover her personal stuffs. This misfortune of the finding of the ..... with the fishy smell was her cross to bear, her lot in life, her weight to bear and hers alone.
The God of all pet givings must have a sense of humor or be a devlish one to do this. It was sorely sorrowful and sad and people stared and whispered and who could blame them? Her ..... was broken, different from the others (or most) and the smell was offensive and well............just plain fishy and it was horrid. Bonniegirl decided that love could not smell, had no aversion to the misfit. She was the Momma of this broken one and she could not stop, clock out, push the back button, have a do-over, hit rewind. She would love the ..... through the stinky times and hope for a time when the stench would find another place to live. There was always hope, always a new day. Always a way. She would take one day at a time and love her baby ..... cat with all of her heart because she was hers and well, she was the momma now and mommas never quit their jobs. Bonniegirl spoke aloud …..ok, she mumbled......as usual, to her fishy smelly ..... she had come to be the mother of...................*

Ya ain't a perfeckin ones bet eye bees a lubbin ya jest duh same an all an if'n ya has tah stay smelly uh dat fishy den I wheel steel bees a lovin ya .I ain't neber gonna bees a leftin ya cause ya is smelly cause ya ees mahn. Now cin ya go ober dare an set a bit cause eye needs tah bees a eatin mah beans an dat dare smell bees bad but ya ain't bad...........K?


Pass the popcorn please.....and a tissue...........that there episode of the Novella is for all the sick and suffering Mommas with sick and suffering children that are not quite the way we planned.

 

[Dalton63841]

Continued...

Novella 69 Chapter69 Celebs arrive ..................

*boB up early for a Friday with with thoughts racing............ "will she do like Charlie after visiting the Hidey Hole?" "I mean it wasn't a mere 2 weeks after he showed here he started his own ecig line" The thoughts raced as he did his morning paperwork in door # 2 * "what could possibly happen next? Now I got bonniegirl and her ..... rejecting Mike Oxlong...

doing the weather............. I lost one of my favorite Friday segments Jelly Man Says that was always the one to kick off the weekend" *Finishes his paperwork and exits and notices the toes under door #1* "I'm starting to wonder if some isn't being Panky and those are fake?" *Passes the ........

willows on his way to the morning campfire and sees 3 guys under a tree dressed weird with guitars singing "there's something about Mary" and rubs his eyes to make sure his imagination isn't playing tricks on him. As he turns to look at the beach of Lake Fishigan he sees an elderly woman using aluminum foil to tan with "Tropicana girl? Nah couldn't be" *makes his way to the early risers at the fire and is greeted with some Auntie M's* "boB is she doing the weather?" asks Acth ............ "what.....wait....... what are you talking about?" "Cameron Diaz, the Hidey Hole's been abuzz since she arrived last night" ............. "what?" says boB trying to get down the coffee faster so he can be more coherent ............. "Yeah Mike Oxlong helped her gel up her hair early this morning" she goes on to say.



To Be Continued......................................................


*really do have paperwork (not TP) to do*

Good Morning Fishigan U. S. of A. and all the fisherfolks at the Hidey Hole..................Hope ya'll have a great day and the sun shines on your face and the wind is at your back and the customer service at wherever you shop today matches KBV..........what more could make your day good?
I was doing my "thinking" this morning and was wondering what life would be like here in my hometown and yours if the service I received today equaled that which I get from KBV. Wouldn't it be nice if the girl at the coffee shop was not busy texting or watching the clock and smiled and said "Thank you" or by miracle wrote a little note on your receipt! What if that same coffee girl asked about your sick dog or sicK child or about your recent medical tests? What if she told a little joke or commented on the pictures of your vacation or your pets? What if she offered positive thoughts your way and even kept you inher prayers and told you so?............. HHhhmmmm, come to think about it IDK if Kick Bass style customer service would be a good thing out here in the real world. I think it may make the lines longer and slower! Maybe just a smile, eye to eye contact and a sincere thank you would do! Yeah, Kick Bass customer service in the real world would be.........cough..........well, it would be..............ahem..........."ODD!"
Happy Vaping to all!

