Thanks, everyone, for all the kind words and messages of support. It has meant more than I can really express.
Mom's viewing was Tuesday, the funeral was Wednesday, and we have had less formal family gatherings since.
Amidst the tragedy of the last few weeks, there has been some good. It has been wonderful connecting with a part of my family I have never had much contact with growing up. And I have been very impressed with the roots and history my family has here. We have essentially a private cemetary, a family church that became the heart of a small town, buildings and land and traditions amd family history going back to the early 1800's. I never really knew about all this growing up in Alaska, good for my life as that was, and I feel like I am regaining something to fill the void Mom left behind.
Anyway, I was able to bring my brother down, with Steve's assistance. He and the rest of the immediate family have returned home to face the financial carnage and bills. And I have my own financial aftermath to face up to, as well.
Besides my and my families traveling expenses, there are over $10g in burial expenses unpaid, and I can only imagine what medical bills our last minute hail-mary attempt to get her a transplant cost. Plus future expenses for her granddaughters, my neices, who she was adopting and which my Stepfather will still be adopting in both their names.
Steve has been amazingly supportive in this time, giving me paid leave I haven't really worked long enough to earn, giving me an early paycheck when I needed it, to help me move to a hotel closer to her, and even kicking in extra to help me bring my brother down and back for the funeral.
And our extended family has been helping, too. But in the end, I do need to call on any of you who are still willing to help donate to the expenses. All of this is just more than our modest family budgets can absorb, especially without Mom's present and future contributions.
PM me for now, and hopefully someone can help me set up a more formal benefit and memorial fund.
Personally, I am at a crossroads right now. Steve is allowing me to go home to San Francisco instead of back to Chicago right away, for which I am again unexpressably grateful.
But this has been very hard on me. There has been more involved than I felt comfortable sharing. I really don’t feel the closure I need. And it has brought up other issues, things I have largely neglected for the past two decades, nearly.
More immediately, I started work on a funeral video, and really, really feel a need to stay longer, gather more pics and footage about her roots, and history here. Do a real memorial video, maybe even a family history video. Steve is always encouraging me to concentrate on what I do best. Blogging and videos. I haven't always been there for Mom, and for once I want to do what I do best for her.
Again, personally, I also want more time to connect more to a big side of the family I never had my own connection to before, just second hand through her.
And maybe even go back to my real home in Alaska for a while. It's been more than 16 years. Both to get more content for the videos, but again, also to reconnect more. In the midst of all the sadness and pain of the last few weeks the one real joy has been meeting my youngest three neices for the first time beyond phone calls and skype video calls. But it wasn't enough, and connecting to them is hugely important to me right now.
And I've also had my eyes opened up to a new cause I want to blog on and advocate for at least a fraction as much as I have e-cigs. Liver disease, the struggle and toll involved to patient and family, and in particular things we can all do to help, like checking our organ donor cards, or contributing to organizations like Gift of Life. Donations to buy a domain and help as I start building it would also be welcome.
So, my priorities are changing, and even though most of this ordeal is wrapping up now, and I will start getting back to the blogging and forums immediately, I'm not quite ready to dive back into work fulltime at V4L just yet, and need to do more for personal closure. It's not fair to ask Steve to shoulder the burden of supporting me through this, especially given as much as he's already done, so he and I need to discuss our future and my position.
But whatever happens tomorrow or the next day, I will never forget the outpouring of support throughout this from Steve, the V4L team, and the V4L community, here and elsewhere.
So, again thank you all again from the bottom of my heart, both from me,and on behalf of my family, for all the support and well wishes, both up to now and to come.
