As my first post to this forum, I suppose a brief personal history is a good way to make friends, eh?
I'm not an old guy, by a long shot. I'm only a young 19, 20 on the 18th of this month. Smoking wasn't ever really something I wanted to do. Around the age of fourteen, maybe fifteen I had a part time job at a local K-Mart. I was always the kind of kid telling everyone 'smoking is bad for you', etc. My mother smoked, my grandfather, friends. Pretty much every influence in my life was a tar and ash ridden mess. So, being young, and struggling through some really personal issues, I'd taken up drinking, quite a bit to be honest. My best friend at the time was a Marine, and he'd taught me how to drink. If you know anything about Marines, it's when they drink, they drink til they pass out, more often than not.
With drinking eventually came social smoking. I'd obtain a pack and it would last me a week or two. I never really smoked when I was by myself, nor did I have the desire to do so. As weeks turned to months I started going through two or three packs a week, which was a lot for a minor to be able to obtain. I thought knowing the right people would always help me.
As I got older, the man I saw as a second father was diagnosed with cancer. His son and I were basically brothers. We'd live with each other for weeks at a time, and he was my biggest smoking buddy. We watched as his dad slowly died, knowing cigarettes were the cause, yet not being able to stop our own smoking. In fact, I went up to over a pack a day, feeling like it was making it easier to cope with all of the stress. Even after his father passed, neither of us quit smoking.
That was about two years ago. Since then I've gotten myself somewhat straightened out. I've leveled off my smoking to just about a pack and a half a day, which in my situation isn't a good thing then.
My home life isn't exactly the best. It never has been. Growing up with an alcoholic father, and a neglectful mother, I'd basically raised my younger brother myself. My first job had been so I could keep food in his stomach. At 15, I was riding a school bus to my best friend's house since he lived walking distance from my job. I'd work a measly five hours for low pay, and then have to get rides from coworkers who would take advantage of my age and charge me nearly fifteen to twenty dollars in gas money each trip.
I barely had enough money to keep my brother from starving, and to keep him from understanding just how far below the poverty line we were. I didn't want to burden him with that, I wanted him to be a kid, since I knew what it was like not being one. The little bit of money I'd have left over each week would more often go to cigarettes for myself than for my own sustenance. I felt the smokes kept me going. That they were the energy I'd need to get through all the trouble I kept facing, to keep me from losing it.
As time went on, I met a girl who had a pretty bad family situation as well. She's a few years younger, being only sixteen now, with an eight year old little sister. We've gotten into a serious relationship, and I've been doing my best to support her and her sister, now. Again, I'm scraping, living off dollar menus for myself, so my lady can have gas money to get to school, and her sister can have those oh-so-desirable kids meals from local fast food joints. I want them to not have to stress, and be able to act their ages, not having to focus on where they'll get food from if their parents aren't able to make money that week.
The difference for them is that it isn't neglect on their parents' behalves. Where I live is a terrible economy, what we call the Black Hole. Its hard here to even get a job at a fast food place. Unless you're a doctor of sorts, or have multiple degrees, you probably won't find work to support a family.
Still, I scrape change I find, things like that so I can get that fix. It makes me feel so terrible, knowing I'm like some sort of junkie, that I'm lower than scum. I work odd jobs for neighbors, or local places, but I never earn enough to be able to save up to be able to do something about all this. It seems like the only money I ever have, is enough to buy myself my cigarettes, which even though they're a generic, cheap brand, it tears me up inside knowing that I can't just stop, because I feel like I'll be crushed by my own stress if I just go cold turkey. Everyone always tells me to just quit, but nicotine is a hard addiction to break, and they don't understand if they've never been there.
Then, one night, on some terrible radio station, I'd heard a local ad about an electronic cigarette. Curious, I looked online and stumbled onto this forum, where I've been creeping around for a few weeks, trying to decide if this will help me make that change, and I feel it will.
It seems that every time I manage to scrimp enough money to start saving for an e-cig, life wants to kick me in the teeth. I made just enough to buy the cigarette from the ad I'd heard. A measly little $20 thing, that the company doesn't even have a website for. I know, it's a terrible deal, but it's all I'm managing to do. I'm working to be able to make changes in my life. I'm fighting an ongoing battle with a local college, so that I can work towards a Computer Engineering degree, so that I can give my future family a life that I had wished for.
Now, don't get my wrong. I've never been the kind to ask for sympathy. All this has made me a stronger person in character, and a smarter one. I just would like for everyone to wish me luck in this battle I'm facing. I'm hoping all this will lead me to the changes I want to make. Even if it's just a small step, like saving my body, and saving even the slightest bit of change.
I suppose it's redundant, but I just wanted everyone to know how much faith I have that e-cigs may help me, even if it's just helping to control my smoking habit. I'm hoping in the future, if things work out, I'll be able to get an eGo, as I've heard amazing things about them.
Haha. I'm honestly not sure anyone's gonna read that novel I posted, but if you do, thank you deeply. It's hard for me to talk about all those issues like that, but I've read stories of people that have had it worse than me, and I'm proud of them all to have been able to grasp some control, and I'm hoping to join among their ranks soon.