Morning Hidey Hole!!!

How are the fine fisherfolk of Lake Fishigan U. S. of A doing today? Staying cool I hope... Just received a telegram from Miss Bonnie telling me to get my hiney back to the bike & ATV shop pronto - sorry for the absence, but life happens and so does remodeling. If I do not get the drywall finished asap Mrs Jelly Man is going have in the dog house.

Anywho, wanted to say Howdy and wish all a great day... I hear tell there is a teeny-weenie pest picking at Bonnie's bonnet that needs a swatting. Might have to rustle up the opossum posse and run that varmint down.

Ciego... Get your A.N.U.S ready!

Howdy all.....................hey..............A Jellyman sighting!

WHOOPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Not the Goldberg, though I love me some Whoopie Goldberg*

Imma gonna hasta call fer Nancy R. Foxey to come a visitin! *she is "liked" after all*


WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Bonniegirl and her still smelly ..... were sitting on a stump and watching the grass grow. Sure, it seems a moot point to just sit and stare at a patch of grass but there are many wonders to behold in a patch of grass. She had been watching a ladybug flitting from here to there and nowhere and the ants busy with the carrying of their huge load of a grain of sand and the dew slowly trailing down the blades and back to the earth for solace and rest until the next rising with the fog. Much work was being done in that patch but not by Bonniegirl or the smelly, Fishy, ..... that lay in her lap in a ball purring and dreaming of the mouse that got away. Suddenly, at this early, before outhouse thinkin time, she heard the ruckus of a large vehicle coming down Fishigan lane and she watched with eyes peeled to see who or what would be arriving at this early hour and why. She noticed a long stretch limo that was white and had gold wheels and trim pull up to the honey hole trail and the driver with his fine suit and hat exited the car. He removed 14 bags from the trunk area and piled them on a large piece of plastic which he had carefully laid at the side of the road. The luggage all matched and had Ls and Vs all over them. It was brown luggage with tan letters that were all over in no particular order. Just as the ant had dropped his load so did the driver. The driver went to the back door and opened it and lo and behold a long, white, lean, high heeled leg appeared out the door and onto the road. Bonniegirl breathed in a gasp as she saw the next parts exit. Two of them and a slice in the middle that was a cavern in the mountainous top half. Watermelon sized breasts attached to a very light blonde, almost white hairdo and the face that had launched a clawing by Missy..............It was Nancy R. Foxey. Bonniegirl watched the goings on and saw the driver extend his hand to assist her with the 5 inch heels over the COPYRIGHTDMCA pushed to the side of the road by Passersby *Hey where is the Passerbyus?* Bonniegirl watched as the driver stood with palm extended and Nancy averted her eyes from his hand as she was applying lipstick and coiffing her hair and shaking her head to fluff the hair just so. The driver cleared his throat..........a kind of “I am here” sort of clearing and she still went about her primping. Nancy R. Foxey then said to the driver, “Will you take these bags to the medic station on stilts?” The driver cleared his throat once again with his palm extended facing the Gods of tipping and the heavens. The Gods did not answer. The driver asked where was this medic station on stilts and Nancy pointed in the direction of the lake and although the Hidey Hole is a tiny village it appeared miles away to the driver with all of those bags to carry. He picked up two of them and trudged down the path as Nancy continued to primp. Bonniegirl was fuming and the vapor from the PV had now began to exit her ears and other orifices and she knew that her days at WKBV radio 69.69 on your dial were through. A noise was heard rustling behind her and she turned to find Morfeus, wolfatthedoor,Jellyman *OK.... pretend he is here at the hidey hole FFS*,Dalton,.........well, all of the fisherMEN were there to greet the visitor.........or so Bonniegirl prayed she was. Hopefully this would be a friendly visit and parading of the double Ds and then she would go back to the hole she crawled out of. Bonniegirl watched the drooling, the helloing and