Why some people hate the Atlantis and Subtank. A satirical poke at vapers.

[Danbrooks2k]

First off...
When I came out of the womb even my umbilical cord was wrapped in a micro coil, and I was only allowed to touch organic, gluten free cotton hand picked by blind tibetan monks. I didnt ask to be born this awesome... but it is my cross to bear in life. The Atlantis is the best tank in the universe. I have not recieved my Subtank yet, but I assume it is the second best tank in the universe.

Second off...
Don’t sit there complaining about the Atlantis and Subtank. Just admit that your upset because you cant afford them...
You are poor... you have poor people ice ( the ice cube tray kind ) In you regular non stainless steel old tyme refrigerator. You drive a base model Hyundai. You simply cannot afford the luxury of a pre built coil.

Have a seat in your single wide trailer, reach over adjust the temperature on your window unit air conditioner ( because I know you cant afford centra heat or air ) crack open a nice crisp Mountain rain ( Because you have to buy store brand mountain dew clone drinks ). Are you sitting down? Good.
I know you cant afford an atlantis, let alone the coils.... They have a pretty ok clone on fasttech for 14$ Go ahead and start saving now to buy one. Once you have used up your only coil, PM me. I will be happy to send you my used ones. Before you put any of that DIY juice you made ( GROSS ) in the tank, go ahead and take a vape off of the used coils I sent you. Do you taste that? That’s called frankenvape... A bottle of that costs more than more that your entire vaping collection. It has bits of real clown in it, that way you know its good. I wont be sending you any coils saturated with Five pawns because they feel you may damage the brand by enjoying it and posting about it.

And don’t get me started on you dirty hippies and your REO mods... You poor unfortunate souls vape on like 4 cents a day. You are still using kanthal wire and a bag of cotton from 2009. They even came out with an RDA named after REO owners... its called the HOBO!

Third off...
The only thing I don’t absolutely love about the Atlantis is the fact that the coil looks too much like a cartomizer. We really don’t want "you people" using an Atlantis either.

If you use a cartomizer or cartomizer tank please dont get too close. I will not shake hands with you, I am sure they are sticky from whatever VG/PG blended grog juice you have leaking out of your IB Tanked. The only thing I like about Carto tanks is the hope that one day a Dripper will slip and fall in the snail trail of juice you leave behind.

By Dripper, I don’t mean an RDA, I mean the horn rimmed, sleeve tattooed, neck bearded or push up bra wearing, I like bacon, unicorns and zombie weirdo hipster that is always rebuilding his RDA at the vape shop. Your vape gear consists of a battery, a piece of an old coat hanger you use as a coil, your moms rayon scarf you use as a wick and whatever juice you can beg for on the street corner. I am not totally sure that you aren’t just dripping with last Halloweens fog machine juice... cough!!!

Anyone over 50 vaping... yuck... just please stop doing it in public. We are trying to make this cool and you are ruining it. You will notice they sell juice with pictures of aliens, space ships and futuristic things. We even have names like Kamino, Bobas bounty, Space Jam... There is a reason why you wont find any ginger ale flavored e-juice with names like Charlie Chaplin reserve, Charleston, Matlock or Murder she wrote. Its ok if you want to vape, just not out where the rest of us have to see you. Im not even concerned about you using an Atlantis... i mean it doesn’t come with an olde tymey hand crank, or plug into the wall...

I apologize if I forgot to insult someone...

*runs for cover*.... INCOMING!!!!! lol

 

[sparkky1]

Why wouldn't you just get a Yuode Goblin ?

 

[tmel]

Reo users are poor unfortunate souls? I'd say anyone using anything else is a poor unfortunate soul. You have NO idea how good we have it!

 

[Vapenstein]

I sincerely lol'd at the OP

 

[r77r7r]

Lol. Good stuff. I think over Thirty might be as uncool as us olders haha.

 

[Danbrooks2k]

Reo users are poor unfortunate souls? I'd say anyone using anything else is a poor unfortunate soul. You have NO idea how good we have it!

Its ok... your safe here... blink twice if the REO people are threatening you if you dont say how much you love your REO.

We all should pitch in and start a shelter and inverention meetings for REO owners. Need to be de-programmed....

I dont know what this squonking is all about, but it sounds like a dangerous cult!

 

[Rickajho]

Why I do believe I smell a rant. And maybe some bacon way off in the distance...

 

[Ryedan]

I apologize if I forgot to insult someone...

