What Would You Do if You JUST Found Out You Have a Sister?

[DawnsFolly]

Years ago I joined a forum a lot like this one for adoption related issues. It helped me to understand things so much better. I gave up a son at a young age not because I didn't want him, but because I wasn't able to take care of him. I hope some day that he will find me. I'll never be his mother, I hope he has a great one, but it would be nice to know him. He should at least have medical info. Hopefully he will find me someday. I won't look for him because I don't feel that's my right. I sealed the adoption records at the beginning for his sake. We have a Florida Adoption Reunion Registry (FARR), 1-850-922-6234, 1317 Winewood Blvd., Bldg A Room 102, Tallahassee, FL 32399-0700. This might not help, but I do hope you do find your sister and can at least fill that gap. You may want to consider a private detective. A third party is usually advised for both your sake and the other party's. Good Luck Hon.

 

[Seabrook]

Thanks Dawnsfolly for the info. And thanks everyone else for their kind comments and encouragement to my search.

I have been refreshing relations lately with far-away relatives. One of my cousins who lives in Albuquerque says the last he heard was that my mother had Alzheimer's so badly that my sister took her to a city that is only 51 miles away from me here in Calif. Now that's a big difference than clear across the continent in Florida. I may find her yet.

 

[Mary Kay]

The Hospital shoud be able to tell you your sister's name. They can tell you because you are your Mom's daughter also.

 

[Seabrook]

Thanks everyone. I found my sister last night with my SIL's help. My relatives confirmed the information this morning. She is residing in Florida, and her son (an only child) is living with her. Now I need to think on how to proceed. I think I will renew the cousin relationship first and see where it leads. I don't think it would be wise to drop her a card saying "Guess what, I'm your sister." Seems like that would startle anyone!

 

[Fudgey]

That's great!!!! Wow......so exciting and scary. Best to go in it cautiously.

 

[sheryder]

I don't know...just sayin'. She probably will hear from the other relatives over time that you knew she was your sister and were deceitful with her about that knowledge by pretending to still be her cousin. Would it be more problematic for you to proceed with full honesty and disclosure? It is your decision and no judgment from me as only you and your family know all the facts. Just another idea on the table. I agree with other posters that you should proceed with caution and be fully aware that you may be welcomed with open arms or totally rejected. Most likely somewhere in between. Best wishes for you as you proceed!

 

[CES]

I guess this is the hard part Seabrook- what you do next and how you do it. You can't control how your actions land, so all you can do is have your actions come from your own integrity and and center- and be as close the the "next right thing" as possible.

 

[classwife]

(and we are cheering for ya !)

 

[DawnsFolly]

Congrats on locating her Seabrook. I agree with Sheryder on being open. If your sister is in contact with other family perhaps they can give her your phone number and/or email address. You or they can let her know that there's something you need to talk to her about.

 

[Mary Kay]

Man You are in a hard place! I would just ask her to get back in touch..no mention of sisters or cousins. If she does then you have an opening..if not, then she also knows and doesn't want to deal with it.

 

[Seabrook]

I guess this is the hard part Seabrook- what you do next and how you do it. You can't control how your actions land, so all you can do is have your actions come from your own integrity and and center- and be as close the the "next right thing" as possible.

Yep, I'll make my decision tomorrow, CES. I don't want to be impulsive. I want to be sure I've thought it out from every angle. Thanks for your encouragement.

(and we are cheering for ya !)

Lucky me to have found a group of lovely, supportive ladies like you at the Womens Room.

Congrats on locating her Seabrook. I agree with Sheryder on being open. If your sister is in contact with other family perhaps they can give her your phone number and/or email address. You or they can let her know that there's something you need to talk to her about.

Well that's just the thing, DawnsFolly. My sis has separated herself from family, and I don't want to seem invasive and aggressive toward her. I want her to know I'll honor her privacy if she wishes it that way. In my draft letter to her, I have given her my contact info in addition to letting her know I would really like to see her again. I'm hoping to receive a favorable reply from her. I'm sure everything will work out if it was meant to be. And if it doesn't, her closest cousin will probably hogtie her and tell her anyway, LOL. Thank you.

 

[SudokuGal]

Best wishes! Remember that some folks are hesitant at first as it takes them time to deal with their own emotions...that may be the case here since she's separated herself from the family. Trust your instinct on when to tell her about being sisters.

 

[SudokuGal]

Best wishes! Trust your instincts on what to tell her when.

 

[DawnsFolly]

It sounds like you have thought it through and have a good plan. We will keep you in our prayers Seabrook. Lots of hugs for you.

 

[classwife]

..........any news ?............

 

[Seabrook]

No news yet, but I just barely sent it -- kinda got scared to. I hope she answers me. If she doesn't within 3 months, I'm going to send her another letter and just come out with it. In this letter, I didn't reveal anything, just tried to refresh our early relation of being cousins first. Thanks for asking, Classy.

 

[Seabrook]

Oh, guess what! I did find out something else a little on the shocking side when talking to relatives lately. My father was a full-blooded Indian. So where did I get the red hair? Nobody in the family has red hair. I did ask a fellow ECFer who is Indian about it. He said his wife is a red-headed Cherokee with Irish blood also. That's exactly like me -- Irish and Indian. The funny thing about it though, only 2 percent of the world's population have red hair. And out of that 2 percent, most redheads have either blue or green eyes, depending if they have German or Irish in them. That I remember from History of World Civ in my college days.

So, being freaky enough to be in the 2 percent group to start with, I am super freaky with the very dark brown eyes. Guess it's the Indian in me. Now if you look at my photo on my profile page, you will see that I have extremely dark eyes and very high cheekbones (another Indian characteristic). Wow, an Irish Indian -- who'd a thunk, right? That is just too freaky, LOL.

 

[Ardeagold]

LOL My Grandmother was Cherokee and my Grandfather was Irish. My Mom had white skin with freckles, coarse black hair (so black it was blue), and very dark brown eyes...plus high cheekbones. Very stunning combination.

Good luck on your quest. I hope you hear back soon from your "cousin".

 

[SudokuGal]

Hope you hear back soon.

For those of you who get the OWN channel (Oprah's new network), there's a reunion show on it...can't remember the name of it...it's about a woman whose searched for her biological mother only to have her mother not want to have anything to do with her...she now helps others located their family members.

 

[Fudgey]

Seabrook....glad you found out some more info, that's great!! Hope she responds to your letter