the “OH my how nice you looks.” It sickened her. Bonniegirl never got looked at that way and never desired to. She wanted to be looked at as a wise one, a caring one, a fine friend. Those things were far more important.............AND, Bonniegirl had something this double D numbnut did not! She had a wind tellin finger! That would give her the edge for sure. All the fishermen offered to carry her bags and tried to carry more than the next to show their manly studlyness and impress this new visitor. Many slipped on their own drool or was that KY? At any rate, Bonniegirl saw it with her own eyes, Nancy R. Foxey had returned and Peter R. Puny met her, as planned, at the car, and he swooned and complimented and Bonniegirl over-heard him telling Nancy about the horrid weather reporting, goings on with Mike Oxlong and pretty much painted a picture of WKBV radio going to the dogs and a fishy smelly ...... Nancy asked him how could dogs manage a radio station and Peter laughed a nervous laugh and pretended to “get the joke” but Nancy was not smiling. She looked at him quizzically. He said that the drunken weatherwoman had a fish smelly ..... and Nancy scowled, blushed and stated, “Now, no need to tell me her personal problems.” Peter attempted to explain that the hair on the ..... was scant at best and Nancy looked at Peter with disgust and wondered aloud why a man would stoop so low to admit such “closeness” to such a disdainful character. Nancy remembered that woman with the flowered housedress and thought about her Momma saying that when the drink is in, the wit is out. Meanwhile, Bonniegirl wondered why Nancy never got any wit. Perhaps the big man upstairs had said wit and she got in the wrong line and got extra of the other “Its.” Peter then began telling Nancy about his wonderful Friday Night plans to have a big party in her honor at the pole barn tonight and she replied, “That is so nice of you, but I am too tired to dance tonight and I don't really need the money anyway. That Charlie with the tiger blood gave me plenty to leave.” Nancy was impressed that the Hidey Hole could be so thoughtful to put up poles just for her, though. Peter R. Puny wondered why any man would pay this heavenly God given angel to leave and shook his head backwards and forth and side to side. Peter grabbed her purse with his sweaty palms and said they should hurry on to get her settled in at the Medic station. Nancy said there was no way she would ruin her new Prada shoes in that dusty pebble path and Peter said for her to wait and he returned with a wheelbarrow and placed her gently within with her purse on her lap and wheeled her to the Medic shack.
Bonniegirl was disgusted, fuming and a bit hurt that Peter would talk so badly of her work as the weatherwoman. Why, she had told all the fisherfolk to load up their nets cause the hatchery was due to close down soon. She and she alone had forecasted that tornado and the hailstorms straight from the farmers almanac. PFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT on Big tata's, lipsticks and hairspray. Bonniegirl would not let this blonde bimbo take her job. No way no how. She mumbled to ..... and herself......aloud, as usual.....*

Dat dare nimmin rod ain't gonna be a takin my jobbin at dat radioin stationin. I bee a peckin her mascareed eyes outta her haid an den I paint er wid dat dare lipstickin she bees lubbin sew much. She might got a big rackin an all but I gots me a big idear.........c'mon dare ....., we gots werkins tah do.

*Bonniegirl and her fish smelly ..... set off toward the bait/tackle and donut coffee shop to alert Missy to this problem. She will claw her eyes out if Nancy so much as looks at Bob and she planned to make sure Nancy did just that. Bonniegirl stopped at her cabin and wrote a note that said this.....*

Deer BOB
You is sew hansum an I wants u. I is here at the stilt cabin, meat me dare.
XOXOXOX
Nancie Foxie

*Bonniegirl folded the paper and set out to give it to Missy and say she found it on the ground between some wheelbarrow tracks. As Bonniegirl passed a window on the bike shop she found herself looking at herself and patted her hair, pinched her cheeks and flattened her dress to remove some of the wrinkles. *well, every woman WANTS to feel pretty.*


Pass the popcorn.............everybody loves a girl fight with the hair pulling and nail scratching and the cursing...........this should get good!