You missed the two holy grails of vaping my friend, the Provarinati and the sub-ohminati. And if you think I'll give you as pass on the second one just because the Atlantis is sub-ohm, think again. If you want to become good at the satire thingy, logic can not hold you back

Oh, you also forgot to tell people to get off your lawn. That's almost more serious than leaving out the sub-ohminati

Otherwise, well done

 

[k2zs]

I come from a time when you actually had to "Get Up" to change the TV channel. When the picture got fuzzy why ya got up and whacked it on the side and fixed it. For better reception, ya just wrapped more tin foil on the rabbit ears and you could get that big station in Mt Pilot.

I vape in public all the time and I have cooler gear than you ever could cuz I gots buks deluks....

Danged Whipper Snappers...

 

[Danbrooks2k]

You missed the two holy grails of vaping my friend, the Provarinati and the sub-ohminati. And if you think I'll give you as pass on the second one just because the Atlantis is sub-ohm, think again. If you want to become good at the satire thingy, logic can not hold you back

Oh, you also forgot to tell people to get off your lawn. That's almost more serious than leaving out the sub-ohminati

Otherwise, well done

I am a proud Provari owner sir. Unfortunatley I need to send it back to provape for repairs. I have had my atlantis on it for a week and its just not wanting to give much vapor or flavor no matter how hard I press the button. My local B&M told me the Proavari wouldnt be able to fire the Atlantis sub om coil...

I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my entire life... Its a Provari for god sake. But that is the kind of answer you get when you ask a layperson for advice.

 

[Cowboy192]

I have just decided one of my custards will from now on be known as the triple c, Charlie Chaplin custard!

 

[alicewonderland]

the hipster and 50+ year old ones made me lol and the drip tip falling in a snail trail haha, oh the days of carto tanks.

 

[Danbrooks2k]

I have just decided one of my custards will from now on be known as the triple c, Charlie Chaplin custard!

Just like a brit trying to take an american Icon like Charlie Chaplin from the Americans who invented him...

 

[thanantos]

There is a distinct lack if hipsters and/or those that wear wool hats as fashion accessories in this rant.

 

[smacuser]

Reo users are poor unfortunate souls?...You have NO idea how good we have it!

I am a proud Provari owner sir.

Spoken like the true one percent.

 

[VHRB2014]

I don`t think Dangerfield, Rickles, or even Triumph are threatened in the least bit.

Its just missing something.

 

[Ryedan]

I am a proud Provari owner sir.

Sorry to hear that Dan, denial is a pain. I'm sure that in your heart you know the truth. Provaris are totally behind the times, way underpowered and way too expensive for the feature set they come with.

Unfortunatley I need to send it back to provape for repairs. I have had my atlantis on it for a week and its just not wanting to give much vapor or flavor no matter how hard I press the button. My local B&M told me the Proavari wouldnt be able to fire the Atlantis sub om coil...

Yes, umm, see my comment above

I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my entire life... Its a Provari for god sake. But that is the kind of answer you get when you ask a layperson for advice.

Yes, as I said, denial is tough. But it's OK, you'll figure things out in time

 

[Big Me]

OP,

Your problem is that because you use the Atlantis, you now have far too much time on your hands. And, instead of doing something constructive (like a mature person would), you decide to you're going to play-up. Play-up just like a bored, spoilt, attention seeking, eight year old who has always had everything done for them.

Heck, the reason you use the Atlantis is because if you were ever faced with the task of building your own coils, you'd end up in a complete tangle of wire and the emergency services would need to be called to cut you free!

And don't get me started on the thought of you making your own juice... Ha! I wouldn't trust you to make a glass of orange squash. (Even if someone else had already measured out the juice concentrate and water in separate containers and told you to simply add one to the other) Nicotine solution? You? *shudder*

Enjoy your time on easy street while you can, my friend. Because come the day that the powers-that-be decide to ban all your fancy pre-made coils and fancy pre-made juice, you'll find yourself up that proverbial creek without a paddle.

And me? You'll find me, safe, in my single-wide, vaping my homemade juice, on my homemade coils, laughing my socks off!

You have a good day now...

[written in the same sense of friendly ribbing as original post was ]

 

[OlderNDirt]

Even though I am in that "over 50" (and then some) crowd, I did enjoy the read. But remember, without the "over 50" bunch "doing it in public", where would all the under 30 kids come from?

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta catch the 10:00 news. What? It's 7:00? Well, if I hurry, I can make it!

 

[Danbrooks2k]

Sorry to hear that Dan, denial is a pain. I'm sure that in your heart you know the truth. Provaris are totally behind the times, way underpowered and way too expensive for the feature set they come with.

Dont you ever speak ill of Provari... I am sure you enjoy vaping dekang RYPOOP out of your Vamo styled portugese clone of a china knock off. "Elegant style for a new kind of pleasure" <------ what does that even mean anyway???