I bought it 4 months ago after sampling it in a local shop. Previously, I only considered e-cigs as a 'fake plastic cigarette' novelty / fad / cool kid thing, complete with ice-cream esque flavors like "Pink Bubble Gum" and "Tuti Fruti". Total turn-off...I'm simply not a cool-kid, tuti-bubbly type of guy, and not prone to find 'vaping' barbie-doll plastic cigs in a club with 'vapers' even remotely interesting as a pastime.
Also, I knew you had to buy cartridges for them. As an ink-jet addicted half-assed artist desktop publisher, I - EFING - DESPISE - THE - VERY - IDEA - OF - DISPOSABLE - CARTRIDGES!
Anyway, the ones I saw in the shop window didn't look like cigs at all, more like miniature hookas. Little bottles of 'smoke juice' in attractive packaging and potentially interesting flavors like "Italian Pipe Tobacco" caught my attention. Even if I hadn't been a 30+ cig a day, filthy ashtray stinking, carcinogen saturated, self-loathing disgrace of a 30 year veteran smoker, I'm sure all the cool stuff in the window display would have still perked my curiosity.
My nicotine-yellowed eyes hadn't, up to that moment, seen any viable safer alternative to real cigs. Gum, patches, blah blah...the nicotine is only part of the story. Without the suck and smoke, nicotine addiction would be no fun at all! Might as well start mainlining the stuff. No...the delivery method is definitely what makes being an addict so satisfying. Don't get me wrong. I couldn't kick nicotine cold-turkey. Well, maybe I could have in a perfect world, but I don't live and work in a perfect world. Hell, I live and work with kids. That's like as far from perfect as it gets! (No offense, kiddies).
I've known for a long time that nicotine is what keeps my seemingly infinite reserves of patience fully-charged. It sure as hell ain't solar-powered. The 'cigarette moment' isn't simply a nicotine battery charger. For me, it's an essential method of giving myself back to myself for a few moments. Until you're in a situation where you're just giving and giving and giving to others all day long, you cannot even begin to appreciate the breadth (breath!) and width of importance that 'cig moment' represents for me. Now I can confirm that it doesn't need to involve a real cigarette (actually, much more accessible now that real smoke has been eliminated, I can vape in the freaking coat closet!). Emulated smoke (vapor) is every bit as satisfying. I don't know yet if it needs to involve nicotine. For the moment, it does...albeit in gradually smaller quantities. For me, it also needs to involve some kind of hand/object manipulation. Patches just sit there, gum is totally boring. I need to see some action. I need to watch something curl around and calmly dissipate. I need to be an active participant in its creation. See how full-blown an addict I am?
I hated what my habit had become. I hated myself for structuring my existence around cigs. I hated the chest pain, wheezing myself awake in the middle of the night, coughing CONSTANTLY. Running paranoid with the real fears of lung cancer, heart attack, etc etc.
That store window held promise. I walked in and said "Show me what these things are all about!" I was shown. I tried it. I 'vaped' for the first time. It was...intriguing. Different enough from real cigs to be something more than 'replacement therapy'. Cool enough in technology, sight, sense, smell to be 'new toys' fun. I bought the blue anodized 'eGo-T' and a bottle of Liqua 12 mg nicotine 'traditional tobacco' flavored smoke juice. I've since returned for 9 mg watermelon, 6 mg cappuccino, and 0 mg blueberry. I finished the 12 mg and went back for more. I wanted a bit more 'kick' so I got the 18 mg traditional tobacco (my favorite flavor so far). I use that as my base and then add a bit of lo-nic flavory whatever to mellow it out a bit and keep it interesting. I love the versitility and customization options of vaping. Much more rewarding than boring old cig tobacco ever was.
For the first month, I used the e-cig only when sitting at my computer. I didn't take it with me anywhere, except one day to show it off to all my friends and students. I didn't noticeably alter my regular cig use at all. I think I had to get used to the IDEA that this thing was a viable alternative...that it COULD work if I just made that initial push.
One Sunday, I woke up feeling exceptionally 'smoker-awful'. Tight chest, cough and wheeze city. I had nothing to do that day...perfect day to begin the end. I told the kids (the 2 I own, not the dozens that own me) I was gonna lay on the couch all day and to please temporarily restrict messing with my life to dire emergencies only. They unplugged their x-box and, miraculously, complied. I got my e-cig and did exactly what I said. Laid on the couch. Sleep, watch tv, e-vape. I also smoked 4 real cigs... the fewest cigs in a 24 hour period I've smoked in years.
