Tell a joke thread.
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Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.
I'm taking this &$*# to a whole new level.
I'm taking this &$*# to a whole new level.
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*Chinese Accent* " Fortuna say, man who keep hand in pocket, feel cocky all day
A priest and a rabbi decide to pool their resources and buy a car. The priest says "We should baptize this, to conform to my religion". He takes out his holy water and starts blessing it. the rabbi says "That's a good idea" and takes out a hack saw and removes the last 2 inches from the tip of the tail pipe.
How many cowboys does it take to change a light bulb???
3!
One to change the bulb, and two more to write a song about how much they're gonna miss the old one!
3!
One to change the bulb, and two more to write a song about how much they're gonna miss the old one!
C'mon guys, there's gotta be a few more out there!
Two canibals were eating a clown one day when one of them says to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"
Two canibals were eating a clown one day when one of them says to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
Why do midgets laugh when running through the yard? Because the grass tickles their nuts...
For once in my life I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis...
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs...
Your never too old to learn something stupid.
For once in my life I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis...
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs...
Your never too old to learn something stupid.
There was a young fella from Poole,
Who had a red ring round his tool,
He ran to his clinic,
His doctor, a cynic
Said "It's only lipstick you fool.
Who had a red ring round his tool,
He ran to his clinic,
His doctor, a cynic
Said "It's only lipstick you fool.
There was a blond sitting in the middle of a cornfield rowing a boat. Another blond drove up and parked on the side of the road.
She called out to the blond in the field, "You Know, you make us blonds look bad! If I could swim, I'd come in there and kick your ....!"
She called out to the blond in the field, "You Know, you make us blonds look bad! If I could swim, I'd come in there and kick your ....!"
There once was a lad from Manass
He had balls of fine polished brass
And in stormy weather
They'd both clang together
And sparks would fly out of his @$$
He had balls of fine polished brass
And in stormy weather
They'd both clang together
And sparks would fly out of his @$$
Ah hah! I, too, have seen Leprechaun.There once was a lad from Manass
He had balls of fine polished brass
And in stormy weather
They'd both clang together
And sparks would fly out of his @$$
Sara Jessica Parker walks into a bar, Bartender says "why the long face?"
zee end...
zee end...
Ah hah! I, too, have seen Leprechaun.
this one fits me too:
Heard about the two Irishmen walking out of the pub??
Me either...
So I asked a southern about his recent divorce, this is what he had to say.
"When me and my wife split up it was a horrible separation. We couldn't agree on anything. Who kept the house, cars, kids, and the list just kept going on. She made up horrible things in court, accusations that were down right outrageous. But in the end we were able to settle on a very few things, and went our ways. Good news, our divorce attorney said we could still be brother and sister."
"When me and my wife split up it was a horrible separation. We couldn't agree on anything. Who kept the house, cars, kids, and the list just kept going on. She made up horrible things in court, accusations that were down right outrageous. But in the end we were able to settle on a very few things, and went our ways. Good news, our divorce attorney said we could still be brother and sister."
Micky Mouse and Walt Disney were having a heated arguement. "For the hundredth time Micky, you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy!", said Walt. "And for the thousandth time Walt," replied Mickey, "I never said she was crazy, I said she was F^%$ing Goofy!!"
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