DCrist, I am probably the last person to offer advise but I do feel compelled to share with you some of my own experience. I have been in your shoes, twice. Lost two wonderful women who I thought were my soul mates. I too took to traveling in attempts to leave it all behind and start over only to discover I was running from myself in search of myself.
I tried religion to no avail - ended up falling back on my roots in Native American ways (that is what I grew up knowing). I came to the conclusion our Creator (whom I choose to call GrandFather) has a path cut out for us to walk and lessons to be learned along the way. Things will continue to happen to us until we learn the lessons GrandFather wants us to learn then our lives will progress. IMHO, life is like a DreamCatcher and each of our paths are like the strings - it is the crossing and entwined strings that make the DreamCatcher strong so is too the paths of folks we meet cross and entwine makes all of us strong as well.
I too did not know how to love myself and just felt life in general sucked. After losing my 2nd "love of my life" I swore off relationships altogether and was living life as I saw fit for over 7 years. In that time GrandFather showed me how to love myself and love my life. There are no hard fast rules how this comes about and is different for each person. However I can say for me it was dicovering what I wanted for me (a bit selfish) and pursue it with a passion.
For me, that was computer programming and building a life around it. I went to school, got good at it, and got a damn good job doing it. I made good money yet lived in a one bedroom apartment and rode a 21 speed mountain bike for transportation. I didn't want or need a car and I had very little possessions. Life to me was the best it had ever been and I felt it could get no better.
Then I met her - my wife of today. I was not looking for her yet GrandFather pushed her into my life. She loved me for who I was, not for what I had or could give her as I had nothing but me. To make a long story short, I now am happier than I thought was ever possible, with 2 beautiful daughters, 4 grandchildren. I bought a home for all of us to live in (including my grandchildren) and now my life is truly full!
My advice is to find your Creator, whatever you may choose to call Him/Her/It. I agree with your thoughts on organized religion but spirituality has been a wonderful thing for me. Walk your path in life the way your Creator guides you. The Creator did not put you here to suffer - emotions are a gift from the Creator and what you do with them are your choice. Be cautious of geographical cures - at times it can make things worse. I grew up out West and now live here in the East so there are also times it can be for the best. Only you can discern that. No doubt the Universe is unfolding around you as it should. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
I do not have much space in my house but I do have plenty of land and firepits to pitch a tent on or around - something I do regularly when weather permits. You are more than welcome to visit and my family and I will do a=our best to assist. We are not rich in possessions but are rich in life.
I wish you the best in your endeavors.
Be Peaceful...