Be it my imagination or reality, when I woke up the next morning, I genuinely felt better. Less wheeze, no chest elephant. I had my e-cig security blanket now...it had been nicotine faithful when called upon. I took all the real smoking stuff (ashtrays, fire devices, crap) out of the house and set up a smoking station in the back yard with 1 ash tray and 1 lighter. From that day, I never smoked in my house again ('my' house is actually our back porch I converted to a one-room studio/office/'leave me the ...... alone' space. I smoked in there, but not in the main house where my wife and kids stay.)
With the help of the e-cig, I cut my 30+ cigs a day down to 6-8. Towards the end of the final week, I'd been edging back up to 10-11 a day.
I went on with the reduced cig / e-cig supplement diet for 5 weeks. Every day, I kept count of the real cigs I smoked. I marked slashes on my hand with Sharpie markers every time I smoked. Big, ugly slashes in black or red. I now know that I like the smell of Sharpie ink a lot more than stale cigarettes on my hands. There should be a Sharpie flavored vaping juice.
Around a week ago, I experienced my first heartfelt repulsion towards real cigs. It came in the form of my trusty backpack. This is the thing I've carried around on a daily basis for years. I use it to transport all my class materials and lessons. Everything my kids use in the class...pencils, scissors, worksheets, games, the chewing gum I sometimes give them, has been or is on a daily basis in this backpack. Every kid that is my student has at some point needed to go into this backpack to retrieve something.
Many students have told me "Your backpack and everything in it reeks of cigarettes." Likewise, my kids have said "Dad, your...life, reeks of cigarettes." I've never denied to anyone that I smoked...all I could ever do was say "I know...I'm really sorry." (while thinking: "now shut up and stop .....ing, little brat!"). I never actually smelled what they smelled. I mean, I knew it must smell like cigs, but I didn't realize the extent.
I first noticed it when I came in my now smoke-free office after the door had been closed awhile. I smelled dirty ashtray, and since there hadn't been ashtrays in the office for a month, and I'd cleaned all the walls, surfaces and windows to rid them of the smoke smell, it was immediately apparent where it was coming from. It was...horrid. I can't believe I willingly allowed myself to reek like that for decades. I poured everything onto the floor. For the first time, I looked at that pile of daily use stuff and realized it was F^%$ING CONTAMINATED. I thought about my kids (both the ones I own and the ones that own me) touching that stuff. I cried. I sobbed like a 4 year old. I threw it all in the trash. Everything, every last scrap, in the trash. Next day, new backpack, new stuff, and an apology to all of my kids, along with a guarantee that they would never have to encounter such a nasty, stinking thing as my old backpack ever again.
That was the end for me. Still smoking 8 to 10 real cigs a day, I decided last Tuesday that the next day, I would see if I could go for 24 hours without a cig, something I have, literally, never done in my entire 'smoking life'. I charged up the e-cig, filled the tank. and for the first time since I bought it, took it to work with me. Truthfully, I failed to go the complete 24 hours. It was more like 17. I got through the day, but when I got home, I smoked one.
However, that was my last real cig. I will remember it for the rest of my life. Marlboro red. Bought for 4 pesos at the liquor store across the street. I smoked it to the ashes, then felt crushed that I failed in my 24 hour endeavor. I'm sick of feeling crushed over this. I haven't smoked a real cig for 6 days. Tomorrow at 7 pm it'll be a week. The e-cig has been invaluable in allowing me to achieve this.
I will say this: Ecig nicotine is nowhere near as potent as real cig nicotine. Or, maybe it's less the potency I'm referring to. It just doesn't have the same 'slam-rush' impact. After the first 48 hours, I was missing that...I can't believe I'm gonna say this...that airway constricting, heart quickening rush of toxins permeating my body. Idk, I think I was somewhat addicted to the idea...the RUSH...of doing something so bodily harmful. Day 3 was the worst for me in that regard. Even with the e-cig, I just couldn't get...right. For two days I felt rather disoriented...slow...not my normal, infinitely patient, non-judgmental self. That irritated feeling has since passed though. Bumping up to the 18 mg Liqua helped too. Now the extreme feeling of achievement is just too overwhelmingly satisfying to look back.
Please forgive the long nic stained rant and rave. I just can't believe I'm both smoke free and content. Couldn't have done it without the e cig.
If I end up dying young from my smoking past, all I can say is I earned it myself...
But at this moment, I'm just content with the decisiveness of not ever wanting to be that dirty again.
*EDIT: I posted this a few days ago in another, non e-cig related forum. Heh, it had a lot of profanity in it! Cleaned it up a bit. It met with positive replies from that group, so I figured it'd make a fitting introductory post here.
