Tell a joke thread.

[twgbonehead]

A young girl walks into a vape store, and says "Give me 30ml of your sweet custard at 18mg"
Store Owner: "How old are you?"
Girl: "I'm fifteen"
Owner: "Fifteen! Are you trying to get me into trouble?"
Girl: "Well, maybe later, but right now I just want the e-liquid!"

 

[JBL-37]

A man who walk through turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

 

[mvroman]

A man who walk through turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

*vrooom* <<< the sound of your joke going over my head. I don't get it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

 

[Bolivar]

A baby harp seal waddles into a bar.

Bartender says " what'll it be ?"

Baby seal says "anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks"





Sent from Henny Youngman's north 40 via messenger cow

 

[MikeE87]

*vrooom* <<< the sound of your joke going over my head. I don't get it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

I think what he meant to say was, "A man who walks sideways is going to bang cocks"

 

[twgbonehead]

An Irishman, a Lesbian, and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says "What is this, a joke?"

 

[twgbonehead]

An Irishman goes into a bar, and orders 3 Guinesses. He takes them to a table, and proceeds to drink them. The bartender walks up to him, and says, "You know, you could order them one at a time, I don't mind serving you". The Irishman says "No, you don't understand. I left my brothers Shaunessy and Liam back on the Green Isle, but we all promised that we'd all drink together every evening at exactly 4 o'clock". The bartender nodded appreciatively.

This went on for several months.

One day, the Irishman came in and ordered 2 Guinnesses.
The bartender solemnly handed them over. After a bit, he approached the table and said "I'm so sorry for your loss!"
The Irishman said "What loss? I just quit drinking!"

 

[Huckleberried]

A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the manager........

Duck: Got any duck food?

Manager: No, sorry.

Sad duck waddles away... Next day, duck enters the grocery store...

Duck to manager: Got any duck food?

Manager: No, I told you yesterday we don't. Now go away and don't come back or I'll nail your feet to the floor.

Sad duck leaves store. So, the next day, the duck went into the grocery store and approaches the manager.

Duck to manager: Got any nails?

Manager: What?? NO!

Duck: Got any duck food?

 

[sonicdsl]

Moved to The Lounge

 

[GPC2012]

A string walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bartender responds "We don't sell drinks to strings and throws the string out.

 

[GPC2012]

The string stands up twists himself around and around, then messes up his hair. Walks back into the bar and orders a drink, the bartenders says "hey aren't you that string I just threw out?" No, I'm a frayed knot replied the string

 

[GPC2012]

A very old and hard looking working girl walked into a bar with her pet duck on a leash, the bartender says, nice looking pig.

She says very insulted it's a duck you idiot. The bartender replies, I know, I was talking to the duck

 

[omyeyes]

Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches.
When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.

 

[omyeyes]

I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said "hey that's my ....!"

 

[Huckleberried]

LMAO I've often wondered that.

 

[Huckleberried]

In most places, when you lose your khakis, you can't find your pants. In Boston, when you lose your khakis, you can't drive your car.

(no offense Boston peeps)

 

[Kr3wsk8er]

So a horse walks into a bar, bartender says "what will you have?" The horse unable to understand English let alone the human language defecates and kicks a patron.

 

[SilverBear]

So a horse walks into a bar, bartender says ...

... "Why the long face?"


Or:

So Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar, bartender says ...

... "Why the long face?"


Or:

So Celine Dion Parker walks into a bar, bartender says ...

... "Why the long face?"

 

[SilverBear]

Q: Why don't blondes tap dance?


A: They keep falling into the sink.

 

[twgbonehead]

Why are dogs such bad dancers?




Because they have two left feet.