Really Really Bad Jokes

[youfillintheblank]

You HAD to tell a dead baby joke didn't ya? Now I HAVE TO too, and everyone's gonna know how sick I am!

What do you give a dead baby for Christmas??

A dead puppy


How do you make a dead baby float?

2 scoops of ice cream, 1 dead baby


Phalse brought up the topic, I'm just playing along!

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken?

 

[Skad]

You HAD to tell a dead baby joke didn't ya? Now I HAVE TO too, and everyone's gonna know how sick I am!

What do you give a dead baby for Christmas??

A dead puppy


How do you make a dead baby float?

2 scoops of ice cream, 1 dead baby


Phalse brought up the topic, I'm just playing along!

What's the difference between a Lexus and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lexus in my garage.

 

[rickstar009]

With a raised eyebrow quietly sneeks out and away from this thread with the seemingly psychotic individuals that are now inhabiting the room 8-o

Sick guys, very sick ...yet! strangely amusing haha

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

With a raised eyebrow quietly sneeks out and away from this thread with the seemingly psychotic individuals that are now inhabiting the room 8-o

Sick guys, very sick ...yet! strangely amusing haha

And yet, I can't stop posting:


What's green and red and goes round and round?




A frog in a blender

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

And one more:


if PRO is the opposite of CON, then what's the opposite of PROGRESS?

 

[fenez]

whats the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls? You can pick up the dead babies with a pitch fork

 

[strayling]

Back to the lawyer jokes:

What did the lawyer say when he trod in a cow pat?

"I'm Melllllllllllting!"

 

[rickstar009]

and one more:


If pro is the opposite of con, then what's the opposite of progress?

congress? ...But Logic actually dictates that the oppersite to progress is regress

 

[Ramblin]

Bad headlines

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

 

[rickstar009]

They need to be filed under the category *STATING THE BLEEDEN OBVIOUS* section of the
Dumb-....-tribune



Nice one!

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

congress? ...But Logic actually dictates that the oppersite to progress is regress

And the Aussie hits the nail square on the head! Give that boy a prize!

 

[rickstar009]

And the Aussie hits the nail square on the head! Give that boy a prize!

~Puts my hand out~

I hope this prize is really! good, do you have any!? idea how much brain power that took to work it out

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

~Puts my hand out~

I hope this prize is really! good, do you have any!? idea how much brain power that took to work it out

Yup, know exactly how much.... I could smell the gears grinding in the States....

Your prize, if you choose to accept it......

















IS
























IS............































Being the Co-Host of the Miss ECF contest!!!! (and my heartfelt thanks in voting for me...)

 

[PowerfulDot]

I love the joke in this South Park episode. It's so bad it's good! And Kanye West is funny too!

We apologize...

 

[Grandma Cas]

God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them.

He told them one of the things He had left was a thing-a-mabob that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like a excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.

So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place -- first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away -- laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left"

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

""Brains," said God.

In defence of blonds everywhere

 

[rickstar009]

ooh! naughty naughty trying to fish for votes, better be careful or you might just snap your line on a snaggg

So you want my answer NOW!!?










Ummmmm






























Urrrrrrrrrgh





















Ouwwwww! this is a tough! one





























You will just have to hope and pray i decide to send a vote your way cause in all conscience i really can't

SAY!​

but nice try! though uh oh hey! hey!
​

Yup, know exactly how much.... I could smell the gears grinding in the States....

Your prize, if you choose to accept it......

















IS
























IS............































Being the Co-Host of the Miss ECF contest!!!! (and my heartfelt thanks in voting for me...)

 

[Grandma Cas]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their .... hole, and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn).

 

[K-Sound Krew]

A man comes home all excited
“Hunny pack your bags, I just won the lottery”

The wife get’s all excited
“Oh boy, what should I pack?”

The husband says
“I don’t care just pack and get the hell out”



What do you get when you cross a ...... with a genius?


A f*cking know it all

 

[ritalee76]

So two guys are sitting at a bar... One is obviously distraught. His fellow drinker asks him what is wrong...

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to get a divorce" he says

The other patron asks, "Why is that?"

"Well, we got in this huge argument 2 years ago and she hasn't spoken to me since! Its killing me! She wont' say a word!"

"Come on, buddy! Think this one through.... girls like that are hard to find!"

 

[Northern Bob]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."


A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"
And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."

NB