As of this moment, 11 days smoke-free. Remains to be seen whether I'll eventually prioritize eliminating nicotine, or decide to make peace with my life-long love affair with it. I think, the experience without the carcinogens and...dirtiness of smoking is what I've really desired all along. Like that daily cappuccino fix. It's...like my own form of spirituality...smoke. Who'd a thunk it that vapor would be so rewarding in comparison. Anyway, we'll see how that develops. FTM I'm just happy to be here!
jambi
Also, I knew you had to buy cartridges for them. As an ink-jet addicted half-assed artist desktop publisher, I - EFING - DESPISE - THE - VERY - IDEA - OF - DISPOSABLE - CARTRIDGES!
Anyway, the ones I saw in the shop window didn't look like cigs at all, more like miniature hookas. Little bottles of 'smoke juice' in attractive packaging and potentially interesting flavors like "Italian Pipe Tobacco" caught my attention. Even if I hadn't been a 30+ cig a day, filthy ashtray stinking, carcinogen saturated, self-loathing disgrace of a 30 year veteran smoker, I'm sure all the cool stuff in the window display would have still perked my curiosity.
My nicotine-yellowed eyes hadn't, up to that moment, seen any viable safer alternative to real cigs. Gum, patches, blah blah...the nicotine is only part of the story. Without the suck and smoke, nicotine addiction would be no fun at all! Might as well start mainlining the stuff. No...the delivery method is definitely what makes being an addict so satisfying. Don't get me wrong. I couldn't kick nicotine cold-turkey. Well, maybe I could have in a perfect world, but I don't live and work in a perfect world. Hell, I live and work with kids. That's like as far from perfect as it gets! (No offense, kiddies).
I've known for a long time that nicotine is what keeps my seemingly infinite reserves of patience fully-charged. It sure as hell ain't solar-powered. The 'cigarette moment' isn't simply a nicotine battery charger. For me, it's an essential method of giving myself back to myself for a few moments. Until you're in a situation where you're just giving and giving and giving to others all day long, you cannot even begin to appreciate the breadth (breath!) and width of importance that 'cig moment' represents for me. Now I can confirm that it doesn't need to involve a real cigarette (actually, much more accessible now that real smoke has been eliminated, I can vape in the freaking coat closet!). Emulated smoke (vapor) is every bit as satisfying. I don't know yet if it needs to involve nicotine. For the moment, it does...albeit in gradually smaller quantities. For me, it also needs to involve some kind of hand/object manipulation. Patches just sit there, gum is totally boring. I need to see some action. I need to watch something curl around and calmly dissipate. I need to be an active participant in its creation. See how full-blown an addict I am?
I hated what my habit had become. I hated myself for structuring my existence around cigs. I hated the chest pain, wheezing myself awake in the middle of the night, coughing CONSTANTLY. Running paranoid with the real fears of lung cancer, heart attack, etc etc.
That store window held promise. I walked in and said "Show me what these things are all about!" I was shown. I tried it. I 'vaped' for the first time. It was...intriguing. Different enough from real cigs to be something more than 'replacement therapy'. Cool enough in technology, sight, sense, smell to be 'new toys' fun. I bought the blue anodized 'eGo-T' and a bottle of Liqua 12 mg nicotine 'traditional tobacco' flavored smoke juice. I've since returned for 9 mg watermelon, 6 mg cappuccino, and 0 mg blueberry. I finished the 12 mg and went back for more. I wanted a bit more 'kick' so I got the 18 mg traditional tobacco (my favorite flavor so far). I use that as my base and then add a bit of lo-nic flavory whatever to mellow it out a bit and keep it interesting. I love the versitility and customization options of vaping. Much more rewarding than boring old cig tobacco ever was.
For the first month, I used the e-cig only when sitting at my computer. I didn't take it with me anywhere, except one day to show it off to all my friends and students. I didn't noticeably alter my regular cig use at all. I think I had to get used to the IDEA that this thing was a viable alternative...that it COULD work if I just made that initial push.
One Sunday, I woke up feeling exceptionally 'smoker-awful'. Tight chest, cough and wheeze city. I had nothing to do that day...perfect day to begin the end. I told the kids (the 2 I own, not the dozens that own me) I was gonna lay on the couch all day and to please temporarily restrict messing with my life to dire emergencies only. They unplugged their x-box and, miraculously, complied. I got my e-cig and did exactly what I said. Laid on the couch. Sleep, watch tv, e-vape. I also smoked 4 real cigs... the fewest cigs in a 24 hour period I've smoked in years.
Be it my imagination or reality, when I woke up the next morning, I genuinely felt better. Less wheeze, no chest elephant. I had my e-cig security blanket now...it had been nicotine faithful when called upon. I took all the real smoking stuff (ashtrays, fire devices, crap) out of the house and set up a smoking station in the back yard with 1 ash tray and 1 lighter. From that day, I never smoked in my house again ('my' house is actually our back porch I converted to a one-room studio/office/'leave me the ...... alone' space. I smoked in there, but not in the main house where my wife and kids stay.)
