So Frustrating when nonsmoking husband just dont understand...

[DeniseN]

I guess I just need to vent really bad. I have no where else to turn as I have no friends where we live and therefore no one to talk to, and I am so upset...

Here I thought I had been doing so good having quit analogs, my husband had been telling me he was so proud of me, and my kids had. Well tonite I am reading stuff on the forums like I always do and he is off work tonite so I was telling him about some of the stuff I am reading about. There was that thread about just for fun what pv's do you have. I was going through there and telling him that everyone had so many things. I would like to eventually be able to get another one. All I have is a 510.

I am disabled so its not easy money wise for me to get alot of things he does work but he also has all the other bills to pay. I pay the rent with my check and it doesnt leave me with much after that, he pays everything else with his checks. He is in law enforcement.

Anyways back to my story so he says you dont need another one you have two e-cigs thats all you need right there. I just kind of looked at him and said yeah well still it would be nice to have another one too though to try and just to have an extra one or something. He says well it sounds like to me that you dont plan on quiting that thing then. I said I never said I did or didnt plan on it. I enjoyed smoking for 23+ plus years and really didnt want to quit but I had to for my health I enjoy this why should I have to quit. So he says so basically you are not quitting then you are still using nicotine then so you might as well just smoke regular cigarettes.
Well I dont know what to tell you then you are on your own because I am not going to help you kill yourself anymore so you can figure out how to do that all on your own.

Honestly I didnt know what to think at first I was stunned, ......, started crying and thought I gave up cigarettes that he was buying me for over 20 years and now hes telling me that just a month into this he is not going to help me buy this anymore, what the he** is that all about. Not to mention that he basically said he was so proud of me for quitting and so what that was a lie the whole time because now he is saying I didnt quit.

Any way now that I have somewhat calmed down, I thought I would come on here and share and vent. I know that I am not the only one out there that has come across this.

Thanks for letting me get it all off my chest though....

 

[yanks21]

I am SO SORRY for you Denise!

Just yesterday I posted a story about how mad I was at my father for jumping down my throat about quitting my e-cig when I had only been off analogues for 3 days so I know how cutting it can be when someone you love doesn't support you in your efforts when you feel SO PROUD of yourself BUT . . .

He isn't paying for them, I am so it isn't near the problem for me that it is for you

I sincerely hope you can find a way to use whatever is left over from your disability check to continue your e-cig habit. If you haven't already you may want to check out the Classifieds section - while some people want ridiculous prices for the items they decided they don't like, no longer use there are those who have reasonable prices.

Again, my sincerest sympathy

 

[rickyman]

I have not had to deal with that attitude on a personal level, but am seeing it and hearing about it with others. I feel for you and wish I could help. I think this attitude is based mostly in ignorance. They just don't understand what they're talking about.

He should be delighted and eager to help you, even if it costs a little more. Maybe you could try providing him with some info concerning the difference between smoking and vaping. I think you can find some helpful links here on ECF.

Good luck

 

[optsmk]

LOL, I hear you loud and clear. I also have the same problem with my girlfriend. She used to bug me a lot about quitting analogs. When I first started vaping she said that it was much better than smoking. Hell, I was even vaping in be while watching the tv. Now she is bugging me to quit these too and telling me that I am still killing myself. Oh well, at least I still vape in bed. She gets mad at me, but I do it anyway and just tell her to turn her head the other way. The other night she even told me that I was giving her asthma.

I don't know how well this will go over at your house, but try going back to analogs for a while and see what his reaction is then. He might be happy to get you back on e-cigs again and even buy you a nice big batt mod to get you vaping again!. I dunno, but it's worth a try. I tell my girlfriend that I am going back to analogs every time she bugs me about vaping. Somtime I even tell her that I am going to smoke analogs in bed. Of course I would never do that to her, and I have never smoked in bed even when I was single. But its worth saying it just to see the look on her face.

