Hello jiveRock.
I was diagnosed bipolar NOS a few years ago.
For me... the journey has been an odd one. I live med-free, and manage
through a variety of lifestyle/health/dietary things. I am mostly pretty stable these days, and have been for a while. The sharp episodes I used to have are now more indistinct. My theory is that I just got to the point where my brain broke so badly that it was get better or die. I just couldn't continue like I was.
It started off with a few years of depressive episodes, then paranoia, mania, mixed episodes, and finally trauma pushed me into psychosis.
Since that episode (which lasted a year - no meds, due to no access to help), I haven't had any substantial periods of unwellness.
But I have always remained very sensitive. And I think, if anything, I have simply re-framed my understanding of reality. I still have a very wide emotional range, reactive and non-reactive. I still have sensory problems, weird emotional reactions and body reactions, and paranoia. I still have persistent insomnia, hypomanic and depressive days. My memory is shot to hell. I usually have some degree of word salad going on - yes, I hide it well. None of it has really gone away. I just keep trying to meter my life, and acknowledge whatever my wonky brain is saying without internalizing and believing it. I try not to let myself get too stressed or too off-course.
The last few weeks have been very trying on me. Fortunately I am lucky enough to have really, really good support from those who love me. It makes all the difference in the world when *someone else* will acknowledge the crazy stuff you're feeling without internalizing it, as well. Fellow mad people are my refuge. And we can spot each other across a room, or across a planet.
My way isn't for everyone. Hell, it probably isn't even for a substantial chunk of people. But it seems to be working ok for me.
I don't know where you're at right now, jive... but sometimes, when my mind is doing something that, from appearances, is simply to make my life hell, I try to see it
through another lense.
I look at that over-reactive part of me as a child that is trying to communicate something important, and doesn't have the language or social skills to do so accurately. The result is a bunch of crazy non-sensible BS.
The reason we have "the terrible two's" is because two-year-olds are at the juncture in their development where they understand most of what you're saying, but don't have the skills to respond. It's frustrating to them that they can't communicate effectively, and they act out.
That's how I see my mind. I experience things for which there are no mainstream words. And my mind doesn't have the words and expressions it needs to convey a wider range of experiences than what most people will experience.
I meditate on it, and just listen. Don't internalize - just listen, and let it go.
It helps me sometimes.