Rough news today

[Sl4gathor]

I wish I had an answer for ya, my son is 18, he had a drag at like 8 years old and has wanted nothing to do with them since, daughter on the other hand has smoked for a while, she is 23 and I just hooked her up with a vaping set up, my grand son will benefit also.....

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[Zach904]

Its easy to tell by smell when someone has been smoking. And there are nicotine test if I am not mistaken. If the kid was living under my roof, his ... would be grounded. Straight to school, straight home, until I am convinced that he swears off the cigs. And random tests for a year to make sure. The window of opportunity to keep a child from addictions is narrow. I would take all his privileges away and teach a kid how hard it is to regain trust once its lost.

But in the OP's situation, the kid confided in his father that he smoked. I don't know if I could bring myself to do the above mentioned things if my kid thought he could trust telling me of the habit.

 

[03FXDWG]

I was a hard-core smoker at 13 and would do whatever it took to keep me supplied. Also, at that age; most of us had the "we're going to live forever" attitude. Bad things only happen to old people (over 30 at least) and they'll find a cure before I get that old attitude. There are also alot more kids now days with a more bleak attitude that probably feel smoking will help them end it all sooner. Those kids are scary!

Finding out how deeply hooked he is would be my first step. If he's well & truly addicted now, maybe try the patch or gum route but I wouldn't hesitate to teach him about vaping either--chances are he probably knows more about it than you think. The circle of people he hangs out with is going to have more influence on him than anything else & you can't convert all of them so your best option is to give him all the facts and hope he makes the best decision. That's really all we can do for anyone.

 

[zapped]

Young people do not posses the intellectual, emotional, or experience based maturity that we so often give them credit for (mostly hopeful thinking on our parts). When I was a teen I was shown pictures of black lungs, watched my grandmother die from lung cancer (smoking related), and was told by countless teachers, parents, and tv commercials that smoking was dangerous. Did I listen, NO. Now at 32yrs old, I realize that almost everything my parents warned me about was true, but I had to learn the hard way like most teens.

Exactly. They arent little adults. I have plenty of time to be friends with my child after hes grown and can appreciate what Ive done for him as a parent. Not pointing fingers but sounds as if at least one person here is a little confused about that and theyre are certainly entitled to that opinion until they start trying to tell the rest of us how to raise our kids.

Take the suggestions in this thread for what they are and whatever the OP decides I wish you the best of luck.

 

[meanckz]

... my very stubborn son who's taken to some very drastic measures recently. i've been investigated for raising my voice recently because he told the school i beat him.

sorry to hear about that....my daughter (in her teens) thought to threaten me with calling the DSS on me, I told her to go ahead and call them, because by the time they'll get there, they "will" have every reason to be there.

She reconsidered

 

[jensy]

Guilt him out . Tell him you are very disappointed in him and that you thought he was smarter than that . That you thought he was a leader and not a follower.

Tell him you will stay off the ciggies if he does . Be a strong role model.

 

[zapped]

sorry to hear about that....my daughter (in her teens) thought to threaten me with calling the DSS on me, I told her to go ahead and call them, because by the time they'll get there, they "will" have every reason to be there.

She reconsidered

I like your style.

Nothing at all wrong with putting the fear of God in your children especially when its warranted. My son made the mistake of singing a song that talked about having sex with girls in a very derogatory manner in front of his mother once. Thats one mistake he will never make again.

Im 44 years old and if I said the "f" word in that context in front of my mom, even to this day, my father who's 67 years old would lay me out flat, and Id deserve it to.

 

[Racehorse]

In keeping with your request, I'd be glad he told me and try and work with that trust.

Yes, that is heartening.

My first inclination was to say yeah, get him a vaping kit. Then, I realized that the whole thing about smoking for me was the hand-to-mouth ritual, etc. and why vaping worked for me was because it simulates that.

So, in a youngster who has only smoked a very short time, and may not be "habituated" to that behavior (mine was reinforced for 20+ years when I took up vaping so I really really needed something that felt close to smoking) I would be inclined NOT TO REINFORCE IT.

The other thing is 14 year olds rarely have the patience or focus to "deal" with all the hassle of vaping....it can be pretty finicky as we all know.

Maybe you guys can talk it over and come up with something. Did he say why he starte smoking?

Not that I want to support BP but nic gum 2mg might work. It would NOT work for a habituated hand-to-mouth-inhaling-blowing-vapor/smoke type who was on cigs for a long time, but it might work for him?

Boy this sure is a tough one. You might even consider a "cigs not smoked" thing, like our banners, and trust him to be on honor system, he gets the cash every month like a bonus / allowance savings account.

I just really worry about reinforcing a behavior here, psychologically and physicallly, and since vaping is not *easy* like smoking, he will lose interest in the fiddly-ness of vaping and be back on the smokes quickly since he is only 14.

 

[Racehorse]

Young people do not posses the intellectual, emotional, or experience based maturity that we so often give them credit for (mostly hopeful thinking on our parts).

They arent little adults.

Important distinction ya'll made, IMHO. Totally true!