 

[DeniseN]

Thank you both very much for you kind words they help more than you know. I have showed him the info. He was all for it with me from the beginning when I first started researching this before I bought the 510 he even got on here and read all about it with me. So he not stupid about the fact that it is better. He for some reason who know just thinks that the nicotine is the problem now. I dont know what his problem is.

 

[DeniseN]

optsmk that is exactly what I said at first that he was just driving me to go back to smoking analogs, he then accused me of trying to argue with him as a means to be able to go back to them. By that point my head was spinning. Hes a cop though he knows how to play with your head what else could I have expected lol. He is a man though he will apologize sooner or later if he knows what good for him. I am sure he will not like sleeping alone for too long lol...

 

[optsmk]

Haha, yes he will applogize sooner or later. We always do.

 

[CaptJay]

He probably doesnt want you addicted to ANYTHING - mines the same - but if youve never been addicted to anything (or even just a habitual user of something like, coffee) then its hard to 'get' it.
Maybe his 'real' worry is something else entirely, not the actual PV itself. A lot of people use anger like a flippin hammer when they are scared or worried about something - maybe its the habit part that scares him. It could easily be the nicotine part.
When 'most' people give up smoking they give up EVERYTHING to do with smoking - thats probably what he's on about. We are sort of cheating lol A lot of people really REALLY don't like our 'way round' the giving up part.
He has to look at it from ahealth point of view though - this is healthier - it jsut IS and I dont give a rats banana what the FDA imply (without proper testing their guess is about as good as mine). PV jucies don't contain 4k chemcials and a bunch of carcinogens.
Heck SOME PV juice doesn't even contain NICOTINE! Tell him THAT!
Maybe one day you can give up nicotine but you won't be doing that on regular smokes - and you won't smell as nice.
Regular cigs will make you cough, wheeze, gasp for breath eventually - I m sure he seriuously doesn't want that for you. So ask him what the real worry is - is it the nic? And if so, tell him maybe one day you can have no nic and then wean yourself off a PV much more safely than a real cig. I'm sure his lack of info is behind a lot of his 'anger' at you.
Be well

 

[Icicle]

Sorry to hear about your trouble.
you can always burn his dinners.

I would simply tell him that you smoked fo X amount of years, and you plan on vaping X amount of years.

 

[RedRamen]

People don't understand that we will NEVER be free from the addiction to the RITUAL of smoking... Sure we may 1 day be free of the nicotine, but we will always enjoy smoking. It's never fair for someone to judge you that hasn't been in your shoes. It's just ignorant... I feel for ya

 

[DeniseN]

CaptJay yeah its the Nic thing, although I have told him that I would eventually start cutting back on the nic and wean myself off of that but not willing right now to talk about giving up the PV. Sorry just not...

The dinners would be a good idea if me and the kids didnt have to eat the same food lol. So that wouldnt work.

I know he does it for my own good I mean I have alot of medical problem for starters asthma since birth, hospitalized usually twice a year when the season change thats how severe my asthma is. However it has gotten better since I started vaping. I also found out I have COPD about 2 years ago, and thats only two of the things there are more things medically wrong that have caused me to be disabled. I know he loves me and he tells me all the time he just wants me to be around for a very long time. We have been together since 9th grade. Long Long Long time ago lol I guess its just been a bad day...

 

[Icicle]

you can burn only his part, or cook in a different pan for you and your kids dinner.
Trust me, my mom is burning my dad's dinner almost every other night, and now he talks a little more.

 

[DeniseN]

lol thats great. Sounds like a good plan if its working for her. Thanks for the idea...

 

[RedRamen]

you can burn only his part, or cook in a different pan for you and your kids dinner.
Trust me, my mom is burning my dad's dinner almost every other night, and now he talks a little more.

Why you assume the woman's gotta do the cookin huh?!