Wish me luck
I'm not an old guy, by a long shot. I'm only a young 19, 20 on the 18th of this month. Smoking wasn't ever really something I wanted to do. Around the age of fourteen, maybe fifteen I had a part time job at a local K-Mart. I was always the kind of kid telling everyone 'smoking is bad for you', etc. My mother smoked, my grandfather, friends. Pretty much every influence in my life was a tar and ash ridden mess. So, being young, and struggling through some really personal issues, I'd taken up drinking, quite a bit to be honest. My best friend at the time was a Marine, and he'd taught me how to drink. If you know anything about Marines, it's when they drink, they drink til they pass out, more often than not.
With drinking eventually came social smoking. I'd obtain a pack and it would last me a week or two. I never really smoked when I was by myself, nor did I have the desire to do so. As weeks turned to months I started going through two or three packs a week, which was a lot for a minor to be able to obtain. I thought knowing the right people would always help me.
As I got older, the man I saw as a second father was diagnosed with cancer. His son and I were basically brothers. We'd live with each other for weeks at a time, and he was my biggest smoking buddy. We watched as his dad slowly died, knowing cigarettes were the cause, yet not being able to stop our own smoking. In fact, I went up to over a pack a day, feeling like it was making it easier to cope with all of the stress. Even after his father passed, neither of us quit smoking.
That was about two years ago. Since then I've gotten myself somewhat straightened out. I've leveled off my smoking to just about a pack and a half a day, which in my situation isn't a good thing then.
My home life isn't exactly the best. It never has been. Growing up with an alcoholic father, and a neglectful mother, I'd basically raised my younger brother myself. My first job had been so I could keep food in his stomach. At 15, I was riding a school bus to my best friend's house since he lived walking distance from my job. I'd work a measly five hours for low pay, and then have to get rides from coworkers who would take advantage of my age and charge me nearly fifteen to twenty dollars in gas money each trip.
I barely had enough money to keep my brother from starving, and to keep him from understanding just how far below the poverty line we were. I didn't want to burden him with that, I wanted him to be a kid, since I knew what it was like not being one. The little bit of money I'd have left over each week would more often go to cigarettes for myself than for my own sustenance. I felt the smokes kept me going. That they were the energy I'd need to get through all the trouble I kept facing, to keep me from losing it.
As time went on, I met a girl who had a pretty bad family situation as well. She's a few years younger, being only sixteen now, with an eight year old little sister. We've gotten into a serious relationship, and I've been doing my best to support her and her sister, now. Again, I'm scraping, living off dollar menus for myself, so my lady can have gas money to get to school, and her sister can have those oh-so-desirable kids meals from local fast food joints. I want them to not have to stress, and be able to act their ages, not having to focus on where they'll get food from if their parents aren't able to make money that week.
The difference for them is that it isn't neglect on their parents' behalves. Where I live is a terrible economy, what we call the Black Hole. Its hard here to even get a job at a fast food place. Unless you're a doctor of sorts, or have multiple degrees, you probably won't find work to support a family.
Still, I scrape change I find, things like that so I can get that fix. It makes me feel so terrible, knowing I'm like some sort of junkie, that I'm lower than scum. I work odd jobs for neighbors, or local places, but I never earn enough to be able to save up to be able to do something about all this. It seems like the only money I ever have, is enough to buy myself my cigarettes, which even though they're a generic, cheap brand, it tears me up inside knowing that I can't just stop, because I feel like I'll be crushed by my own stress if I just go cold turkey. Everyone always tells me to just quit, but nicotine is a hard addiction to break, and they don't understand if they've never been there.
Then, one night, on some terrible radio station, I'd heard a local ad about an electronic cigarette. Curious, I looked online and stumbled onto this forum, where I've been creeping around for a few weeks, trying to decide if this will help me make that change, and I feel it will.
It seems that every time I manage to scrimp enough money to start saving for an e-cig, life wants to kick me in the teeth. I made just enough to buy the cigarette from the ad I'd heard. A measly little $20 thing, that the company doesn't even have a website for. I know, it's a terrible deal, but it's all I'm managing to do. I'm working to be able to make changes in my life. I'm fighting an ongoing battle with a local college, so that I can work towards a Computer Engineering degree, so that I can give my future family a life that I had wished for.
Now, don't get my wrong. I've never been the kind to ask for sympathy. All this has made me a stronger person in character, and a smarter one. I just would like for everyone to wish me luck in this battle I'm facing. I'm hoping all this will lead me to the changes I want to make. Even if it's just a small step, like saving my body, and saving even the slightest bit of change.
I suppose it's redundant, but I just wanted everyone to know how much faith I have that e-cigs may help me, even if it's just helping to control my smoking habit. I'm hoping in the future, if things work out, I'll be able to get an eGo, as I've heard amazing things about them.
Haha. I'm honestly not sure anyone's gonna read that novel I posted, but if you do, thank you deeply. It's hard for me to talk about all those issues like that, but I've read stories of people that have had it worse than me, and I'm proud of them all to have been able to grasp some control, and I'm hoping to join among their ranks soon.
Wish me luck