 

[Taowulf]

Options are limited for many reasons. Turns out there is a lot going on that is leading to this. In many ways my son is like me in that stressful situations, we tend to somewhat distructive or negative behaviors, and add that to a addictive trait and stuff like this happens.

We will work through the situation. Ideally that will result in him stopping smoking entirely. But his mom tends to be the "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO" type, and that is completely counterproductive with his personality (as it was with mine, hence why she is an EX). It is a tough situation, but he is a smart kid and we will figure it out.

But yeah, great feedback everyone, always interesting to see other people's opinions on a complicated issue.

 

[Kim B.]

That is rough news. You said your son brought it up because of your FB posts about vaping. I think that's encouraging, he is interested in the changes you're making in your life regarding smoking. Keep talking to him, tell him why you wanted to quit smoking and keep posting on FB about your success and how glad you are that you made that decision to quit. Let him know that you love him and will do anything you can to help him kick this. I wish you luck, I know how hard this must be for you.

 

[leong jenny]

If I were you, I'd be shocked too. I'll have a heart-to-heart talk. Some kids would do evil to attract parents' attention. Or maybe they just want to have fun. We could analyze the advantages and disadvantages with them and let them make choices.

 

[yellowrider]

Kick his azz.. and then, kick his azz some more.. Jk!

 

[GPC2012]

6 months in. He's smoking to be in THAT group, or because of peer pressure. I don't know you or your son, I will only say this I raised two sons and inherited two daughters when they were 13 and 15. The same age as my sons. I have been manipulated by the best. Or so they like to think. Vaping is becoming the cool thing. Is there a possibility he's using this to get you to allow him to vape, does his mother know, what does she say about it. Has he tried to get her to let him vape. Do yo spend anytime with him in his comfort zone, do any of his friends openly smoke or vape. So many things that are variables. And again let me say I'm not assuming or pretending to know it all I just remember my youngest thinking he ws gettng away with things by doing them while at his mothers house. The one time I attempted to talk to her about it she became defensive saying I was just looking to blame her, I just walked away from her talked to him about trust and resposibility. In the end things worked well. Although both my sons eventually smoked, they are the ones who got us into vaping and now now none of us smoke.

I mean absolutely no offense and am not blaming pointing a finger or suggesting anything just tossing possibilties out there.

 

[GPC2012]

Options are limited for many reasons. Turns out there is a lot going on that is leading to this. In many ways my son is like me in that stressful situations, we tend to somewhat distructive or negative behaviors, and add that to a addictive trait and stuff like this happens.

We will work through the situation. Ideally that will result in him stopping smoking entirely. But his mom tends to be the "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO" type, and that is completely counterproductive with his personality (as it was with mine, hence why she is an EX). It is a tough situation, but he is a smart kid and we will figure it out.

But yeah, great feedback everyone, always interesting to see other people's opinions on a complicated issue.

you have so much fun ahead of you, just get em passed that teen answer to everything in the HOLLOW of their head age. mine are going to be 31 and 29 this year two boy and two girls. inherited the girls. So much fun

 

[daleron]

Told both of mine it was illegal and to wait until they were 18 and out on their own before they did it.
Did it stop them? I'm sure it didn't, but I stated my case and stood my ground at home.

 

[erinarthur222]

My son had asthma from age 4,so at the age of 16 i nearly fell off my chair after seeing him with a cigarette,i warned him about all the evils i embraced while young and as an adult.BUT....we can only advise them ,they have to find their own way .my son now vapes 0 nicotine,well he gets to hookah when he gets liberty .just push vapeing after all its safer than cigarettes. my sons asthma is virtually non existent now also.

 

[erinarthur222]

14 a difficult age !!THEY DO NOT WANT TO HEAR WHAT ADULTS HAVE TO SAY!

 

[Bigflyrodder]

So sorry to hear about what you are going through, I have one turning 14 this weekend and another that is 12 and honestly don't know what I would do if either told me they were smoking. I only switched to the vape just over two months ago and they tell me how proud they are of me which I see as a good sign they won't want to smoke, but does that mean they will want to vape? I sure hope not and tell them all the time that I only do it as a means to not smoke.

That age is really hard, kids will do almost anything to fit in and be liked or popular. Maybe some positive reinforcement to go along with the lecturing? Maybe work out a deal with him that says "hey, let's say you are smoking a half a pack a day which costs you $4. I'll pay you $5 a day NOT to smoke and I'll put it aside until you save up enough to get that (insert expensive item he wants here) and then we'll but it together". Just a thought, gives him a reason to say no every time he goes to fire one up.

 

[darksparkle13]

Just have to chime in here. First he is at a very difficult age. And smoking for 6 months he could be hooked, esp if he has an addictive personality! The awesome part is that he talked with you! That is a hurdle within itself!

Talk to him, respect him and ask him what he wants to do! You know you don't have to set him up with some amazing gear get him a shorty ego. But help him stay off the analogs.

I hear what everyone else is saying about his age but I was pretty crafty myself started smoking full time at 12. And did not stop!
Even now I am only half analog and half vaping.

Be positive, if he's like you you know what could work, but it's a very tiny rope you walk! Good luck and keep the hope, sounds like a smart kid is a diff situation!