Just kidding haha

 

[DeniseN]

Actually around here we both do I cook on the days he works and on the days hes off he does. I cant do much else around the house he does all the cleaning and stuff laundry everything. I do what little I can. So really I dont have anything to complain about in that area other than the fact that I wish I was not in this situation at all and was able to leave this house and go to work now that would be wonderful.

 

[CaptJay]

I understand you dont want to give in the on the weaning off the PV - but you can tell him you are planning to - just dont give a time scale
You can also hint that him nagging you pushes the possibility back n back further n further that should shut him up

 

[RedRamen]

Actually around here we both do I cook on the days he works and on the days hes off he does. I cant do much else around the house he does all the cleaning and stuff laundry everything. I do what little I can. So really I dont have anything to complain about in that area other than the fact that I wish I was not in this situation at all and was able to leave this house and go to work now that would be wonderful.

I somewhat know what you're going through. One of my girlfriends had very similar conditions to what you have... I feel for ya

 

[telsie]

Even if you want to ween off nicotine, let your husband know that it usually takes months to do that. In fact, there are new studies now suggesting that people using the nicotine patch should use it for six months to increase the chance of staying off cigarettes. Here's a link to a CNN story about that, which might help you get the point across.

Remind him that it's the smoke that's bad — the burning of tobacco. From everything I've read, nicotine itself in moderation isn't really a problem. The problem lies in the delivery method. And you're certainly better off with an e-cig than a tobacco cig! Aside from not inhaling the dangerous chemicals and carcinogens in cigarettes, you're also saving money. That's got to count for something, right?

 

[Israfil]

LOL, I hear you loud and clear. I also have the same problem with my girlfriend. She used to bug me a lot about quitting analogs. When I first started vaping she said that it was much better than smoking. Hell, I was even vaping in be while watching the tv. Now she is bugging me to quit these too and telling me that I am still killing myself. Oh well, at least I still vape in bed. She gets mad at me, but I do it anyway and just tell her to turn her head the other way. The other night she even told me that I was giving her asthma.

Don't worry, I seriously doubt you'd be able to give her an asthmatic condition due to vapor. I vaped all day long while with my cousin who has rather severe asthma and he didn't so much as cough. He did however waft my clouds towards himself every time I took a hit and occasionally said something along the lines of "mmmm cotton candy"

As for the problem of the angry hubby..the only solution is sitting down and discussing the facts (at least what we do know) about e-cigs. Explaining that they have yet to turn up any ingredient in them (including diethaline glycol, which the fda has been moaning about) more toxic than nicotine. I have been told that the nicotine content reduces drastically as the vapor is exhaled, so much so that there is little likelihood of hurting anyone around.

Also, to my understanding, there are no known carcinogens in the ecig. Look up as much data as you can, let him know that it isn't a "stop smoking device", its a healthier alternative, and perhaps he will be more supportive.

No matter what happens, don't worry...for what it's worth we're proud of you!

 

[Thulium]

I wonder if there is a way you could help your husband to understand--hopefully, without doing something mean. Surely he has a "comfort" activity that you could use to help him relate?

Thanks to the tireless efforts of the "Antis", we all have been made very aware of all the reasons to dislike anything related to smoking cigarettes, but sometimes we lose sight of the positives. Beyond the pharmacological effects, there is something to be said for taking a few minutes to enjoy a mental health mini-vacation.

Thanking him for supporting you might remind him that you started this together. Ask if he agreed to the e-cigarette primarily as a cost-saver or as a health saver? Considering that you have been diagnosed with Asthma and COPD, smoking is a very real and present threat to your health: Isn't avoiding the lethal effects of carbon monoxide on your body worth doing whatever it takes to remain smoke-free??

I know what it feels like to be criticized regarding e-cigs, but when it comes from your previously supportive husband, it probably means he is feeling financial or other stresses and he's lashing out. If that is the case, you could point out how much money you are saving and perhaps you can convince him to put some of that toward your first mod.

Good for you, Denise, venting your frustration here. We all should be proud of every cigarette avoided and in my opinion we deserve to spoil ourselves from time to time.