With the help of the e-cig, I cut my 30+ cigs a day down to 6-8. Towards the end of the final week, I'd been edging back up to 10-11 a day.
I went on with the reduced cig / e-cig supplement diet for 5 weeks. Every day, I kept count of the real cigs I smoked. I marked slashes on my hand with Sharpie markers every time I smoked. Big, ugly slashes in black or red. I now know that I like the smell of Sharpie ink a lot more than stale cigarettes on my hands. There should be a Sharpie flavored vaping juice.
Around a week ago, I experienced my first heartfelt repulsion towards real cigs. It came in the form of my trusty backpack. This is the thing I've carried around on a daily basis for years. I use it to transport all my class materials and lessons. Everything my kids use in the class...pencils, scissors, worksheets, games, the chewing gum I sometimes give them, has been or is on a daily basis in this backpack. Every kid that is my student has at some point needed to go into this backpack to retrieve something.
Many students have told me "Your backpack and everything in it reeks of cigarettes." Likewise, my kids have said "Dad, your...life, reeks of cigarettes." I've never denied to anyone that I smoked...all I could ever do was say "I know...I'm really sorry." (while thinking: "now shut up and stop .....ing, little brat!"). I never actually smelled what they smelled. I mean, I knew it must smell like cigs, but I didn't realize the extent.
I first noticed it when I came in my now smoke-free office after the door had been closed awhile. I smelled dirty ashtray, and since there hadn't been ashtrays in the office for a month, and I'd cleaned all the walls, surfaces and windows to rid them of the smoke smell, it was immediately apparent where it was coming from. It was...horrid. I can't believe I willingly allowed myself to reek like that for decades. I poured everything onto the floor. For the first time, I looked at that pile of daily use stuff and realized it was F^%$ING CONTAMINATED. I thought about my kids (both the ones I own and the ones that own me) touching that stuff. I cried. I sobbed like a 4 year old. I threw it all in the trash. Everything, every last scrap, in the trash. Next day, new backpack, new stuff, and an apology to all of my kids, along with a guarantee that they would never have to encounter such a nasty, stinking thing as my old backpack ever again.
That was the end for me. Still smoking 8 to 10 real cigs a day, I decided last Tuesday that the next day, I would see if I could go for 24 hours without a cig, something I have, literally, never done in my entire 'smoking life'. I charged up the e-cig, filled the tank. and for the first time since I bought it, took it to work with me. Truthfully, I failed to go the complete 24 hours. It was more like 17. I got through the day, but when I got home, I smoked one.
However, that was my last real cig. I will remember it for the rest of my life. Marlboro red. Bought for 4 pesos at the liquor store across the street. I smoked it to the ashes, then felt crushed that I failed in my 24 hour endeavor. I'm sick of feeling crushed over this. I haven't smoked a real cig for 6 days. Tomorrow at 7 pm it'll be a week. The e-cig has been invaluable in allowing me to achieve this.
I will say this: Ecig nicotine is nowhere near as potent as real cig nicotine. Or, maybe it's less the potency I'm referring to. It just doesn't have the same 'slam-rush' impact. After the first 48 hours, I was missing that...I can't believe I'm gonna say this...that airway constricting, heart quickening rush of toxins permeating my body. Idk, I think I was somewhat addicted to the idea...the RUSH...of doing something so bodily harmful. Day 3 was the worst for me in that regard. Even with the e-cig, I just couldn't get...right. For two days I felt rather disoriented...slow...not my normal, infinitely patient, non-judgmental self. That irritated feeling has since passed though. Bumping up to the 18 mg Liqua helped too. Now the extreme feeling of achievement is just too overwhelmingly satisfying to look back.
Please forgive the long nic stained rant and rave. I just can't believe I'm both smoke free and content. Couldn't have done it without the e cig.
If I end up dying young from my smoking past, all I can say is I earned it myself...
But at this moment, I'm just content with the decisiveness of not ever wanting to be that dirty again.
*EDIT: I posted this a few days ago in another, non e-cig related forum. Heh, it had a lot of profanity in it! Cleaned it up a bit. It met with positive replies from that group, so I figured it'd make a fitting introductory post here.
As of this moment, 11 days smoke-free. Remains to be seen whether I'll eventually prioritize eliminating nicotine, or decide to make peace with my life-long love affair with it. I think, the experience without the carcinogens and...dirtiness of smoking is what I've really desired all along. Like that daily cappuccino fix. It's...like my own form of spirituality...smoke. Who'd a thunk it that vapor would be so rewarding in comparison. Anyway, we'll see how that develops. FTM I'm just happy to be here!
jambi
